Author: desiredhavenfarm

Do you remember being a teen? Being in high school and trying to keep up with school work, sports, friends, and all the while thinking, What next? And not just thinking it, being bombarded by it! My boys have been getting junk mail from colleges for at least a year now and what’s the first question everyone asks…what are you doing after high school? Or, more specifically, people usually ask, Where are you going to school after high school?

It’s not necessarily a bad question. Well, maybe it is. At least to some kids it is. It puts a lot of pressure on these young people and if they are already dealing with anxiety or depression, it can overwhelm them to think about college. Should they even know at 16, 17, 18? How many of us absolutely knew what we wanted to do with our lives at 18 and actually stuck with it?

I think the better questions would be, what interests you? What do you want to learn more about? What kind of jobs are out there?

As my two oldest have hit 18 and have a year of high school left, I’ve seen this first hand. It causes ME anxiety when people ask. I can’t imagine what it does for them! I realize that there is a next step in life after high school, but when did we get to this point that it has to look the same for everyone? Why does it seem as though four year college is our only “good” option?

Since my hubby works with contractors everyday, we see the shortage first hand in the trades. Electricians and plumbers have practically begged our boys to come work for them and learn the trade. Contractors can’t find good employees to hire that want to stick with the job. Homeowners are waiting months for someone to come fix their sink or remodel their bathroom. Companies can’t get their products to the store in a timely manner because they are short drivers. The list goes on.

Let’s face it, not everyone is cut out for a trade job. But, not everyone should go to a four year college either, especially if it’s just because it’s what everyone else is doing. There’s not really a guarantee that you’ll make more money or be more secure, just because you went to college. Most of that comes down to budgeting and doing a good job at the job you’re given.

I point this all out because I’ve been thinking so much about how different my twin boys are. They always have been so different. Not just different, polar opposites really. One is an extreme extrovert, the other a homebody introvert. One thinks, the others is impulsive. One wants to pursue college, the other isn’t interested.

Last year one went to public school and the other stayed home. This year looks even different. And, guess what? They are both so happy with the path laid out for them.

One is taking PSEO classes with the hope of continuing there next year full time and getting a double major from the community college, then going on to complete an engineering degree at a four year college. The other is working full time this year instead of doing traditional schooling. He’s working construction and gets up happily everyday to go to his job. And he’s learning a ton, just like his brother. It just looks very, very different.

And that’s okay. It shouldn’t look the same for everyone, because everyone, and I mean everyone, is unique.

I’ll tell you something else. I am just as proud of both of them. I’m so proud of Samuel for knowing what he wants to pursue and taking a huge step by trying PSEO classes. I’m proud of him for studying hard, even with dyslexia that slows him way down. I’m proud of him for driving an hour one way twice a week for classes and laying out his homework each day so he stays on top of it all.

I’m also so proud of Isaiah. He made a really, really hard choice this summer by deciding to work full time this year. He made the good choice, even though it wasn’t the first choice. I’m proud of him for being mature enough to see what would be best for him. I’m so proud of him for lining an awesome job up for himself and getting up every morning very early, making a lunch, and getting out the door. I’m proud of him for making his boss happy and working hard at whatever job he’s given.

We need to see our kids as they are: unique individuals each with amazing gifts that no one else possesses. People who have a purpose and future, who can make a difference to those around them. People who each have their own path. We need to be proud of them when they pursue that path and happy that it isn’t cookie cutter!

I’m not putting down college at all. I hope you see that. For some it’s a great option. It’s just not the only option. There are lots of good options out there and we have to be sure we don’t put our kids in a box, but really dig into what their path should be. And, hopefully, that path isn’t like anyone else’s. Hopefully it’s just right for them.

All week we’ve been working on the Defeat of Jesse James Days Horseshoe Hunt. Every morning there’s a new clue. I don’t know about the rest of you, but they are so hard this year! We’re stumped.

Friday morning we thought we had an idea so we headed into town. It was a beautiful sunny morning, perfect for horseshoe hunting. We thought we’d hunt a while and then get back home to get some school and cooking done. At least those were my plans.

