Desired Haven Farm

Crispy, Crunchy, Carrots

Crispy, crunchy carrots. One of our favorite treats right out of the garden. My kids asked all summer long if they could dig a carrot while we worked and I always told them yes! Why not enjoy it fresh and teach them a love of healthy foods. They learned how to carefully dig them up and rinse them. Then you could hear them crunching and chomping all over the garden. Next year we need to at least double our carrots!

Eventually they all come out of the garden and then what? We all want to keep enjoying those carrots.

Well, some get eaten fresh, obviously. I’ve canned and frozen them which is fine. But what happens when in January you get that hankering for a crisp, crunchy carrot? Don’t tell me to go to Aldi and grab some baby carrots. It’s just not the same! Even the organic carrots don’t taste even remotely like the fresh ones from our own land.

Purple Dragon carrots…they have a beautiful purple exterior and bright orange interior.

I’ve discovered over the years that you can preserve them just as they are! I get an inexpensive plastic tote and some inexpensive tube sand and start layering. Sand, carrots, sand, carrots, all the way to the top! Other than digging them straight out of the garden, my kid’s favorite thing to do is dig in the tub of sand and pull out a fresh carrot! Just rinse them off and they’re perfect.

My helper! He loved layering the carrots and was so careful!

Eventually, come February or March they start to get a little soft. Then I pull them all out and freeze or can them to throw them in soups and hot dishes for the rest of winter. Nothing goes to waste!

And next summer, carrot seeds are going into the ground much earlier so hopefully we can enjoy them earlier too!

Someone asked me recently, did you grow up gardening and canning and preserving? Nope. I’ve just decided that each year I’m going to learn something new when it comes to homesteading and becoming self-sufficient. And God has been faithful to put very knowledgeable people, who I can learn, from in my path.

When we moved to this property, one of my top priorities was to give my kids a place to run and be free to be themselves. I still love and cherish that priority. But the Lord laid a new one on my heart since we’ve moved here: to be self sufficient in healthy ways. With as tumultuous as this world is, with food chains being sabotaged, with prices increasing across the board, with unrest, the Lord is still good. And He’s given us this haven that we so desired and has blessed it beyond our wildest dreams. As I lay up food for the winter I can’t help but think of Ma Ingalls and smile. The first settlers did it! And their lives were much more rough without plumbing, electricity, and heat! God is providing for us each and every day in multiple ways, one of which is crispy, crunchy carrots!

First Day of School!

It’s that time of year again. There’s a cool crispness in the morning air, the plants are finishing their jobs, the days are getting shorter, and the sweatshirts have been pulled out of the closet. And, everyone is going back to school. About a month ago I saw dozens and dozens of back-to-school photos from friends, public and homeschool alike. Smiling faces, holding signs and backpacks.

I didn’t post anything at that time because we weren’t starting school. We were deep in garden chores and canning and there was no time for school books. But, I know my kids were learning a lot! Even the two year old can identify numerous plants and bugs. Just yesterday, she pointed out a cricket and one of her brothers tried to tell her it was a grasshopper. She was right, it was a cricket. She’s also very proficient at finding the tomato plants to grab herself a snack.

I decided this year the garden needed to be put to bed before school started. Last year we attempted to do both and it was so stressful. We’ve worked diligently all of September, slowly ripping plants out of the garden and feeding them to the goats, who are bulking up quite nicely for winter off their feast.

Yesterday, we pulled out our next season’s routine and it was great! The kids were ready to start, I was ready to start, and everyone had fun and learned something new. We even added a news subscription called World Watch News this year. It’s a great way to get the news in without all the propaganda, biased opinions, and slants we find these days. And, it’s kid friendly!

First day! Olivia is my teacher’s helper this year! She loves working with the little ones.

Starting school got me thinking about what I do to help me feel successful in our school routine. There’s a few things over the past years that I’ve developed into routine that have helped immensely. I thought I’d share them with you.

First, I almost always find a two to three day stretch to get away with a couple friends to do some uninterrupted planning. I look forward to this time every summer. It’s really hard to squeeze it in with the garden and all the projects we try to accomplish but it’s so important. I’ve had summers where I haven’t been able to go and it really puts stress on me throughout the rest of the season because I have to then squish my planning into tiny segments, an afternoon here, an evening there.

