listening to God – Desired Haven Farm

Like Sheep

This morning I woke up debating if I should do a workout or go out to the garden for a bit. The call of the garden won and the moment I stepped out my front door I was so thankful I chose going outside. It was a breathtaking morning. Every different kind of birdsong was filling the air. The sun was warm and the breeze was light. After I grabbed my gloves and walked into the garden the sound of frogs in the pond delighted me. I just stood still in the sun and took a deep breath and said thank you, God.

It’s impossible to not praise God when all of creation around you is doing it.

There’s so many moments in my days when I stand, staring into space, wondering what I should do next. There’s always too many things on the to-do list. Do I move laundry or make lunch? Do I workout or go to the garden? Do I play a game with the kids or clean house? On and on it goes all day, every day.

This morning I chose the garden and it was so perfect and peaceful for a little while.

I had my coffee, my favorite shovel, and innumerable weeds to tackle.

And then, I made a bad choice.

For the last week, one of our ewes, Annie, keeps escaping. She’s decided one spot in the fence is an escape route, and despite an extra line AND a higher voltage fencer, she keeps getting out. But I thought, surely she’ll get it this time.

So I let them out. Within 10 minutes she was close to her chosen spot looking wistfully through the fence. I stood quiet and watched her. She looked around.

“Annie! Don’t even think about it!” I yelled.

She turned and started grazing.

A few minutes later I looked again. There she was, looking out.

“Annie! Don’t do it!”

She did it. She jumped right through. I heard the fence zapping her. The twins followed.

“Annie! You dumb sheep!”

So much a for a peaceful time in the garden, drinking coffee and weeding. Instead I spent my time trying to coerce her back into the fence. When she got close enough I grabbed her by the horns and dragged her to the barn. Now she’s locked up again, all because of her bad choices.

The culprit. Don’t be fooled by that innocent face.

It made me think of this verse:

Isaiah 53:6 ESV
All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

There are SO many references to sheep in the Bible. We are called sheep often. And I’ve been given the perfect visual daily lately about who we are.

We think we know. We’re sure we know. We are absolutely positive we’re on the right path. And the whole time we’re busting through the barrier God has put before us.

I don’t have an electric fence to be mean. It’s for my sheep’s safety. What Annie sees is greener grass on the other side. What she doesn’t see are cars, coyotes, and a lifetime of wandering if she gets really lost.

As smart as we think we are, we’re really just dumb sheep who can’t see past the green grass just out of reach. All too often I think I know what’s best but I’m really just hindering myself and blocking the blessing and safety God has for me.

As I was dragging her by the horns, heaving, sweating, and gasping, I asked God, how many times do you want to do this very thing to me? How many times am I being so dumb you want to just grab me and drag me?

It gave me pause. I thought about the fact that in those moments, when I’m standing and staring, wondering what to do next, I should be asking God what He wants me to do, instead of just busting through the fence not needing His warnings.

After all, He is the good shepherd. He really does know what’s best.

John 10:11 ESV
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

Reach Out

The other day I was feeling it all. Overwhelmed that Christmas is quickly barreling down and I have so much to do. So sick of sickness raging through the house. Frustrated that Andrew still doesn’t have a job. Yet, upset that he’s been working with a friend and not home all day anymore. And just feeling sad.

You know what, it’s ok to have those days.

As I got out of depression years ago, I remember being afraid of days like that. I’d worry I was slipping back into it and would have to climb that steep, rocky slope back out all over again. Thankfully it’s never gripped me again like that and I pray it never again does.

I learned a lot of good coping techniques during that time and they have become habit when I do have a bad day, but this week, for some reason, it just wasn’t working.

But God.

I don’t know how many times I’ve whispered those words in my life. If it weren’t for Him I don’t know where I’d be.

And that day, He reminded me how much he loves me. You know how He did it? Through sweet friends who listen to the Lord when he speaks to them! I hope you all have friends like that. They are precious.

I had 4 very timely texts that day. Friends texted saying “I was thinking about you today and just wanted to see how you are.” One was from a friend, hundreds of miles away who didn’t even know the kids had been sick. But God prompted her to reach out.

Another typed out her prayer for me so I could see how she lifted me up to our loving Father.

That evening a friend came with a gift for me. I wish I would have taken a photo of it! It was so beautifully wrapped and huge. It reminded me of those life size dolls girls always want.

She bought me a vacuum! Like an amazing stick vacuum! I hadn’t even known these existed until we were talking about them one day. Yes, homeschool mamas talk about vacuums and they are exhilarating conversations, ok?!

First it was an amazing gift. Second, she didn’t know what kind of a day I’d had emotionally. She said, “I was praying for you and God told me to buy you this.” She said she had often not believed when someone would say they heard from God to buy something for someone else, but she knew, clearly, that God wanted her to do it. And she obeyed.

Just like the friends who were asked by God to reach out and to pray for me. They listened and obeyed.

How often do we slow down enough to listen and obey our good good God? How many more times could we bless others if we just slowed and asked and waited for Him to tell us?

I was awed and humbled that day. Often in this trial, I’ve asked the Lord “are you there?, do you even hear me? Are you listening? Will you answer?” He is truly there and does listen. As he says in Isaiah 60:22, “I am the Lord; in its time I will hasten it.” I have to keep trusting He knows exactly when He will resolve all the things. And He keeps reminding me that He is working in the waiting.

Not only did I go to bed that night light in Spirit and heart, but with a lesson deeply impressed upon me. When someone is laid on your heart, reach out. If God tells you to do something, do it, even if it seems weird. You never know how you might change the trajectory of another person’s day.