We were waiting for Andrew to meet us so we just milled around a bit. When he got there he went to sit down next to me on the bench and as he bent over he cracked his nose into the top of Maddie’s head. He fell back on the bench, holding his nose as Maddie stumbled back a bit holding her head. Andrew kept saying, “So much pain, so much pain.”

And…then…he passed out on the bench. I didn’t realize he actually passed out and so I asked him, “What are you doing?” There was no response and I realized he wasn’t conscious. Then I also realized I had heard a yucky cracking, snapping noise when the two of them had hit.

He came to pretty quickly and sat up. I looked at his nose and realized it was broken, so I told Samuel to run and grab the car so we could bring Andrew to the clinic. As he overturned into a slanted parking space he scuffed the neighboring car.

So, all of a sudden, as i’m trying to call the clinic, Samuel comes running and tells me he hit some lady’s car. I was like, “WHAT?” Andrew sat up and said even louder, “WHAT?”

I ran up the hill, leaving Andrew on the bench holding his nose so I could talk with her. She was upset at first but realized the utter chaos she had, at that moment, been sucked into. She also realized it was just a scuff mark on her car and not as bad as it could have been.

Andrew came hobbling up the hill and I told him to please sit down before he passes out again, while I’m trying to exchange numbers with this lady. By the time her and I had finished, Andrew had put his own nose back in place and was adamant he was fine and not going to the clinic, because, in his words, “We don’t need that expense right now.”

At this point, we were all pretty much done. Two kids were crying because they felt horrible, Andrew had a headache and very tender nose, and I was frazzled beyond clear thought.

So, plans dashed, we headed home.

I used to get so upset when my plans were messed up. I’m such a Type A, organized person that plan changes rise up in me something ugly. I’m not perfect, but I can say I’ve improved when it comes to my plans being thwarted. I still can get ornery and have to talk myself out of a bad mood, but I try hard now to regroup and not let it ruin my day.

Maybe that comes from having 10 kids. I often think, God knew I needed A LOT of refining and that’s why he gave me so many kids. Each one pushes me a little more towards Christ and, hopefully, more towards a Christ-like attitude.

This summer our pastors have done a series on The Fruit of the Spirit. It has been so so good. I realized that when my plans change and I get so upset about it it’s because I lack patience, one of the traits of the fruit of the Spirit. Often people tell me I’m so patient and I always laugh. I laugh because it’s so untrue. I am very impatient!

But mornings like this one, which, let’s face it, you can’t make up, keep pushing me more towards those attributes of the Spirit that I need and that need to be cultivated in my life. I can let it ruin my day, or I can see it for what it is: an opportunity to let the Holy Spirit cultivate more of His fruit in my life.

Now, I know these things never happen to you (ha ha), but just in case you do, remember to see those plan changes as an opportunity to grow more like Christ.

And, as a side note, let’s all just agree right now and make a pact that if a teen ever hits our cars, we’re going to be kind, civil, understanding and remember that it’s just a car. We can let it go and be thankful it’s just a dent in some metal and not an injury to anyone.

Ever have one of those moments where all you can do is thank the Lord that everything is okay? You actually stop in your tracks and contemplate the “What if” and have to say out loud, Thank you, Jesus. And you are in awe for days and days.

I’m still in awe, five days later, of what the Lord did.

Last Sunday we had been gone all day. I mean, ALL DAY. We left for church at 10 am and then went straight to a softball tournament. By the time we got home, it was after 9pm and we were tired. As I walked up the porch steps, I stopped and asked, “What’s that?”

There, right next to the door, was a charred candle.

I had placed a citronella candle there to ward off the picnic beetles that are constantly trying to get into the kitchen. I would light it for short times in the evenings when they were really bad. I knew I hadn’t lit it that morning, or, in fact, the day before. But there it was, charred.

Not only was the candle charred and blackened, but the deck had burned as well. Yep, my freshly redone deck. The one we spent four days on. The siding was also brown and warped.

I almost started to cry. I mean, how in the world was my entire house not ashes. Why did it stop burning?

Jesus. That’s my only answer. Jesus put out that fire. It had to have been engulfed in flames at some point with as charred as everything was. And Jesus put it out. That’s the only explanation.