Always make sure you have a pretty planner and lots of colored pens!

This past summer, like usual, four of us went to a friend’s lake cabin. The setting is beautiful, the cabin comfortable, and the company perfect. If you want to plan a planning weekend, please know the people you choose to go with you are so important. You need people who can be quiet for long stretches of time, who can dig into their own planning or projects without your constant advice, people who are comfortable and secure in their own skin so when they see you doing something different from them they don’t freak out. Choose friends who know how to laugh and be silly too, because you need those moments where you go on a field trip to the local dairy and pick out the weirdest cheese you can find and then go back and all try it together, only to find yourself gagging and rolling on the floor laughing because your friend is running for the garbage.

~The only photo I have from our weekend away. We definitely took breaks to play games and have fun~

I try to set aside time the rest of the summer to finish up my planning and ordering as well. Those times are usually short little moments. Most of the time I have to get up early to get it done when the house is still quiet. That was much harder this past summer because of our sweet little baby. I call babies speed bumps. They disrupt the flow of my routine and things are off for a while. And that’s okay! I know it’s a season and I’ll get back to my early mornings eventually.

About a month ago, I did something I haven’t done before and I’ll definitely be doing it again! I felt a nudge from the Lord to plan a half day retreat for homeschool moms. I had been praying about feeling so overwhelmed this last summer and He prompted me to do this. I thought, well that’s strange, Lord. I’m telling you I feel overwhelmed because of all the things I need to do and you’re telling me to add something else to my schedule. Well, okay. I ran it past a good friend and she thought it sounded wonderful so I put it out there. I asked the Lord to bring the ladies He wanted there and He did!

It was so cool, because as I was praying about it and put it out to our homeschool group, I had seven names in mind. Those seven ladies were the ones who responded! It was a reminder from the Lord that He hears and knows and has perfect plans.

It was the most refreshing morning. We had a great time in God’s Word and chatting about homeschooling and motherhood. It was full of encouragement, rejuvenation for the soul, and uplifting stories. I think we all walked away filled up and not just from the yummy lunch! I know I walked away with a changed perspective and the overwhelming feelings had greatly diminished. God is good!

Homeschooling isn’t easy, but neither are other school choices for our kids. I’m so thankful I get to homeschool and I’m so thankful I can do the things that help me feel successful, even if it’s just presetting the coffeepot the night before!

Birthday Blessings

They say when you get older birthdays aren’t as big of a deal and are just another day. I always think anything is what you make it. And I love birthdays!

This year was a special one for me. 44. Most people celebrate 40, 50, 60… but for me this one meant a lot.

Last year when I turned 43 I told Andrew, “if I go a bit crazy this year just bear with me. I’ll try not to but it’s going to be a hard year.”

You see, my mom died just before her 44th birthday, just 11 days before. It was way too young and when I hit 43 I really felt how crazy young she was when she died. I just wanted to make it to my 44th birthday. It was a big goal for me. I know, you can’t really decide how long you get to live; God has our days ordained. But I was going to do what I could to get here. It felt like a big accomplishment to live longer than she had.

She would only be 65 this year which still isn’t very old. I know she’d love all these grandkids and the garden!

I made a big day of celebrating! So big in fact we only took 2 pictures! That made me laugh. They aren’t great pictures either!

A basket I liked while shopping 🤣

First I had to be an adult and pick up my hog from the butcher and get it in the freezer.

I went shopping with a couple besties. We hit up Hobby Lobby and HomeGoods. Then we had Chipotle for lunch – Yum!

My friend blessed me with a great gift and then in the evening the whole family minus my buddy Isaiah were here and had dinner with more gifts and rootbeer floats.

It was truly a great day and I am beyond blessed with family and friends. God may have taken my mom and there will always be a hole in my heart, but He has abundantly filled my life with amazing people. I couldn’t ask for a better husband, kids, daughter-in-law, grandson, and friends!

Thank you, Jesus for another year!

Superpowers!

Lately my three little boys have been intensely interested in super powers. They ask everyday, “if you could have any superpower, which superpower would you want?” And we all have to answer and tell why.

