I can’t remember a time in my life where I’ve felt like I’ve been in a constant battle day in and day out like right now. It’s so exhausting…and daunting…and difficult. And as soon as I let my guard down, thinking the battle is over, I get side swiped again.
I’m a visual person so I often turn things in my life into visuals in my mind. Often, lately, I picture a fierce knight, laden with armor and a sharp sword, standing in the lashing rain, knee deep in mud. On his face he wears the expression of perseverance, diligence, courage, and fatigue. It looks hopeless around him as the enemy closes in, but he doesn’t give up. He never gives up. Behind him in the clouds, there’s a break, albeit a small one. It’s there though. The sun is piercing through the clouds to rest on the knights shoulder and glint off his metal armor.
That’s me right now. It might seem hopeless. But there is always hope. That small ray of sun, is The Son. The one and only, always moving in to help, always standing alongside me in battle, always willing to fight the battle for me. If I would just let Him…
I tend to try to take things in my own hands. I am independent. I like control of every situation. I like to think I can handle it on my own. Enter another image I employ quite often.
I’m kneeling before the cross. A rugged, rough cut, cross. It stands tall before me. As I kneel there I think of all Jesus sacrificed for me. He sat on high with His Father and had it all. He left that for me. He suffered an unimaginable torture and death. He did that for me. He was put in a grave and endured hell for three days. He paid that for me. And thank the Lord, He rose again, removing that punishment from me forever! As I think of all that, I take a heavy pack off my shoulders. It’s been weighing me down, burdening me, leaving me weary and grumpy. It’s taken the fight right out of me. I remove that heavy burden and lay it at the foot of the cross.
When I picture this, I can actually feel the burden lifted off my shoulders. I feel lighter, like I can breathe easier.
My fault is this… I always seem to go back and pick it up again. I think for a while that Jesus can take care of it for me but then without even realizing it, I have that pack on my back again, trying to lug that load myself. What can I say? I’m a slow learner.
The battle that has been before me is one that’s common, I think, to any mom. We realize and see there’s a war for our children’s very souls. It’s a very real war with fierce battles between goodness and evil, purity and immorality, light and dark. There’s a child in my home for whom this battle is raging. Long ago, the Lord told me this child was going to be a force for His kingdom, so naturally, Satan wants said child.
The battle is and has been fierce, long, drawn out, and tiring. It’s especially tiring when I try to fight it alone. Or, worse, said child tries to go it alone. When I turn it over to the Lord, it doesn’t seem hopeless. It doesn’t seem to exhausting. When I let Him take the lead and PRAY PRAY PRAY, suddenly the light pierces the darkness and the enemy starts to tremble. There are break throughs and steps towards His kingdom and away from the darkness. This world and its dark ruler are powerful and we should never underestimate them.
But God! God is so much more powerful. He is victorious in these battles! I need to learn to let Him fight. He has way more experience, power and knowledge of the enemy than I do. I can trust Him to carry this burden. I can trust Him to win the day, month, year. I can trust Him to protect and turn my children’s hearts back to Him.
I can’t say it’s easy to do…take it from someone who wants to do it all herself! But, it is worth it. Let’s commit to lift our children to the One who made them and knows everything about them and loves them well.
I just reread this. It had been sitting in my draft folder for that few days. When I wrote this I had no idea the battle that was about to rage. I think the Lord gave me these words to write, knowing I’d need to hear them myself this week. The battle for my child rages on, but I see God’s hand at work each day, saving, healing, turning hearts, mending souls.
I can’t share details, but know that your prayers are coveted for our family. We need His armor, His army, His victory! And, for all you mamas who’s hearts hurt for your children and their struggles, I feel you. I am standing with you in prayer for our children. Let’s tell the devil, “No more! You can’t have our children!”