One of the kids told us they had lit it the night before but had thought it was blown out before bed. Apparently it didn’t blow out so it burned all night and all day while we were gone.

It was a scary moment, to say the least. But it was also a testimony that I’m glad my kids got to see. We weren’t angry with anyone, just so thankful to the Lord that everything was okay. We just sat by that black spot on the deck. We couldn’t really do anything for a few minutes because the “What if” was quite vivid. If our house had started on fire, it would have been pretty engulfed in flames before someone would have seen it from a road. It’s not like we have neighbors right next door.

So, now, we have another project at some point. Fixing a burn mark in the deck. But that’s okay. I’d rather have that little project than trying to rehome our family and rebuild a house!

Thank you, Jesus!

Somehow, we got here. What a crazy journey it’s been too. Dips and turns, hills and valleys, maybe even some loop-d-loops. Probably some reversing and wrong turns too. May have even gotten lost sometimes for a while. But, here we are!

These two made it to 18! Recently I had someone tell me that as parents Andrew and I are the “cream of the crop”. It was one of the most encouraging, wonderful compliments and I know they meant it. Most of the time, we just feel like we’re floundering, wondering if we’re doing it right, asking God what to do….a lot, apologizing to our kids….a lot, and getting up the next morning and trying again.

There’s been a lot of mistakes with these two. And we’ve told them that. Sorry, guys, but you’re the first born. You’re the guinea pigs. We’re going to mess up with you more than any of your siblings. And, we’re going to have to say sorry more to you than any of the others as well!

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that there is a special covering from the Lord over first borns. Do you think He doesn’t know we’re going to mess up more with them? Do you think He didn’t plan for that? Of course He did! First borns are born with more resilience, more courage, more drive than the rest of the kids. They are also provided with an extra strong guardian angel, in my opinion. They need it! And God knows that!

Andrew and I would often say, it’ll be a miracle if these two boys make it to 18. Well, friends, we just witnessed a miracle, because they made it! And not only did they make it, but they are amazing, responsible, kind-hearted young men. I am so proud of them everyday!

What’s been fun to see as well, is how different they are from each other. They are twins, raised in the same home with the same responsibilities and discipline, the same mom and dad all their lives, and yet, they are so completely opposite from one another!

Samuel is cool and calm. He loves being at home, playing with the younger kids. He has this constant smile on his face and he really is content almost all the time. He’s wise and thought-filled and thinks of others around him almost always before himself. He is confident in who he is and what he wants in life. He loves Jesus with a quiet, steady love. He already ever argues or fails to follow through on something. I can always count on him to help me out with anything.

Isaiah loves people. He loves to tell stories about his day and those he’s met. He always wants to be on the go and loves anywhere where there is a crowd. He is hands-on in everything. He has even said, “don’t even suggest desk jobs to me”. He loves a good debate and loves to learn new things, as long as it doesn’t involve sitting too long to learn it. He loves Jesus with passion and fierceness and wants to make a difference in this world for Jesus’ kingdom. He feels deeply and people can wound him quickly without realizing how deeply. I can always count on him for a good story and a hug.

This year is strange! It’s the very first time these two haven’t been together on their birthday. I guess it’s one of those things that happens as you grow up, but it affected them both deeply. They’ve had their moments over the past 18 years where they’ve wanted to pummel each other and stay away from each other, but for the most part, they’ve been the best of friends. They have stood by each other when friends have bullied, they’ve comforted each other in the midst of pain, and they’ve laughed together harder than with anyone else. And today, one is in Costa Rica and the other is in Minnesota. How strange! It’s sad for my mama heart too, but I know it’s good. They are both where they are supposed to be today. And, thankfully Dad pulled some strings and got a video call in this morning so they could tell each other Happy Birthday!

God, I stand in awe of you today! Thank you for bringing my boys this far! Bring them ever farther in life. Let them mark their success not in worldly accolades and accomplishments, but by your Word and Kingdom. May they walk with you all their days and be forces of light in a dark place. It’s by your grace and goodness that they are the amazing young men they are today and I know you’ll complete the good work you’ve started. I pray they love you always and you protect them always. Thank you for Samuel and Isaiah!