Last night at bedtime they asked me again. I said I think I’d want super speed because I could get lots of things done in a small amount of time. One answered, “I thought you’d want to be able to snap your fingers and the house would be clean.”

“Hmm, I think that would be a pretty good superpower too! I’d take that.”

Then another said, “I thought maybe you’d want to be able to snap your fingers and make everyone listen to you.”

Haha! I thought that was a good one and I laughed, but then I started to think about it more. What that really is, is control. And often as a parent I want control. Control of their behavior, their words and tone, even their thoughts.

But it’s not even realistic and even when we think we have control, we really don’t. We cannot control another person’s behavior, thoughts, or even whether they respect us or not. Often there can be a false facade of control. It can look like we’ve achieved control and, maybe, for a little while we might even actually have control of our kids. But it isn’t lasting or healthy.

I’ve been pondering this for some time. In fact, since a friend pointed it out a few months ago. We were talking about a difficult situation she had been in with another family. They were allowing their child to hurt her child and she had told them finally that they couldn’t spend time together anymore unless it stopped.

I said something to the effect of “why can’t they control their child?”

And she said something that really caused me to think.

“Well, no one can truly control their children. We can cause there to be something unpleasant when they act in a certain way and hope that gives them the desire to change their behavior, but we can’t truly control them.”

And I thought that was so wise. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Then the superpower conversation made it surface again. I think it’s something I’ve been thinking about so much because I like control. I like to have order and have my children behave a certain way. And then I believe I have control.

But I don’t, not really.

Then I started thinking about how God parents us. He doesn’t control us, ever. He gives us the freewill to make good and bad choices whenever we want. He doesn’t force us down a certain path or to say yes, dad, even.

He does, however allow good and bad consequences to follow our choices. I know He wants us to listen to Him, but He won’t snap his fingers and force us.

So, why do we turn to Him and listen?

Because of His great love for us. It’s that simple. He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. He loves us more than we can truly comprehend and so our hearts turn to Him in obedience.

Do we show our kids that much love? Or do we quickly want behavior change so we can go on with our day?

Often Dottie will come up to me and say, “I want you.” She wants to be snuggled a bit.

So, every time, regardless of what I’m doing I say, “I want you too” and I pick her up for a few minutes. It’s just one small way I can show her I love her so much. She’s spunky and has her own ideas of how things should go. She’s fiercely independent. But I’m hopeful that my love will help direct that to someday glorify God.

Because, if I’ve learned anything over the last 22 years, it’s that I cannot control these kids! I can just keep redirecting them back to the Lord and His great love for them.

25!

“Well, hon, we made it.”

“Yep! We did it!”

This was our conversation yesterday morning concerning our anniversary. We made it to 25 years! It seems like a huge milestone, and one we’re proud of. There were those who didn’t think we’d make it since we got married so young. But, here we are. And we still love each other, probably more now than 25 years ago.

We obviously aren’t very good at celebrating though. We laid mulch around our garden to push back weeds, we tended to the kids. Andrew ended up with a massive headache from the sun and took a nap while I went swimming with the kids. Then a storm with hail blew through! Thankfully our garden was spared!

I’d say the day ended better than it began though. We got to bless some dear friends by bringing two of their kids to the hospital to visit their sister, went to dinner at a really yummy restaurant and came home to crash in bed. Don’t worry, we plan on having a big party in the fall when the garden is finished!

As I thought about our day, I was partly saddened that we hadn’t done a better job planning something fun and exciting. But I was reminded how precious and amazing our relationship is and that one day of celebrating is not as important as daily celebrations.

Here’s a couple stories that give a peek into that.

About two months ago, I was scheduled to get a haircut with my daughter, Olivia. A few days before the haircuts, Olivia said, “I can’t wait to get my hair chopped off!”

I replied, “Me too!”

Andrew groaned.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, I like you hair long,” he smiled. We’ve had this conversation for the last 25 years.

“I’ll make you a deal. You get rid of half your t-shirts and I’ll grow my hair out.” We’ve also had this conversation for the last 25 years. He has more t-shirts in his drawers than anyone I know! I also knew this was a sure fire way to not have to grow my hair out.

