desiredhavenfarm

The Last Hour

The last six months have been an interesting ride. We’ve lost and gained and through it all God has shown up.

Just today a friend posted how her car broke down today, right before she was headed on a trip and how amazing it was that God protected her and took care of her. Her car could have broken down on the road, away from family to help her, but instead it happened right where she could get help.

That’s the kind of God we have. Sometimes it doesn’t look like help and protection and provision. She could have looked at that as a total negative; what if her trip had to be moved or cancelled.

We have to have the right perspective about the things that happen in our life. And when we look for God’s provision, we see it!

We can see the darkness, or we can choose to see the light.

From the moment Andrew lost his job another company began pursuing him. They offered him a good salary and he knew the industry. But we knew it wasn’t the right fit. It was so tempting though because he would have been getting double paid and we wouldn’t have had to worry about finding a job. But we just knew.

In September Andrew’s Rolodex of business cards fell. It scattered cards everywhere. In all the mess, one card was face up. Just one.

Andrew picked it up and thought, hmm, maybe I should reach out. So he did. He had a great meeting with the gentleman who was, in fact, going to be needing someone. He just wasn’t sure when.

So Andrew pursued anything and everything, applying to many, many places. He had a few interviews, a lot of “no thanks” emails. It’s hard to see those over and over again. I kept trying to reassure him that he was amazing and the right job was out there and God knew where it was. But it’s hard to face rejection repeatedly.

In November, we heard a speaker talk about God’s timing. He said something like this, “God is the slowest person I know. He likes to create a little drama, ramp things up a bit before he comes through. But He always comes through, usually at the last hour.”

My Spirit reacted to that. The Last Hour. On the way home, I told Andrew, I think God just told me today He’s working and we have to keep waiting and trusting. He’s going to come in at the last hour.

Now for us impatient folks, that’s not what we want to hear. But God. More than desiring to give a job, He desired us to learn to wait on Him, to trust Him more deeply, and to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He’ll keep His promise to take care of us.

In early December Andrew made it to the third round of interviews at a really great company close to home. We were excited and it seemed like a good fit. Then he got the “sorry but we went with someone else email”. We felt very defeated and sad.

Yet, I heard that quiet whisper again…it’s not the last hour.

There’s nothing quite like going through Christmas unemployed, knowing severance is going to run out soon, with no prospects on the horizon.

Then, Andrew got a text, hey I posted a job, you should apply. It was from the person whose business card had landed face up. So he applied. He told them plainly what he’d need to make and how important our family time is. He laid out all his parameters up front, just feeling like he needed to.

They interviewed him and then it was quiet for quite a while. Andrew kept sending out his resume, grasping at suggestions from friends and anything he found online. It’s truly a testament to Andrew’s diligence and perseverance. To see him up early every morning, scouring the internet, filling out applications, writing cover letters tailored to each job, answering emails. He really put in his all.

But there’s only so much you can do when job hunting. A lot lies in the employers and their willingness to say yes. And, of course, as we know, most of it lies with God and His workings.

Fast forward to the new year and Andrew finally got a call for a second interview. He felt both interviews went well and he really enjoyed getting to know everyone he talked to. Still, they hadn’t said anything about pay which made us a bit nervous.

Another couple weeks went by and Andrew got a text from this same gentleman. He wanted to come down and meet with Andrew. We thought, surely he’s not going to travel all the way down here to say “no thanks”.

But he didn’t offer the job. He asked a lot more questions. Andrew got the feeling he really liked Andrew but had reservations. After the meeting he told Andrew they were going to make a decision in a week.

Four days later, Andrew received an offer letter! And, well, let’s just say, God knew exactly what He was doing all along. I’m still standing in awe of how he has orchestrated every detail.

He gave Andrew all his requests, even ones we hadn’t prayed for!

And He came in at the very last hour. You see his severance runs out three days before he starts his new job! If that isn’t the last hour, I don’t know what is!

Andrew is now the store manager at Heartland Outlet in Shakopee, a place that marries business with ministry. There literally isn’t a better fit for Andrew! He loves sales and he loves Jesus and He gets to combine them everyday now at work!

We are excited and hopeful and praising Jesus for this. We also recognize it’s a long commute, so please pray for safety over him as he drives 2 hours everyday. And please pray for a better all-wheel drive vehicle he can commute in. We know God gave him this job and we know He’ll provide for all the details too, including a car. The one he drives now has almost 300,000 miles on it!