Happy Birthday, boys!

Have you ever played with Silly Putty or Slime? Pulling it and watching it stretch and stretch but not break? It’s kind of mesmerizing to watch and wonder, how does it do that? My kids love to play with this stuff endlessly, although I’ve banned it from the house because I seem to always find it stuck in hair or the carpet!

Being stretched like Silly Putty isn’t necessarily easy, is it? But we all experience it in our lives, sometimes daily. I know if you are a parent this is especially true! This summer I’ve watched our son, Samuel, be stretched and stretched.

Samuel spent seven summers as a kid experiencing camp life for five days. He attended Camp Shamineau with friends and over and over would come home with stories and adventures to share. He loved it and was so impacted by it that as he got older he started saying he wanted to be a camp counselor. Well, this summer it worked out and he was accepted to serve at Camp Shamineau.

Back in January when he was accepted it seemed like it was a long ways off that he would spend most of his summer at camp. But, like everything else, it rushed upon us and in June he was off. Gone for four weeks, with just a weekly call, it felt strange to the rest of us left at home.

You see, Samuel is such a steady presence in our lives. He is almost always smiling and in a good mood. He has his moments where he gets stressed and overwhelmed but they don’t last long. For the most part he’s just even-keeled and steady. He knows exactly how to calm the little ones in the house, especially his buddy Jacob. He knows how to work hard and get things done well. Having him around is like having perfect summer days with a hot sun and a cool breeze.

And then he was gone. He spent a full four weeks at camp before coming home. When I picked him up, I hardly recognized him. He looked so grown up….and taller! We had a great three hour drive home, where I got to hear about all he had done at camp. He was loving it, I could tell.

He only spent a weekend at home and was off again for three more weeks. He’s down to two weeks now. This last weekend he came home again to run the Tough Mudder with his dad and brother. When I saw him, I could tell he was getting run down and tired.

He’s in introvert and homebody so to spend seven weeks serving at camp with rowdy campers, crazy weather, poison ivy, and lots of dirt is nothing short of stretching him like Silly Putty! I think he’s been stretched to the point where he’s sagging a bit like Silly Putty does when it gets really thin as you pull.

But, he hasn’t broken, nor will he. Though he seemed tired and worn out, he still only said good things about serving at camp. He’s loving the kids, the staff, and the whole experience. He’s already talking about serving as a program director next summer and working there full time after college. I’m so impressed with his maturity and willingness. This hasn’t been an easy summer for him, yet he maintains his good mood and easy going attitude towards it all.

I think we could all learn a lesson from Samuel. Don’t get too comfortable. Don’t just stay in your comfort zone because you feel good there. Allow yourself to be stretched. And stretched. And stretched.

Don’t worry, you won’t break. You might just find you have some hidden and better qualities you didn’t even know about. It might just push you into some new experiences in life that you’ll love, even if they are hard and different. Who knows, it might even show you God’s path for your life!

Be stretched. Be open to God’s leading. Be cheerful about it.

Be like Samuel.

When we first moved in, the orchard drew me. I was so excited to have fruit trees of various kinds; apples, pears, plums, cherries. What I didn’t realize was the type of plum trees we had.

As you can see, when we moved in the plum trees hadn’t been pruned or cared for in years. They were so dense, you couldn’t see through them and there was no way you could get to the branches to pick fruit. Once we got close to them or tried to climb them we realized they were covered in thorns, making it impossible to get any plums!

We started to cut and trim and prune. We made some serious progress and hoped those trees would thrive and give us some lovely plums. Sadly, they had been neglected so long they just weren’t healthy anymore.

A little research revealed they are known as “Old American”. Those awful thorns every two inches up every branch become the new branches…every year! Imagine the amount of pruning and cutting it would take to keep those under control every year. Hundreds of new branches would grow each summer, filling in those trees all too quickly. And each new branch came with its own set of thorns.

A couple years later and we have just watched those trees slowly die and hardly produce any fruit. The plums there were, were so tiny and tart they were hard to enjoy. These were definitely not the plum trees I had envisioned in my orchard.

