Tag: god

Jonah Michael

Trusting in God often feels like taffy being stretched and pulled. You feel like you might break but it’s stretched just far enough that you change and bend. Then there’s rest to process and adjust.

Stretched but never broken. That’s how I feel.

This last week has been one of those stretching weeks. One of those times in my life where I’ve been stretched far beyond what I thought capable. If you believe the idiom “God never gives you more than you can handle”, just know it’s not true. He definitely allows things in your life that go beyond your capacity, reasoning, wisdom, and strength.

The amazing thing is that in those times, God also carries you and shows you His glory, His strength, and His faithfulness.

Not many people know this, but we were expecting our 13th baby this fall. There was a .03% chance that’d we’d get pregnant again. I won’t share how I know this percentage, just trust me that I know. We were very shocked and were dealing with a lot of emotions surrounding being pregnant again. It’s not like we are getting younger! And we have two grandbabies! Andrew is coming up on 50 next spring!

We were busy processing all the emotions of it and just coming to the point where we were starting to feel excited. Then, the bleeding started.

Over this past week, over the very day my mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer 24 years ago, we lost our sweet baby. We’ve never, in all our pregnancies had to walk this road. And I’ve always been grateful to God for that. It had always felt like something I wouldn’t be able to handle. Yet, here we are. And we’re being so sustained by God.

So many people brought us beautiful flowers that have cheered my soul!

He has walked us through each and every moment. We’ve felt lifted up and held by prayers. We’ve heard of people we don’t even know who have prayed for us. People are bringing meals and flowers, giving hugs and a listening ear. It’s one of those times in life where God is made tangibly known.

Weeks ago, when we had just found out, we had the very strong intuition that we were having a boy. We had no names picked out at all and nothing coming to mind.

One day, I was driving and praying about it all. I asked the Lord, “is there a name you want for this baby?” Right away Jonah came to mind. My very next thought was, Andrew won’t like that name.

About a week went by and Andrew and I were in the kitchen making dinner. He said, “You know, I had a boy’s name come to mind the other day but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Oh, yeah, well what is it?” I asked.

“Jonah.”

I laughed and shouted, “NO way! I had that very name come to mind a few days ago and thought you wouldn’t like it.”

We knew at that moment God had named our child.

Having to say goodbye to your child too early is not an easy road to walk. There is so much sorrow even though we never got to meet this little guy. He is a part of our family forever, even though he won’t grow up with his siblings. And there’s so much grief in our house with everyone grieving a different way and at different times.

But there’s so much good too. Knowing that Jonah went straight from the safety of the womb to the safety of Jesus’ arms is a blessing none can deny. He’ll never have to know the difficulties of this world.

Seeing our children love a baby from the moment they heard about him is amazing. Not one of them questioned adding another sibling. They just jumped up and down, excited to welcome him. And they cried when they heard he went to heaven early. Having our kids know beyond the shadow of a doubt that babies are a blessing and a gift is an immeasurable blessing.

Feeling God’s love wrap around us as we go through this has strengthened our faith and trust in Him. He’s always here, never leaves or forsakes us, and always carries us through. I’ve felt Him nearer than I have in a long time and have been so comforted by Him. He is so so good, all the time.

Jonah means ‘God’s sovereignty’. God showed us through this that He is on His throne with might and strength for us in dark days. He is a fortress and a refuge we can run into and be safe.

We gave Jonah the middle name Michael, which means ‘Who is like God?’. God displayed His power in protecting me as I miscarried. God showed His glory in so many ways, including how He gave us Jonah’s name. God showed His immeasurable and all powerful love through those who have ministered to us. There is truly no one like God.

Though we are still grieving and will for awhile, I wanted to share this with you all while it’s fresh in my mind. I want you all to be reminded that God is good. He loves you so much and cares about the tiniest details of your life. He is there in sorrow, He is there in joy.

I don’t know how we’d make it through something like this without God. If you are walking without God as a close companion, I want to encourage you right now to pray, ask Him to come into your life and show you His sovereignty and glory. Ask him to prove to you the answer to “Who is like God?”

You’ll find there’s no one like him.