Merry Christmas! May you be blessed and bless others!

Do You Need Silence?

Long ago, when my oldest were little, I was invited to be part of a Bible study. A good friend invited me along. It probably doesn’t seem like it to those who know me, but when I enter a new group of people I get shy and nervous. But, I went with my friend and walked into a small group of women, most of whom I didn’t know.

Little did I know that evening would become my favorite evening every week. I looked forward to it eagerly and hungrily. I came to love those women like sisters. We cried together, prayed together, ate delicious desserts together, and learned so much about God together.

The leader of that group became a dear dear friend and mentor to me. She modeled godly life and love daily to me for many years. I still consider her one of the dearest souls I know, though we don’t see each other as often as we used to. While that Thursday night Bible study is no more, the lessons I learned and the relationships I made have stuck with me for 20 years.

I just had coffee with that wonderful mentor. I don’t think we’ve sat down together for five years which is just awful. But it was a sweet time today. She’s still just as amazing at turning every person she meets towards Jesus. She’s still just as encouraging and optimistic. I learned a lot about how to look at life from her.

Today as we were catching up, she was sharing a story about someone she’s been trying to encourage. Someone who fills their time and minutes to their fullest and yet is left wanting. One thing she was always so good at and I’ve tried to learn from her, is to ask good questions.

She asked this friend, “Do you think you need more silence in your life?”

That just struck me so profoundly.

Silence.

When do we experience silence? Do we ever purposefully sit in silence? And when it is silent, are we filling it with our own thoughts, to do lists, projects?

Are we ever truly just silent? Mind and body still? Just listening?

It was a convicting thought. One I intend to ponder.

When we drive is the music filling the space? Or maybe screaming kids? When we fold laundry or do dishes, are we listening to a podcast or YouTube videos? When we sit on the porch are we scrolling Facebook?

I used to be much worse at filling every white space on my calendar. I used to look at an empty day as a place to put another activity, say yes to another playdate, drive to another event. Now, I look at those white spaces and see opportunity to say no, stay home, rest, catch up on things, and just be present with my family.

So, I’d say I’ve improved as far as how busy I am. I still have a ways to go. But to really just be silent…

That’s a new opportunity for learning and growth for sure.

You’ve seen the saying “Be still and know I am God” on signs and t-shirts. But have you ever really stopped to think about what that means or where it’s from?

Psalm 46:10

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

God will be exalted in the nations and the earth. It’s inevitable. It may not seem like it in the chaos of our world, but it’s coming. Be sure of that. And be at peace. Whatever you are going through, whatever chaos, crisis, catastrophe you are facing, Be Still.

Be still and know that he is God. He is on His throne. He has your best interests at heart. And He’s powerful enough to see it through to completion.

Do you need a little more silence in your life? I do. It’s time to let those white spaces on our calendar be silence. It’s time to sit and listen without asking, pleading, wanting. It’s time to know that He is God.

Superpowers!

Lately my three little boys have been intensely interested in super powers. They ask everyday, “if you could have any superpower, which superpower would you want?” And we all have to answer and tell why.

Last night at bedtime they asked me again. I said I think I’d want super speed because I could get lots of things done in a small amount of time. One answered, “I thought you’d want to be able to snap your fingers and the house would be clean.”

“Hmm, I think that would be a pretty good superpower too! I’d take that.”

Then another said, “I thought maybe you’d want to be able to snap your fingers and make everyone listen to you.”

Haha! I thought that was a good one and I laughed, but then I started to think about it more. What that really is, is control. And often as a parent I want control. Control of their behavior, their words and tone, even their thoughts.

But it’s not even realistic and even when we think we have control, we really don’t. We cannot control another person’s behavior, thoughts, or even whether they respect us or not. Often there can be a false facade of control. It can look like we’ve achieved control and, maybe, for a little while we might even actually have control of our kids. But it isn’t lasting or healthy.

I’ve been pondering this for some time. In fact, since a friend pointed it out a few months ago. We were talking about a difficult situation she had been in with another family. They were allowing their child to hurt her child and she had told them finally that they couldn’t spend time together anymore unless it stopped.

I said something to the effect of “why can’t they control their child?”

And she said something that really caused me to think.

“Well, no one can truly control their children. We can cause there to be something unpleasant when they act in a certain way and hope that gives them the desire to change their behavior, but we can’t truly control them.”

And I thought that was so wise. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Then the superpower conversation made it surface again. I think it’s something I’ve been thinking about so much because I like control. I like to have order and have my children behave a certain way. And then I believe I have control.

But I don’t, not really.

Then I started thinking about how God parents us. He doesn’t control us, ever. He gives us the freewill to make good and bad choices whenever we want. He doesn’t force us down a certain path or to say yes, dad, even.

He does, however allow good and bad consequences to follow our choices. I know He wants us to listen to Him, but He won’t snap his fingers and force us.

So, why do we turn to Him and listen?

Because of His great love for us. It’s that simple. He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. He loves us more than we can truly comprehend and so our hearts turn to Him in obedience.

Do we show our kids that much love? Or do we quickly want behavior change so we can go on with our day?

Often Dottie will come up to me and say, “I want you.” She wants to be snuggled a bit.

So, every time, regardless of what I’m doing I say, “I want you too” and I pick her up for a few minutes. It’s just one small way I can show her I love her so much. She’s spunky and has her own ideas of how things should go. She’s fiercely independent. But I’m hopeful that my love will help direct that to someday glorify God.

Because, if I’ve learned anything over the last 22 years, it’s that I cannot control these kids! I can just keep redirecting them back to the Lord and His great love for them.