Recently, with the help of friends, we chopped all those plum trees down! I was so overjoyed watching them fall! I was even more overjoyed when I threw the last branch into the fire and watched it burn. No more thorns and unhealthy trees! Now I have space to plant what I want, trees we can enjoy with fruit we can enjoy!

As I watched these thorn covered branches burn, I thought about the thorns and fruit in my own life. There have been so many thorns revealed to me lately and I truly feel like I’ve been in a fire. It’s as if God is showing them to me and then saying, “Okay, we need to burn those off now”. There’s no easy, comfortable way to accomplish it. Unfortunately we have to go through the fire to learn and remove those thorns.

The fire in my life right now is raising young adults. Boy, do my thorns show when I get pushed by these young people in my house. Those thorns are my pride, my harshness, my anger, my frustration, my feelings of failure. They aren’t pretty and they stab fiercely in every direction. That fire isn’t easy, nor does it feel good, and when I focus only on the present and on the situations with these young adults, I can’t stand the fire. All I want is out! I don’t want to deal with emotional outbursts and their feelings of being completely overwhelmed by life. I don’t want to face my feelings of being a failure at parenting and teaching.

But that’s not where my focus should be. Just like it’s taken us over three years to get to the point of cutting down those plum trees because they weren’t bearing good fruit, it takes time to see what the fruit will be. We can’t just look at the present situation. We can’t just focus on here and now. It does look hopeless and frustrating then.

But, there is always hope. There can always be good fruit in the end. That’s where my focus has to be. Not right now, but down the line. There’s always the anticipation of what may come. Even now, as I see my apple, pear, and cherry trees blooming, I anticipate good fruit in the fall. But am I going to just wait around and see if it might happen?

No! I’m going to put in the hard work that I can, trusting the process. Already, I spent a few days pruning those trees. I’m going to give them nutrients throughout the summer. I’m going to protect them from pests. I’m going to check up on them as the days turn hot. And, as I work, I will hope.

Lately, my mantra with my teens has been this: Never give up and Never stop speaking the truth. Never give up and Never stop speaking the truth. Even when it seems the fire is going to burn you up into ash, even when it seems as if those young adults are nothing more than a brick wall you are trying to talk to, even when it seems as if there will never be good fruit…

Never give up. Never stop speaking the truth.

There is always hope, through and after the fire. I know that even though it’s painful, I want to be a tree without thorns that bears good fruit. I guess if it takes three teens now and seven more later, I’ll withstand it. I’ll keep hoping. I’ll never give up. I’ll never stop speaking the truth.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow mamas! You are a rock star and warrior! It’s a hard job, lots of times without thanks. I hope today you felt uplifted and encouraged and thanked.

I’ll say it in case you haven’t heard it yet today: Thank you! Thanks for wiping those tears, putting a bandage on imaginary owies so the crying would stop, and for smiling and playing when you’d rather be napping! Thank you for getting up at night with the baby and staying up late to talk to the teen. Thanks for making lunches everyday over and over and then dropping them off at school when the kids forget them on the counter. Thank you for praying and disciplining and being strong and firm in your boundaries. Thanks for being you!

Today is always a bittersweet day for me. My mom has been gone 17 years now. I stopped at the grave today to put some flowers on it and just thank her for being an amazing mom. I know she would have said she was ordinary and didn’t do anything amazing, but she did. She was amazing and I’m so thankful for all she did for me.

But the day was so special. My family rocks! They showered me all weekend really. It started on Friday when I got home at almost 8pm with 12 very tired kids. Yes, 12. I had a few extras! I walked into the house to a very pleasant smell…Andrew had mopped all the floors. That would have been a perfect Mother’s Day gift in itself! But it didn’t stop there.

Last night Andrew took me out to Dairy Queen for a blizzard after the kids were in bed. It was so nice to just be he and I. Lately we’ve had a squirmy, noisy baby with us so for it to just be the two of us was a special treat. And, of course, I love ice cream! I mean, who doesn’t??