The night before my haircut Andrew came home from work and went upstairs to change, as he always does. But then I noticed he was gone an awfully long time. Probably 20 minutes went by before he came down the stairs. By now, you’ve guessed it. He had a huge mound of shirts he was bringing down. I mean huge!

I just started laughing and laughing! The kids and Steph were like, what? What in the world is so funny?!

Andrew was grinning from ear to ear and I couldn’t stop laughing.

“That’s all it took?!” I asked between chuckles.

“That’s all it took?! He replied. We still laugh at it and, well, my hair is getting longer and longer. HAHAHA!

Two nights ago, Andrew came onto the porch and said he had a gift for me for our anniversary. The kids had all followed him and he had his goofy grin on his face. I knew something was up.

He said, “I know we said we wanted to go to Hawaii for our anniversary, but since we can’t this year, I got you this.”

I opened the bag and there was the Hawaii expansion of Catan!

I busted out laughing! We had planned to go to Hawaii for our 15 year anniversary but then we had Madelyn and Evelyn. So we said, ok, for our 20th. Then we had David. Ok, but for real this time – for our 25th. Then this year we had Eloise.

“Thank you, but this is a really lame exchange for a trip to Hawaii,” I laughed.

“But it’s in second place?” Andrew smirked.

“A distant second,” I replied. We laughed and laughed.

Something I’m slowly learning in this 25th year with the great man is to laugh. I have always been the serious parent and the serious partner. He loves to goof around and tell horrible jokes. And usually I roll my eyes and maybe chuckle a bit but really I suppress my laugh. I guess I think I better stay serious so we get things done or order remains or something. I don’t even know!

But lately I’ve just decided to let it go and laugh with him.

Like Sunday morning when I was sitting at the dining table and called Andrew in from the kitchen.

“So, August 26th is a Saturday,” I started.

“Ok, sounds good,” Andrew replied as he turned and walked back in the kitchen. He started laughing so hard he could hardly breathe. And you know what? It was funny. So I started to laugh too and we had a great belly laugh session together.

I wish I’d learned this sooner in our marriage, but I’ll give it all I’ve got now. I’m going to enjoy these silly moments with this wonderful man, because it’s a really easy way to show him how much I love him and how thankful I am to God for bringing us together and keeping us together all these years.

Aww, look at those kids!

Diligence Pays Off

I’m out in the garden today, working hard at keeping plants thriving. What does that look like? Well, for the potatoes it means checking every other day for potato bugs. I squat or kneel next to each plant and carefully check the leaves for bugs, picking them off and dropping them in soapy water when I find them. Then I check the underside of the leaves for eggs and pick those leaves off. Is this fun? Do I love doing it so much and that’s why I’m out there every other day?

Absolutely not! For one, I despise bugs, be they friend or foe. They’re just gross to me. And potato bugs are exceptionally gross to me. They come in all sizes from teeny tiny to downright disturbing. And they’re ugly and squishy. Believe me, gloves are necessary.

So, then, why do it?

If I don’t, I know what the consequences will be. I can’t possibly catch all the bugs and eggs in one shot! The complete loss of all my potatoes. Maybe you’re saying, who cares, just buy some potatoes at the store!

If you’ve ever had fresh garden potatoes, you know. Store potatoes honestly taste awful in comparison.

Being diligent in the garden reaps great rewards. There’s no way I could just go pick potato bugs once and expect a great return on my efforts. There’s no way I could just choose to turn a blind eye and expect a harvest that will last all winter. I’d get nothing. And the potato bugs would get everything.

It’s the same when it comes to our children.

We can’t correct our children once and expect a great return. If we wait until the behavior is annoying us and react, we’re not going to see good results and if we turn a blind eye we certainly won’t reap a great harvest. Being diligent with correction and training takes daily effort and time. It takes going into the garden of our child’s heart and lovingly and repeatedly picking out the bugs of sin. If we pick it out once and think we’re done, we’re bound to miss some and allow our child’s heart to be overrun by sin.

Turning a blind eye can look like a couple of things. It can be that we make excuses for our child’s behavior and sin. “Oh, he’s just tired today, that’s why he’s acting this way.” “My kid is really a good kid, this isn’t the way he normally acts.” “She does a lot of good things and is usually a great kid so I don’t have to worry.” It can be that we compare and look at how other kids act and think, well my kid isn’t that bad at least. And it can be that we just don’t see the behavior as sin that’s rooted in their heart.