I want to say, truly and from my heart, if you’ve been praying for our family, thank you. We serve a listening Father, who comes through, even if He does wait until the last hour!

Weeping into Rejoicing

January. It’s kind of the worst month. Christmas is over, it’s cold, gloomy, and gray. Often there isn’t much snow and if there is snow it’s so cold outside you can’t go out anyway.

Add to it for me the fact that my mom died in this month and it’s a recipe for a downright crappy month.

I’ve tried hard over the years to find ways to enjoy this month. And things have worked some.

My fireplace, focusing on my sister’s birthday and my daughter-in-law’s birthday, finding good books to read, lighting candles, crocheting, browsing my seed catalogs. They have all helped me get through it.

But I’ve learned, too, over the years to let myself be sad. It’s ok to feel that and think about what I’m missing. It’s ok to acknowledge it sucks and hurts, even 23 years later.

And then, like I’ve said so many times before, I need to reframe my thoughts and look at the positive. Don’t say, well I’m not an optimist, so that’s not how I think. I wasn’t either, but guess what. You can retrain your brain! I did it. It’s possible. You can choose how you look at situations.

Does it still feel unfair that she was taken so young and just when I was starting to have babies? Absolutely.

But I know she’s in a beautiful place, fully healed, worshipping her Savior.

One thing I’ve learned over the past couple years, is that if you haven’t healed from your hurts and trauma from the past, it’s going to eek out sideways at those around you. I’ve been the recipient of it for a couple years and it isn’t an easy thing to watch or to deal with.

Every one of us has things in our past that hurt and affected us deeply. We can choose to sit in the yuck. But there are consequences of that. Usually you push others away with horrible behavior in some fashion or another. It’s worth going through the hard and hurt and fear and crud to come out on the other side healed.

It’s worth it for you and for those you love. So feel the sadness and grieve the loss of how you thought life should look. Feel those hard feelings and then process them, give them to the Lord, and ask Him to fill those hurt places. Get a counselor, a good godly one, if you feel you need one.

Whatever it takes, get healthy. It’s hard, but it’s much harder to carry the burden for the rest of your life, swinging it around at unsuspecting people and hurting them too.

I remember being so angry at God for a long time after my mom died. And I could have stayed there. But I saw what it was doing to me and to my family and it wasn’t worth keeping.

Now, I can spend a day sad that my mom isn’t here. And then I can rejoice the next day that I am and that the Lord gave me an awesome husband, 12 amazing kids, a terrific daughter-in-law, 2 grandkids, family and friends, and so many more blessings. I can smile knowing my mom is fully healed and restored.

Not So Hidden Blessings

Andrew and I were reminiscing about 2024 on the 31st.

We’ve been seeing all these memes about 2024 ending and 2025 coming. Things like

2024 says, “But did you die?”

No one claim 2025 as your year. We’re all going to walk in nice and slow like.

We’ve been laughing at them because, honestly, we can relate. But as we talked over the year, we were blown away by God’s faithfulness and constant presence.

We were devastated when our garden flooded and we lost everything, but God gave us rest we hadn’t had in a long time.

We were shocked when Andrew was let go from his job, but God gave Andrew restoration and healing after being so burned out. God gave release and freedom where there seemed to be none. God has provided each and every day since July 22nd.

We were blessed with three visits with Isaiah.

Because Andrew was off work, we were able to help Samuel and Liv fix up their new house.

God added to our family by sending sweet Eli.

God brought new friends into our life whom we desperately needed.

God forged other friendships deeper and purer.

He showed us who truly had our back.

There are always going to be hard times, difficult seasons, and trying circumstances. We live in a broken and fallen world.

But God.

He is ever present and working. He loves us and desires to bless us abundantly. Sometimes we just have to look at a situation differently.

So whatever 2024 looked like for you, ask God where is the blessing in this? Guaranteed they are there and he’ll show you!

Busy Bins

We’ve had yucky illnesses running through out house, like the rest of Minnesota. I don’t know many who are fully healthy right now. But we’ve been very cooped up and the kids are getting bored.

Sometimes desperation leads to creativity!

I wandered the Dollar Tree the other day and found so many great things to make busy bins!