Then, today. Wow! I woke up to breakfast in bed made by Andrew and Jacob. I was showered with love and hugs from my kids when I got up. Andrew outdid himself this year and made me a sign for our farm! I am still in awe of it!

At church I was given so many treats and gifts: chocolates, a cupcake (man, was that a good cupcake), cards from the kids, and a card and gift from a sweet, sweet couple that was so heartwarming and unexpected. Even my son’s girlfriend gave me an awesome gift. I already have it hung in my dining room! After church was over, the pastor grabbed me on the way out and had all my kids give three cheers for me in the parking lot. What a guy!

Our afternoon was spent eating steak, playing yard games and cards, and just laughing and enjoying family. I love my in-laws and we had so much fun together today!

I think the best Mother’s Day gift I received though, was when one of my 17 year olds came to me and asked if he could take his 12 year old brother out for ice cream. He said, “I’ve noticed Elliot has been a little crabby lately and I think it’s because Samuel and I haven’t been around a lot. I think he misses hanging out with us. I want to make a point of doing something with him a couple times a month.” Oh, my. I had to fight the tears on that one! What a kid!

To top it off, Andrew made me a cheesecake with homemade strawberry sauce and whip cream. I am still reeling from an absolutely perfect day with my amazing family! I am so blessed and I try not to take it for granted. I know I forget in the midst of hardships how wonderful this life really is, but today I was reminded of all God has given me since he took my mom away. He has truly filled my life to overflowing and I wouldn’t want it any other way!

I know that the Lord is my Provider. I’ve seen His provision over and over in my life. Yet there are many times when I worry about how we will afford something or how we will have what we need. Sometimes I worry about big things like how we will pay for car repairs when one of our vehicles breaks down or how we’ll replace the water heater.

Other times I worry about smaller things like paying for groceries or how to afford sandals for summer for the kids. Most of the time, though, it’s financial provision that I worry about. Even though He has always come through for us I still worry. I guess I like to think I’m supposed to figure it out myself.

Not only do I worry but I forget to bring my needs to the Lord. I forget I have a God I can ask. The Bible tells stories of God’s miraculous provision repeatedly! Take the feeding of the 5000. That was just 5000 men. Women and children weren’t counted so there were probably 10,000 people that needed lunch. Jesus took a small boy’s lunch, fed everyone AND had leftovers.

See, God doesn’t just provide but He provides abundantly and lavishly! He isn’t stingy. He loves to provide for us generously and with everything He has. That’s how much He loves us!

I think I doubt that and forget it. I think I have to solve the problem on my own and I only see the little I have and can’t figure out how it can possibly stretch to be enough.

Recently, we once again witnessed God’s abundant provision. I wanted to share it because it’s a testimony to His love and abundance!

Our son, Samuel decided a few years ago that he really wanted to serve as a camp counselor at Camp Shamineau. He had been a camper there for years and loved it. He also loves helping younger kids. We completed the application and he was accepted for this summer. He’ll be serving for six weeks!

Enter my worry. Since he’ll be serving at the camp, he won’t be working all summer. Since he won’t be working, he won’t make any money. He drives a very old SUV and it needs to be replaced. But I didn’t want him to spend all his savings on a car for next year when he won’t be making any of that money back this summer. Next year he wants to go to a community college and will need the money in savings for gas and other expenses as it’s a 45 minute drive. All I could think of was, how will we get him a reliable vehicle without him spending all his savings and then having nothing left for next year? If he’s not making money this summer, how will he be able to take these classes next fall?

Enter God. He’s so good! What’s amazing about this story, is I never even brought this need to the Lord. I honestly didn’t even think to do so! But He still knows our needs, even if we don’t express them. He saw Samuel’s obedience to His calling and blessed it abundantly! Why do I worry? God always comes through.

Last week a friend texted me and asked me if we wanted a car. I’m not even joking! They wanted to just give us a car! And not just any car, but something that is absolutely perfect for Samuel to drive during that long commute over winter months. It has all wheel drive and is much newer than what he’s been driving. I could hardly believe it!