So, how do we overcome this? Diligence.

I have to choose to enter that garden daily. I have to make time for my kids and believe that they are my priority. My house, my garden, our activities, church, all those things have to take a back seat to my children. They are my most important work each day. It means I have to set my phone down too and pay attention. It means I have to be present with my kids. And it means I have to take responsibility everyday for their hearts and minds.

I can’t just do it once. I can’t just do it once a week. It needs to be repeated and consistent.

I need to be diligent.

Not only do I need to be diligent, I need to be in prayer. But that’s a story for another day.

Welcome!

Have you ever found yourself in a brand new role and been a bit scared? Maybe there are a lot of unknowns and no how-to manual. You love the role so much and are so terrified you’re going to royally mess it up?

It’s where I find myself this week.

I remember becoming a mama almost 22 years ago and feeling this same feeling. I loved being mom but had no idea what I was doing! And I was so scared I’d mess it up. Looking back, I did mess it up, a lot. But God’s grace was always sufficient.

I have to remind myself that today God’s grace is still sufficient. He’s still right here and I can ask for His wisdom and guidance and He’s faithful to give them.

I’m so excited to be called Oma this week! And also a bit terrified! I have no idea how to walk out this role.

Sweet little John Henry was added to the family a week ago and he’s stolen all our hearts!

When I first held him I was so overwhelmed with it all I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I had to go home and process it all for a while. I realized I was feeling fear. I think because I just don’t know how to be an Oma and I don’t want to mess it up.

I’ve been a mama so long and been in charge of my kid’s days, routine, food, everything that I’m not sure how to transition. I’ll probably mess it up a time or two. (Samuel and Liv, you can tell me when I do!)

It’s made me think of my grandma, who passed away a year ago. At her funeral I shared how no matter who came through her door, she just loved. She hugged and smiled. She fed us and spent time with us. I keep thinking of how loved I always felt with her and I guess there’s my answer.

Just love the little guy. Snuggle and hug and spend time with him.

The kids, of course, do this so naturally. They’re so good at modeling how to love well for me! And they are so thrilled to be called Auntie and Uncle!

Welcome to the world and to our family, John Henry! We love you so much and thank God for you everyday!

Independence Day

Independence Day. What does it mean? Do we just think of BBQ and fireworks? A day off from work? A project day around the house?

Or do we think about why we have this day off? Do we stop and ponder why there are fireworks?

Having a son in the Marines has caused me to stop and ponder way more often about these holidays over the past year than ever before. They hit my heart differently now. Maybe because it’s become more personal and I’ve got a piece of my heart invested in it now.

My seven year old got all dressed up in his military costume today. Why? Not necessarily because it’s the 4th of July. But because he’s got a military brother. And, you know what he said?

“I’m getting all dressed up because Isaiah is coming home today.”

My heart broke a bit when he said that because I had to disappoint him by telling him Isaiah wouldn’t be home today.

I snapped this photo and sent it to Isaiah and told him the story. He was sad too. But here’s the thing.

Though my heart hurts and my tears leak, I’m at peace with where Isaiah is at because I know he is where God wants him. I also know not everyone can do the job of protecting our country. And I’m thankful God puts that drive and desire in the hearts of amazing men and women.

Whatever your beliefs about all the things going on in our country and around the world, be thankful you get to hold those beliefs. Be thankful we are free to disagree and see things differently. Be thankful there are brave men and women willing to fight for your right to disagree.

Stop for a moment and ponder Independence Day. Over 250 years ago, men were willing to lay down their lives for your freedom. They weren’t just thinking about their own freedom, but about the generations to come after them and what freedom should look like for all. Were they perfect men? No. And none of us are today. But their fight was valid and still affects us today. And for that we can be thankful.

I’m so thankful for my son, Isaiah, and all those serving. I’m so proud of them all. They deserve our respect and support. Whether you agree or disagree with war, we’ve always needed protection and there are those few who are willing to lay down their lives for our freedom.

There’s only one other willing to sacrifice his life for us, to give us freedom. And he was and is perfect. And his sacrifice was perfect and enough for all of us to experience eternal freedom. Do you know him? He is Jesus.