I Never Thought We’d Be Here

Sometimes in life, you can look at where you are and think, I never thought we’d be here. I remember early last spring feeling as though we were in a reprieve, a rest spot. I remember having this anxious thought during that time, “uh oh, what’s coming, Lord?” He told me to prepare for the ride ahead and to rest in the moment. Much easier said than done.

Then the rains started to fall and the flood waters rose. But somehow, I knew that was only part of the ride. My spirit told me something more was coming and it was going to be later in the year.

Now, here we are, more than four months into unemployment, thinking, I never thought we’d be here. This last week Andrew made it to the third round of interviews for a job we thought he’d get and then he was turned down. The disappointment and feelings of rejection are real. Even when you know whose you are and what God says about you.

I have friends right now facing cancer, chronic illnesses, losing a child, and more. Our situation pales in comparison. Yet, whether it seems big or small to you or to the world, I want you to hear this…

God cares.

He cares so deeply. He cares on an intimate level that only a soulmate can care on. He cares so much that He sends personal reminders at the most perfect moments just so you know He’s thinking about you.

A friend of mine will sometimes post that she was having a really really bad day and feeling miserable and sorry for herself, when along comes a note or sweet gift from a friend, right at the very moment when she needed it most. That’s God! He does those things for us because he cares so deeply for our every hurt, concern, hardship, and situation.

This morning a friend texted and said, “read Psalm 120”. So I did. It was in reference to a completely different situation in my life aside from Andrew not having a job. But then I kept reading and read Psalm 121.

I wrote it out so I could really let it sink in!

And wouldn’t you know it? There was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. God prompted my friend to text that and get me right on the exact page where He wanted to speak to my hurting heart. And to Andrew’s.

He’s like that. All the time. Start looking for it and you’ll see it. Everywhere.

Another good friend of mine always says, “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.” I’m telling you, it’s so true!

Do You Need Silence?

Long ago, when my oldest were little, I was invited to be part of a Bible study. A good friend invited me along. It probably doesn’t seem like it to those who know me, but when I enter a new group of people I get shy and nervous. But, I went with my friend and walked into a small group of women, most of whom I didn’t know.

Little did I know that evening would become my favorite evening every week. I looked forward to it eagerly and hungrily. I came to love those women like sisters. We cried together, prayed together, ate delicious desserts together, and learned so much about God together.

The leader of that group became a dear dear friend and mentor to me. She modeled godly life and love daily to me for many years. I still consider her one of the dearest souls I know, though we don’t see each other as often as we used to. While that Thursday night Bible study is no more, the lessons I learned and the relationships I made have stuck with me for 20 years.

I just had coffee with that wonderful mentor. I don’t think we’ve sat down together for five years which is just awful. But it was a sweet time today. She’s still just as amazing at turning every person she meets towards Jesus. She’s still just as encouraging and optimistic. I learned a lot about how to look at life from her.

Today as we were catching up, she was sharing a story about someone she’s been trying to encourage. Someone who fills their time and minutes to their fullest and yet is left wanting. One thing she was always so good at and I’ve tried to learn from her, is to ask good questions.

She asked this friend, “Do you think you need more silence in your life?”

That just struck me so profoundly.

Silence.

Pacific Ocean, San Diego

When do we experience silence? Do we ever purposefully sit in silence? And when it is silent, are we filling it with our own thoughts, to do lists, projects?

Are we ever truly just silent? Mind and body still? Just listening?

It was a convicting thought. One I intend to ponder.

When we drive is the music filling the space? Or maybe screaming kids? When we fold laundry or do dishes, are we listening to a podcast or YouTube videos? When we sit on the porch are we scrolling Facebook?

I used to be much worse at filling every white space on my calendar. I used to look at an empty day as a place to put another activity, say yes to another playdate, drive to another event. Now, I look at those white spaces and see opportunity to say no, stay home, rest, catch up on things, and just be present with my family.

So, I’d say I’ve improved as far as how busy I am. I still have a ways to go. But to really just be silent…

That’s a new opportunity for learning and growth for sure.

You’ve seen the saying “Be still and know I am God” on signs and t-shirts. But have you ever really stopped to think about what that means or where it’s from?