Here I am worrying and all the while God is at work. He stirred their hearts to think of us and offer the car, though they had no knowledge of the situation at all! They didn’t know what I was worrying about. They didn’t even know Samuel was going to serve at the camp! But Samuel was obedient to the Lord’s call and our friends were obedient to the Lord’s prompting.

God is so good!

He wants to take care of us! He desires to provide for us! Each and everyday. And not just a little bit, but lavishly and abundantly. Are we taking our needs to Him? Are we trusting Him?

I can’t remember a time in my life where I’ve felt like I’ve been in a constant battle day in and day out like right now. It’s so exhausting…and daunting…and difficult. And as soon as I let my guard down, thinking the battle is over, I get side swiped again.

I’m a visual person so I often turn things in my life into visuals in my mind. Often, lately, I picture a fierce knight, laden with armor and a sharp sword, standing in the lashing rain, knee deep in mud. On his face he wears the expression of perseverance, diligence, courage, and fatigue. It looks hopeless around him as the enemy closes in, but he doesn’t give up. He never gives up. Behind him in the clouds, there’s a break, albeit a small one. It’s there though. The sun is piercing through the clouds to rest on the knights shoulder and glint off his metal armor.

That’s me right now. It might seem hopeless. But there is always hope. That small ray of sun, is The Son. The one and only, always moving in to help, always standing alongside me in battle, always willing to fight the battle for me. If I would just let Him…

I tend to try to take things in my own hands. I am independent. I like control of every situation. I like to think I can handle it on my own. Enter another image I employ quite often.

I’m kneeling before the cross. A rugged, rough cut, cross. It stands tall before me. As I kneel there I think of all Jesus sacrificed for me. He sat on high with His Father and had it all. He left that for me. He suffered an unimaginable torture and death. He did that for me. He was put in a grave and endured hell for three days. He paid that for me. And thank the Lord, He rose again, removing that punishment from me forever! As I think of all that, I take a heavy pack off my shoulders. It’s been weighing me down, burdening me, leaving me weary and grumpy. It’s taken the fight right out of me. I remove that heavy burden and lay it at the foot of the cross.

When I picture this, I can actually feel the burden lifted off my shoulders. I feel lighter, like I can breathe easier.

My fault is this… I always seem to go back and pick it up again. I think for a while that Jesus can take care of it for me but then without even realizing it, I have that pack on my back again, trying to lug that load myself. What can I say? I’m a slow learner.

The battle that has been before me is one that’s common, I think, to any mom. We realize and see there’s a war for our children’s very souls. It’s a very real war with fierce battles between goodness and evil, purity and immorality, light and dark. There’s a child in my home for whom this battle is raging. Long ago, the Lord told me this child was going to be a force for His kingdom, so naturally, Satan wants said child.

The battle is and has been fierce, long, drawn out, and tiring. It’s especially tiring when I try to fight it alone. Or, worse, said child tries to go it alone. When I turn it over to the Lord, it doesn’t seem hopeless. It doesn’t seem to exhausting. When I let Him take the lead and PRAY PRAY PRAY, suddenly the light pierces the darkness and the enemy starts to tremble. There are break throughs and steps towards His kingdom and away from the darkness. This world and its dark ruler are powerful and we should never underestimate them.

But God! God is so much more powerful. He is victorious in these battles! I need to learn to let Him fight. He has way more experience, power and knowledge of the enemy than I do. I can trust Him to carry this burden. I can trust Him to win the day, month, year. I can trust Him to protect and turn my children’s hearts back to Him.

I can’t say it’s easy to do…take it from someone who wants to do it all herself! But, it is worth it. Let’s commit to lift our children to the One who made them and knows everything about them and loves them well.

…Days later…

I just reread this. It had been sitting in my draft folder for that few days. When I wrote this I had no idea the battle that was about to rage. I think the Lord gave me these words to write, knowing I’d need to hear them myself this week. The battle for my child rages on, but I see God’s hand at work each day, saving, healing, turning hearts, mending souls.

I can’t share details, but know that your prayers are coveted for our family. We need His armor, His army, His victory! And, for all you mamas who’s hearts hurt for your children and their struggles, I feel you. I am standing with you in prayer for our children. Let’s tell the devil, “No more! You can’t have our children!”