Jesus laid down his life for you and me, to cover and wash our sins away so we could have freedom from death. He wants you to enjoy that freedom. All you need to do is accept it.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
Galatians 5:13 ESV

Our soldiers serve you, Jesus serves you. Accept it, be thankful for it, and praise Jesus for it. Thank you, Isaiah. Thank you, Jesus!

Happy Independence Day!

Those First Few Weeks

Sweet Eloise is over two months old already. It’s such a strange paradox when I think about how long two months felt while waiting for her and how fast these two months have gone. It’s really unexplainable other than it truly is a mind game when you’re in the waiting.

After Eloise was born, since she is my twelfth child, I figured everything would be fairly easy and uncomplicated. I mean, I’ve done this before, right? I’ve nursed eleven other babies, I’ve recovered from nine other births, one of which was extremely trying. But, I had to be reminded, Eloise hadn’t done any of it before. She was brand new at everything in life.

I thought nursing started out well, but it became apparent very quickly, that she wasn’t latching well. My midwife, Amber was amazing at trying to help and she quickly suggested we bring in some experts. We ended up with a whole team of people trying to help Eloise nurse properly. Amber, a chiropractor, a craniosacral therapist, and a lactation consultant. They were all amazing and so helpful, but Eloise still just wasn’t doing great. And I was doing horribly. I was in so much pain and cried so many tears those first few weeks and was really not in a good place emotionally.

We ended up having a tongue tie revision done and though I hated to put my little baby through that, I’m so thankful we did. She was five weeks old when we had that done and the dentist said it would take about two weeks for her to develop better nursing habits.

One morning I was nursing Eloise and it suddenly occurred to me that she was seven weeks old and I was nursing without pain! We were finally past it! I texted my two closest friends and told them and they rejoiced with me as they’d been walking alongside me on that bumpy road.

God was teaching me during those seven weeks, of course. I remember so many times, lying in bed, crying out to Him for healing and being angry and saddened that He wasn’t answering me. I kept saying, you can take this right now, Lord, why aren’t you? I felt He was so silent for so long.

Truth be told, I didn’t want to be taught anything. I just wanted what I wanted. I realized that in one of my pity parties during that time. And in that moment, I saw the selfishness in my heart that I so often call out in my kids. I had to repent of that selfishness and submit to God’s plan. Not easy to do!

Mamas, I want you to be encouraged in this too. During those weeks, I kept taking care of Eloise, nursing through the pain and tears, cuddling her, tending to her needs. I kept taking care of my family as much as I could and taking help from others. I did the things that needed to be done. Because that’s what we do as mamas. But I didn’t enjoy any of it. I didn’t want to do any of it. And I struggled a lot with my attitude. I was cranky and snapped too often at my kids. I was short and rude to Andrew way too many times. Let’s just say I’ve had to do a lot of repenting recently!

Just in the past two weeks I’ve finally felt true love for Eloise. That heart-bursting, overwhelming love that washes over you when you look at your kids. I tell you this, mamas, to encourage you to keep going, keep doing the loving actions, keep walking that path God put you on, keep trusting Him, and that love will come. It’ll become more natural and suddenly, you’ll realize it’s real. I loved her from the moment I knew I was expecting her, don’t get me wrong. But through those hard weeks, I had to just go through the motions. My heart was hard because of what I was dealing with (not necessarily great, but it’s true) and I didn’t feel a whole lot of love for anyone.

When it hit me recently that I really, truly love her with all my life, I cried. I didn’t even totally realize it was missing until it was there. And it made me sad that it hadn’t been felt by me. It also made me overjoyed that I had gotten there. I had made it through that suffering to the other side.

Looking back, I can so clearly see that in every moment, in every minute aspect of that suffering God was an ever-present help. A friend would text or stop over to pray with me. A friend would bring me a bar of chocolate and a hug. My hubby would lay next to Eloise and I and just hug me. My kids would peek in my room and just say Hi Mom, can I give you a hug? His Spirit would wash over me and comfort me while I was crying. Andrew would walk in when I was having a sob fest, kneel by my bed and talk to me.