First, I found muffin tins for $1.25 each, glued some colored construction paper in the bottom of the cups and created a color sorting toy! The pom poms were from Target as they didn’t have any at the Dollar Tree. Even the 9 year old loves it!

Next, a couple bags of cheap rice, a bin, and some mini jingle bells and Christmas themed erasers, all from the dollar store! I also found some bright colored measuring cups they can use to dig. The items can easily be changed out when it isn’t Christmas break. This one gets messy with the one year old, but my new stick vacuum (thank you, friend) makes it easy to clean up!

This one is black beans with fairy houses, a little dog toy that included 2 dogs, a dog bed, house, dish, and brush. Then the fake succulents were in little plastic cups for a decoration but I just ripped the succulent out (it was literally just stuck into foam) and now they are bushes! The little blocks were in the craft aisle!

This one is super fun! They had all these super hero and movie characters in the toy aisle. I added some mini blocks and mini storage containers from the kitchen section and the kids love building, stacking, and imagining with the figures.

Hopefully this spurs on some creativity in your house for these cold winter days! The clear bins were at the Dollar store too! All in all, I didn’t spend more than $30 to keep the little ones busy as the older ones do school and the temps drop.

Reach Out

The other day I was feeling it all. Overwhelmed that Christmas is quickly barreling down and I have so much to do. So sick of sickness raging through the house. Frustrated that Andrew still doesn’t have a job. Yet, upset that he’s been working with a friend and not home all day anymore. And just feeling sad.

You know what, it’s ok to have those days.

As I got out of depression years ago, I remember being afraid of days like that. I’d worry I was slipping back into it and would have to climb that steep, rocky slope back out all over again. Thankfully it’s never gripped me again like that and I pray it never again does.

I learned a lot of good coping techniques during that time and they have become habit when I do have a bad day, but this week, for some reason, it just wasn’t working.

But God.

I don’t know how many times I’ve whispered those words in my life. If it weren’t for Him I don’t know where I’d be.

And that day, He reminded me how much he loves me. You know how He did it? Through sweet friends who listen to the Lord when he speaks to them! I hope you all have friends like that. They are precious.

I had 4 very timely texts that day. Friends texted saying “I was thinking about you today and just wanted to see how you are.” One was from a friend, hundreds of miles away who didn’t even know the kids had been sick. But God prompted her to reach out.

Another typed out her prayer for me so I could see how she lifted me up to our loving Father.

That evening a friend came with a gift for me. I wish I would have taken a photo of it! It was so beautifully wrapped and huge. It reminded me of those life size dolls girls always want.

She bought me a vacuum! Like an amazing stick vacuum! I hadn’t even known these existed until we were talking about them one day. Yes, homeschool mamas talk about vacuums and they are exhilarating conversations, ok?!

First it was an amazing gift. Second, she didn’t know what kind of a day I’d had emotionally. She said, “I was praying for you and God told me to buy you this.” She said she had often not believed when someone would say they heard from God to buy something for someone else, but she knew, clearly, that God wanted her to do it. And she obeyed.

Just like the friends who were asked by God to reach out and to pray for me. They listened and obeyed.

How often do we slow down enough to listen and obey our good good God? How many more times could we bless others if we just slowed and asked and waited for Him to tell us?

I was awed and humbled that day. Often in this trial, I’ve asked the Lord “are you there?, do you even hear me? Are you listening? Will you answer?” He is truly there and does listen. As he says in Isaiah 60:22, “I am the Lord; in its time I will hasten it.” I have to keep trusting He knows exactly when He will resolve all the things. And He keeps reminding me that He is working in the waiting.

Not only did I go to bed that night light in Spirit and heart, but with a lesson deeply impressed upon me. When someone is laid on your heart, reach out. If God tells you to do something, do it, even if it seems weird. You never know how you might change the trajectory of another person’s day.

Merry Christmas! May you be blessed and bless others!

Cold Weather Projects

Cold weather has set in here in good ole Minnesota. And usually once it’s here, it stays awhile. We never see spring when we want to, just whenever Minnesota feels like thawing. Not only is it cold, it’s dark. Like dark a lot. At about 4pm it feels like we should have a late dinner and call it a night. And then you look at the clock and realize there’s a whole lot more day left.

