I’m not generally an overly emotional person. I’m fairly logical and can see long term so I don’t often get wrapped up in the moment of a bad day.

But I feel like I’ve been going through weeks of heart ripping. I’m weary. If you see me and ask me how I am, I’ll tell you I’m good. And I am. I know where my peace and joy come from. I know my Savior is with me. I know God’s got this. But it’s heavy. Lots of relationship changes, the world seems heavy, and tomorrow is my mom’s 64th birthday and I haven’t celebrated a birthday with her for 20 years now.

Today, I was at the gas station, on empty. I swiped my card and started pumping. Then I looked at my phone and, no joke, a friend had just texted, ‘gas jumped 20 cents!’ I looked up at the sign and sure enough, the price was considerably higher. The pump clicked off, letting me know Bertha was full. As I pulled the pump and hung it up, I looked at the price. $85! For a tank that will last less than a week.

And, I just broke down. I couldn’t help it. It was the final chink in the dam that’s been cracking slowly over the last few weeks. Tears flowed freely as I got back in Bertha and pulled out of the station. As I turned onto the highway, this song by Jordan St Cyr started that I’d never heard before.

“Weary Traveler”

Weary traveler
Beat down from the storms that you have weathered
Feels like this road just might go on forever
Carry on

You keep on givin’
But everyday this world just keeps on takin’
Your tired heart is on the edge of breaking
Carry on

Weary traveller, restless soul
You were never meant to walk this road alone
It’ll all be worth it so just hold on
Weary traveler, you won’t be weary long

No more searching
Heaven’s healing’s gonna find where all the hurt is
When Jesus calls we’ll lay down all our heavy burdens
Carry on

Weary traveller, restless soul
You were never meant to walk this road alone
It’ll all be worth it so just hold on
Weary traveler, you won’t be weary long…

Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Someday soon we’re gonna make it home
Gonna make it home

Weary traveller, restless soul
You were never meant to walk this road alone
It’ll all be worth it so just hold on
Weary traveler, you won’t be weary long
Weary traveler, you won’t be weary long
Weary traveler, you won’t be weary long

And then I cried harder.

Have you ever had those moments where God presses in so tangibly? Have you ever had him whisper to you, “I love you”?

I don’t know if I can say I hope you do experience it, because it almost always happens in the midst of hurting, but at the same time it’s so good and sweet and healing. To know that He sees me, He sees my hurt, He sees the healing at the end is so so good.

I read this devotional to my kids today. I highly recommend it if you have kids. It’s called Indescribable by Louie Giglio. Today it talked about the Pleiades. Did you know we see 6 to 7 of the stars in Pleiades but there are about 3,000 stars in that cluster? And God can palm Pleiades. He can palm the whole universe.

“God, who is powerful enough to hold the whole universe, also holds you in His hands. And He loves you so much that nothing – no problem, no worry, no bully, no bad day – can ever snatch you out of His hand (John 10:28). Oh, the devil will try. He’ll throw all kinds of yucky stuff at you, and he’ll tempt you to do things you know you shouldn’t do. But God is bigger and stronger, and the devil is no match for Him.” (excerpt from Indescribable, pg 90)

It’s been a hard day. And as the wind howls outside, whipping icy cold air around, I’ll stay inside my home where safety, joy, and peace reign. The world can be ugly, cold, and harsh. I will choose gratefulness in this midst of this storm and tomorrow His mercies, which were abundant today, will be new!

I’m grateful for His Word that always sinks deep into my heart and soul, for friends I can turn to who hug me and pray for me, for God’s intervention through a song, and for a family full of laughter, love, and perfect chaos who make me smile and love me unconditionally.

Maybe you needed to hear these words today too. Maybe the storms are swirling. Maybe the hurts are building in your heart. I want you to hear these words from your good good Father. “I love you. I see you. I know you. And I’m bringing healing.”