And God blessed me so abundantly with an amazing baby. She’s so sweet and happy. She sleeps through the night and takes great naps. He’s blessed me with awesome kids who took care of each other and the house when I was down. He’s blessed me with a husband who takes my rudeness and responds with kindness. God also blessed me with lessons I wouldn’t have learned without that trial – how dependent I truly am on Him, how selfish and ugly my heart is without Him, how I need His help everyday to be a godly mama. I don’t deserve God’s mercy and goodness, but I’ll accept it.

I’m not trying to diminish other’s experiences or suffering. I know many friends who are walking a darker, bumpier, and much longer road than mine. Awful divorce, long term illness, chronic illness, numerous losses, life is just hard. Take heart, my friends. God IS with you. If you look at the circumstances, you’ll despair. But if you look at the cross, you’ll overcome!

Refuge and Fortress

When my son Isaiah was about 2 years old we had a little inflatable pool in the back yard. It was about 18″ deep and the boys were playing in it. They were running around in the water, laughing and splashing. Andrew was on one side of the little pool and I was on the other. We were paying attention to the boys but also talking to friends.

I heard a louder than usual splash and looked over to see Isaiah go under. He was on the opposite side of the pool from me so I hollered, “Andrew! Grab him!” He turned quickly and saw Isaiah. We both saw him floating between the bottom of the pool and the surface of the water. It was so eerie and was really only seconds but felt like minutes. Andrew reached in and grabbed Isaiah and lifted him into his arms.

Isaiah sputtered and cried but was fine.

I thought about this story recently because it’s a bit how I’ve felt these last few weeks. Kind of like I’ve been floating between the bottom and the surface.

Having a baby is so wonderful and amazing and also the hardest thing a woman will ever do. I don’t think our society gives enough attention to this fact. Most women I’ve talked to have this expectation that they need to just get back up and get back to life quickly. Many women go back to work 6 to 12 weeks after giving birth. Many are making meals and doing laundry a few days after birth.

What are we doing to ourselves?

Did you know you have a giant wound in your body after having a baby? If that giant wound were on the outside, a doctor, friends, everyone would tell you to rest and let it heal. But I think because it’s unseen it’s not given attention. And its not just a physical toll on your body. The mental and emotional strain is very real and also not talked about enough.

The last week as I’ve talked to other mamas I’ve heard the same story multiple times and it’s made me feel not alone. “I had more sad days after that baby than any other”. “I had horrible post partum depression”. “I cried a lot after that baby”.

I faced severe postpartum after both sets of twins so I’m familiar with it. It’s not a fun place to be and you can feel so alone. This time around I definitely had more sad and hard days than with some of my other babies, but not to the extent I had with the sets of twins.

But what I want you to hear, mama, is it’s ok. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to think it’s too hard. It’s ok to feel like you are failing. Just don’t sit in it alone. Reach out. Almost every mama I’ve ever met has experienced these emotions to some degree in the year or two following a baby. We all get it. Don’t think you are alone or another mama won’t understand. We get it. We really do!

I said to my husband a few weeks ago, I just don’t feel like myself. He said, “I know. I can tell. And it’s ok. You just had a baby and it was hard. I’m here for you and praying for you and I’ll take any of the burden that I can. Just tell me.”

Just saying it out loud made it lose its power over me. Just voicing it made my mind clear some and hearing that i wasn’t alone lifted my spirit. I want you to hear these words too.

You’re not alone.

I am here for you.

I’ll pray for you and lift whatever burden I can for you.

Lastly, I want you to hear this above everything else. Mama, get into the Word of God. Everyday.

Please don’t tell me you’re too busy. I know busy. I’m so busy I work in my sleep! The busier you are, the more you need God. Get into His Word.

I’m memorizing Psalm 91 this summer. Join me! I’d love to challenge each other to get His Word into our hearts. If you see me, ask me how it’s going!

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge— no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
Psalm 91:1‭-‬16 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.91.1-16.ESV

Read those words, Mama. He’s speaking them to you. Who needs his refuge and shelter? We do. Mamas have the hardest job on the planet. But with God, we can be victorious and see the enemies trampled. One of those enemies is these feelings of hopelessness, failure, depression, sadness.

He is my refuge and my fortress. He has lifted me from floating slightly submerged to the surface. He can do the same for you.