I used to despise this time of year. It gave me depression and I always felt a complete lack of energy. But I’m learning it’s a time for slowing down. It’s ok to go to bed early like the sun does. It’s ok to pull out the crafts and good movies. It’s perfectly acceptable to slow everything down. And, honestly, it’s good for us.

Lately I’ve been organizing drawers, cupboards,and closets.

These cabinets were driving me nuts. The bags just never stand up and they were always getting rearranged.

I went down the Aldi Aisle of Shame (admit it, you do it). And I found some great storage containers for a good deal. That was the catalyst and it snowballed from there.

But now…I really love these spaces and they are much more functional.

I had some containers, bought the ones from Aldi, and completed the project with some bins from Walmart.

And, no organizing project is complete without cute labels!

While it’s cold and dark out, turn on some tunes, light some candles, and get to those projects that have been bothering you! They make you feel so good!

I Never Thought We’d Be Here

Sometimes in life, you can look at where you are and think, I never thought we’d be here. I remember early last spring feeling as though we were in a reprieve, a rest spot. I remember having this anxious thought during that time, “uh oh, what’s coming, Lord?” He told me to prepare for the ride ahead and to rest in the moment. Much easier said than done.

Then the rains started to fall and the flood waters rose. But somehow, I knew that was only part of the ride. My spirit told me something more was coming and it was going to be later in the year.

Now, here we are, more than four months into unemployment, thinking, I never thought we’d be here. This last week Andrew made it to the third round of interviews for a job we thought he’d get and then he was turned down. The disappointment and feelings of rejection are real. Even when you know whose you are and what God says about you.

I have friends right now facing cancer, chronic illnesses, losing a child, and more. Our situation pales in comparison. Yet, whether it seems big or small to you or to the world, I want you to hear this…

God cares.

He cares so deeply. He cares on an intimate level that only a soulmate can care on. He cares so much that He sends personal reminders at the most perfect moments just so you know He’s thinking about you.

A friend of mine will sometimes post that she was having a really really bad day and feeling miserable and sorry for herself, when along comes a note or sweet gift from a friend, right at the very moment when she needed it most. That’s God! He does those things for us because he cares so deeply for our every hurt, concern, hardship, and situation.

This morning a friend texted and said, “read Psalm 120”. So I did. It was in reference to a completely different situation in my life aside from Andrew not having a job. But then I kept reading and read Psalm 121.

I wrote it out so I could really let it sink in!

And wouldn’t you know it? There was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. God prompted my friend to text that and get me right on the exact page where He wanted to speak to my hurting heart. And to Andrew’s.

He’s like that. All the time. Start looking for it and you’ll see it. Everywhere.

Another good friend of mine always says, “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.” I’m telling you, it’s so true!

Oh Christmas Tree

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree…

I love Christmas trees! I would have one in every room if my hubby let me! I love Christmas, and celebrating Jesus, and I think it’s a worthy goal to celebrate all month long.

This year, our Christmas tree adventure wasn’t all that great. It was 7 degrees outside and I was cold. We rushed down a row of trees, the kids pointing to every one and shouting ‘this one looks good!’ Andrew kept looking at the next tree and the next tree. I finally just stopped at a tree and said ‘cut this one down!’ He thought there might just be another good one farther down but I didn’t care. It took less than 10 minutes, we were mostly frozen, but we got a tree.

Watching the kids pull out their ornaments from every year and remembering how old they were and where they got it, just fills my heart. I used to crave the perfectly decorated tree with matching ornaments, bows, and garland. But I’ve gotten over that and love our mismatched assortment of ornaments that all mean something to my family. I look at each ornament and remember the trip we took, or the baby we were blessed with that year. And my tree has deep meaning throughout the Christmas season because of that.

There’s something so magical about sitting in the living room in the dark (which comes around really early in December in Minnesota) and having the lights of the tree and the glow of the fire. It always reminds me of Jesus who is the Light of the World and commands us to be the same.

When it’s dark and cold and the blustery north wind is howling against our house, the lights on the tree warm our hearts and show us how important it is to shine our light brightly to those around us in this dark world. The darker the world and sin, the brighter Jesus shines in and through us.

This Christmas season, I hope you find time to sit, to ponder, and to truly fall in love with the Light of the World, the reason for the season, Jesus.

Thank You

Two simple words. But they can completely revolutionize our mindset and thinking. Truly, they can.