Psalm 46:10

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

God will be exalted in the nations and the earth. It’s inevitable. It may not seem like it in the chaos of our world, but it’s coming. Be sure of that. And be at peace. Whatever you are going through, whatever chaos, crisis, catastrophe you are facing, Be Still.

Be still and know that he is God. He is on His throne. He has your best interests at heart. And He’s powerful enough to see it through to completion.

Do you need a little more silence in your life? I do. It’s time to let those white spaces on our calendar be silence. It’s time to sit and listen without asking, pleading, wanting. It’s time to know that He is God.

Watch the Harvest

We spent a beautiful February day pruning our fruit trees. Usually in February we’re huddled inside by the fire watching the winter wind whip the icy snow in swirls and drifts around our property. This winter has been vastly different from most I remember. The temperatures have been mostly above freezing when they usually rare get even up to 32 degrees. And many of the February days have felt like spring. So, we took advantage of them and started pruning.

When we first moved here, the orchard was in tough shape. There were plum trees that were so overgrown you couldn’t see through them or walk between them. They bore teeny plums that were mostly pits. They didn’t last long. We attempted pruning but they were too far gone and we ended up cutting them down.

The apple and pear trees weren’t much better and needed desperate pruning and chopping. Honestly, I didn’t really know what I was doing when I started. I watched a lot of YouTube videos from actual pruners, read myriad articles, and asked others. I still went really conservative when I first pruned.

There were five types of branches to prune. Those that are diseased or dead, those that grow inward, those that grow straight upward, those that grow straight downward, and those that crisscross.

I’d say the first couple years I pruned a few branches, leaving a vast majority for fear I would harm the tree. As the years have gone though and I’ve learned more about pruning, I’m much less conservative and far more generous in my chopping. The pile of branches after we’re done is impressive and takes numerous trips to the burn pile from the orchard.

One thing that has struck me is that 4 out of 5 of the branches to prune are healthy. They aren’t diseased or dead. If left, they would bud and bear leaves.

This year, I’d say 99% of the branches we cut off were healthy, live branches. So why remove them? If they aren’t dead, why bother?

Well, if left, while they would bear leaves, they wouldn’t bear fruit. And, in fact, they would choke out the tree and not allow other branches to bear fruit either. It would actually be detrimental to the fruit tree and not allow it to have full life.

Taking away a branch that doesn’t bear fruit is easy. It’s easy to see a diseased or dead branch and it doesn’t feel all that painful to cut that away. But it’s hard to cut away those branches that look healthy and strong. It’s difficult to bring the clippers to the base of those branches that are still green and supple.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:1

The orchard at sunrise! Look at those pruned trees!

It’s the same in our lives, isn’t it? It’s not usually that difficult to find the dead and diseased parts of our lives and allow the Lord to prune those away. Although, let’s be honest, it is sometimes hard to let go of some of our stubborn sins.

But, isn’t it even harder and more painful to allow the Lord to prune those things that seem healthy and good? What about those activities or schedule fillers that we can justify as good and helpful? What about those people that make us laugh and send us funny memes? What about that Caribou coffee every morning? What about those kids’ sports that keep us running every day of the week but seem good for the kids? What about that podcast you listen to in the morning instead of tuning into God’s Word?

I’ve heard it said that Satan doesn’t have to tell us God isn’t real or unimportant, he just has to keep us busy enough to not think about God. Is that where we are? Is that where you are?

Are you willing to let the Lord prune that which looks healthy?

The Lord has called each of us to a purpose. To know Him, His Word, and to glorify Him with our lives. If we want to actually fulfill this purpose, then we have to allow him to cut away that which causes us to fail. And it might just be a bit painful.

God may ask you to stop spending time with certain people because, while they make you laugh and desire to spend time with you, they aren’t encouraging you toward His kingdom but actually away from it.

God may ask you to set aside that good book or funny podcast because, while they entertain, they may not encourage godly thoughts and pondering of His Word.

God may prune away all those extracurricular activities because, while they may be fulfilling to one child, they are dividing your family and preventing family time.

God might just be telling you to quit buying those extras because, while they boost you up in the moment, they aren’t giving true contentment and satisfaction.

Why does God want to prune these things and probably more away?

