Tag: discipline

Diligence, Discipline, and Discovery

My Opa was one of the neatest men I ever knew. You know when you’re a kid or younger adult you don’t always realize how special a grandpa is. But even as a young girl I looked up to him and was in awe of him.

He survived World War II as a German soldier. He was shot in the stomach and Americans picked up him, got him to their hospital, did surgery and saved his life. He had this huge scar across his chest and stomach that I always stared at when we went swimming together. And he was always happy to tell the story.

He was an engineer after the war and helped design a sled that’s still used in the Arctic.

In later years, whenever I’d go to Germany to visit, he’d always he studying something new. He loved to study English and was quite proficient. He loved to garden, bike, hike, study architect, watch the news, read in English, and learn from others in his village. He could build just about anything.

He never quit learning, his whole life. When he came to visit me he spent half his time studying how my house was built because it was so different than his.

I’ve realized over the last couple of years that I want to be like him! I want to push myself to learn something new every year, even every month. I want to do hard things that push me past where I don’t think I can go.

Recently our family joined Taekwondo and let me tell you, it definitely pushes you past what you think you can do! It’s not for the faint of heart!

What I’ve found is that it’s not just the physical push. There’s a mental push in needing to know the terms, the pledge, counting in Korean, remembering the forms. Then there’s the emotional push as well. Pushing myself and my kids to go when we’re tired and it’s cold out and we rather stay inside. Pushing past the soreness and mental strain.

The whole family is learning the importance of diligence and discipline. We don’t get to just show up once or twice to class and expect we have it all down. We have to show up ready to learn and do hard things.  And we have to show up over and over so we can go to the testing confidently. Not only that but we want to be proud of what we’ve accomplished by doing it well.

It’s probably true that you could find a way to slide by and do Taekwondo half-heartedly and still pass a test. But then, what could we be proud of? What did we learn? In the end, it’s not worth it.

My Opa taught me,  if you’re going to do something, do it well. Be exceptional. Push past your limits. And, of course, do it with your friends!

Superpowers!

Lately my three little boys have been intensely interested in super powers. They ask everyday, “if you could have any superpower, which superpower would you want?” And we all have to answer and tell why.

Last night at bedtime they asked me again. I said I think I’d want super speed because I could get lots of things done in a small amount of time. One answered, “I thought you’d want to be able to snap your fingers and the house would be clean.”

“Hmm, I think that would be a pretty good superpower too! I’d take that.”

Then another said, “I thought maybe you’d want to be able to snap your fingers and make everyone listen to you.”

Credit: Marvel

Haha! I thought that was a good one and I laughed, but then I started to think about it more. What that really is, is control. And often as a parent I want control. Control of their behavior, their words and tone, even their thoughts.

But it’s not even realistic and even when we think we have control, we really don’t. We cannot control another person’s behavior, thoughts, or even whether they respect us or not. Often there can be a false facade of control. It can look like we’ve achieved control and, maybe, for a little while we might even actually have control of our kids. But it isn’t lasting or healthy.

I’ve been pondering this for some time. In fact, since a friend pointed it out a few months ago. We were talking about a difficult situation she had been in with another family. They were allowing their child to hurt her child and she had told them finally that they couldn’t spend time together anymore unless it stopped.

I said something to the effect of “why can’t they control their child?”

And she said something that really caused me to think.

“Well, no one can truly control their children. We can cause there to be something unpleasant when they act in a certain way and hope that gives them the desire to change their behavior, but we can’t truly control them.”

And I thought that was so wise. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Then the superpower conversation made it surface again. I think it’s something I’ve been thinking about so much because I like control. I like to have order and have my children behave a certain way. And then I believe I have control.

But I don’t, not really.

Then I started thinking about how God parents us. He doesn’t control us, ever. He gives us the freewill to make good and bad choices whenever we want. He doesn’t force us down a certain path or to say yes, dad, even.

He does, however allow good and bad consequences to follow our choices. I know He wants us to listen to Him, but He won’t snap his fingers and force us.

So, why do we turn to Him and listen?

Because of His great love for us. It’s that simple. He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. He loves us more than we can truly comprehend and so our hearts turn to Him in obedience.

Do we show our kids that much love? Or do we quickly want behavior change so we can go on with our day?

Often Dottie will come up to me and say, “I want you.” She wants to be snuggled a bit.

So, every time, regardless of what I’m doing I say, “I want you too” and I pick her up for a few minutes. It’s just one small way I can show her I love her so much. She’s spunky and has her own ideas of how things should go. She’s fiercely independent. But I’m hopeful that my love will help direct that to someday glorify God.

Because, if I’ve learned anything over the last 22 years, it’s that I cannot control these kids! I can just keep redirecting them back to the Lord and His great love for them.