Years ago, I struggled through some pretty dark depression. My mind swirled with negative thoughts. They waged a war on me, especially in the dead of night. When I look back on those days, I see darkness overshadowing my memories, almost like it was always 4pm on a cold November day.

‘Thank you’ got me out of those days. ‘Thank you’ transformed my thoughts from dark and negative to grateful and full of joy. Please believe me when I say, ‘Thank you’ can save your life.

My counselor had me write three things at the end of each day that I was thankful for. I had a journal next to my bed and every night when I crawled into bed, I’d click on my bedside lamp and grab my journal and pen. And then I’d sit there in bed, pen hovering over blank paper, racking my brain for anything I could possibly say thank you for.

Some nights my list looked like this:

Thank you that I made it through today. Thank you for my family. Thank you for good food.

That list could take me 15 minutes to come up with. It was half-hearted and a struggle. But I did it. Every night. Mostly because I was willing to try anything to feel better and win the war against negative thoughts ruining my life.

What I didn’t realize in the midst of it, but can look back now and see, was that I was slowly but surely rewiring my brain. Did you know that when you choose to be thankful and grateful you actually cause new connections to be made in your brain, until those connections become your regular pathways? You actually change how your brain functions.

After a few months of doing this, it hit me that it was coming naturally. And not just at bedtime when I HAD to do it, but all day. I was starting to see things I could be thankful for in everyday occurrences without effort. I was becoming an optimist, just because I forced myself to be thankful. Suddenly, I didn’t have to force it anymore. It had become a part of me and had made me a better person.

This last year has been a hard one. We’ve faced a lot of change. God told me this past summer he was sifting.

But you know what, I am thankful. I have so much to be thankful for that I haven’t hardly had time to feel anxious or worried over what’s to come. Isn’t that cool? I’m telling you, choosing to be thankful has some consequences.

Consequences like an unquenchable joy, a deep trust in the One who loves me, and no room for anxiety. I’m not making this up!

Today, I can say Thank you, God, that we’ve had four months with Andrew at home with us. Thank you for giving Andrew his joy, health, and energy back and healing him from burn out. Thank you for providing while we trust. Thank you for a sweet new grandbaby. Thank you for true friends who have walked this journey with us every step of the way. Thank you for sifting out the good to make room for the great. Thank you for protection over us while we haven’t had insurance. Thank you for people who truly ask how we’re doing and not just how the job search is going. Thank you for being a great God who we can trust through anything and who never leaves us nor forsakes us. Thank you for making us thankful.

This list could go on and on and flows through my fingers as naturally as a stream babbling along.

If thankfulness doesn’t come naturally for you, start fighting for it. Right now, today. Grab a journal and a pen and force yourself to be thankful. Pretty soon, you’ll find you don’t have to force yourself anymore. Suddenly, one day, you’ll realize you’re just thankful all the time.

Sunset Porch

When the garden is ruined by flooding you take on other projects. Well, at least we do.

We like to stay productive and active and we have lots of ideas that don’t always come together, but this summer one came together more perfectly than I hoped or imagined!

I found this photo years ago of a porch with three walls made of old doors and a tin roof. That got me thinking. I started to collect old doors and Andrew asked around for some. We finally had enough this past spring and Liv and I picked out paint colors and started in!

It took all summer and lots of configuring, measuring, questions, scrounging for materials, and planning. The best part is the whole family helped!

It’s absolutely amazing and magical and if you can’t find me I’ll be tucked in the corner of my property in my sunset porch. Just because I’m on the porch doesn’t mean I’m home!

As you walk up to it from the back yard. It sits in the southwest corner facing west so we can watch the sunset.

As you can see here, we hung twinkling lantern lights. Andrew designed and built the pergola roof with tin.

Here’s the front. Liv and I spent all summer painting flowers on all the doors. We sprayed the doors with urethane to protect our artwork and it frosted the glass, which I absolutely love!

Here’s all our doors! Each one is unique and I love them so much. The best part is I had so much fun connecting with my sweet daughter-in-law while we painted together!

Had to grab some night shots with my new camera! These are so magical!

All I need is some furniture and a Solo Stove and I’ll be set!

Being productive and working hard is important to us. We value it daily in ourselves and our children. The fruit of our labor is so rewarding and fulfilling! And sometimes our labor reaps something so much more beautiful than we could have thought!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.