“…that it may bear more fruit”

That YOU may bear more fruit. More of your days being faithful to His call, more of your heart and mind focused on His goodness, mercy, and grace, more of your time discipling your children to know and love God, more of your good works serving your husband and children and church. That YOU may bear more fruit.

When I truly started believing my fruit trees would bear more fruit if I was relentless and harsh in my pruning and I put that belief into action, I truly saw better health and harvests from my orchard. It’s painful to do and I sometimes question if I’m doing it right, and even Andrew will say, are you sure you want to cut that much away? But my faithfulness each year in generously pruning has paid off.

Allowing God to generously prune your life will pay off far more than my orchard ever will. He loves you and wants the best for you. He will only prune anything that would destroy you or harm you, even if it seems the opposite at the time. You can trust Him. He knows better than you or I what we need in our lives.

Let Him prune and watch the harvest that will come!

Even the ducks are impressed.

Defining Ourselves

Sometimes the best revelations come when you’re talking with a good friend. Yesterday I was having a great conversation, just catching up with someone. Someone who has been on a giant life journey the last two years of rediscovering herself and who she is in Christ.

It’s been a beautiful journey to watch and be a part of. Sometimes she allows me to be her sounding board and I feel privileged that I’ve gotten to be a part of it. It’s been painful, joy-filled, encouraging, and sometimes scary to watch as God rips open seams she’s sewn across her heart and fills those hurt places with His love, mercy, and grace.

I’ve watched her faith grow and mine has grown in the midst of it too. It’s always awe-inspiring to see God work. I often just stand shocked and then think, I shouldn’t be so shocked. My God is a big big God and nothing is impossible with Him. But, every time I’m shocked. I guess that’s part of what stirs and grows our faith in these things.

In the midst of a conversation about projects (which are never-ending around here), we started talking about being busy. It’s morphed in her life, and to be honest in mine as well. Being busy used to be a status symbol for her, it was what defined her. And I think most of us can relate to that. Our culture applauds busyness, rushing, hustle, adding another thing to our to-do list. Even our kids are many times defined by what they do. I still distinctly remember overhearing a woman talking on the phone and the person on the other line must have asked about her kids. Her response struck me as so typical and yet a little sad.

“Oh, we have a track runner, an artist, and a dancer.”

Her children were defined by their activities. I think many of us define ourselves with what we do. It’s hard to tell others about ourselves without sharing the busyness.

But what happens when we are only defined by our work, our activities, our progress in something?

One thing I’ve heard from my friend throughout her journey is that her work and how good she was at it was what defined her. So, if something didn’t go well at work, even if it wasn’t directly her fault, she took it as a personal hit. It became so important to do it all right that she became completely burned out and despondent.

Enter Jesus.

I won’t share her whole journey, that’s for her to share. But I will share what she’s learning, and what I’m learning as well. As she’s been on this journey I’ve been frequently convicted by her steps. In a good way. I’m seeing where I’ve been defined by the wrong things too.

We’re both learning that Jesus defines us. We are children of the One True God. We belong to His kingdom as princesses of the King. We are accepted by Jesus and not just accepted but adopted into His family as sisters. We have full access to an all powerful God. We are loved, no matter our pasts, no matter how many times we mess up, and no matter what others think of us.

I might have to digest these longer and break them down. What does each one mean for our lives? How does it make what we do different? How does it change us?

Often I see others praise and call out children around them for what they do, especially in Christian circles. They loudly praise and honor the sports kids are involved in. They want to know all about their practices and games.

What about the kids who don’t do sports? Are they less than? What if they are artists, comedians, Bible enthusiasts, book lovers, or animal whisperers? Do those activities matter less?

They do to that specific person because he or she is “into sports”. But those children certainly are less than. I think that as adults we need to be willing to see kids for their wonder of the world around them, their love for the Lord, their trusting faith, and their care and compassion of others, not what they do.

We need to be careful we aren’t putting certain people on pedestals because of a certain activity. Especially as adults. It’s our job to teach kids how they are defined and if we’re only praising those who do sports, we’re missing the mark by a long shot.

Let’s all practice defining ourselves and others by Jesus, not by the world’s standards!