Precious Time

Three weeks. My son gets married the weeks from today.

That really hit me yesterday. Hard.

I’ve been blessed to have him in my house for almost 21 years and watched him grow into an amazing man with a compassionate heart, gentle spirit, and sweet disposition. He has a great sense of humor and is so smart, especially when it comes to tearing things apart and fixing them.

He’s a man of few words, especially when there’s a crowd. But early in the morning, when the sun is just peeking through my kitchen window and the house is quiet, he talks. Usually it’s just he and I in the kitchen getting ready for the day. I’ll ask him what he has going on at school or what plans are taking shape for the wedding. It doesn’t matter so much what we talk about, just that we connect.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t want to talk to anyone or really see anyone early in the morning. I actually like that my hubby is gone early because he loves to talk right away! I like my quiet in the mornings. I know what’s coming… noise, questions, screaming from the the year old, chores, meals, running errands. It’s all good and I love my life, but being an introvert in a house of 13 people, I need a little quiet in my day.

But these mornings with just Samuel have become so precious to me. Maybe because I know they are limited and then his sweet bride gets these mornings. I’m more than happy to give him up to her; she’s amazing. It’s just a huge change and it’s hard.

But I think an even greater reason I’ve been cherubim these mornings, is that I am learning slowly but surely that my relationship with my kids is paramount. It’s more important than anything else I work on with my kids.

When Samuel and Isaiah were little my relationship with them wasn’t foremost for me. My to-do list was. Getting school checked off was. Making sure they obeyed was. And I hurt our relationship because of that.

Thanks be to God that He worked on my heart and restored our relationship despite my best efforts to damage it! I haven’t arrived yet but I’m learning and eager to do better with my younger kids.

I always tell Samuel and Isaiah that I messed up more with them than I ever will with the subsequent kids. We laugh about it but it’s probably true and I’ve asked their forgiveness for many things. But I can look back and see that it’s ok that I messed up because God is bigger than all my mess ups! He has taught and led Samuel all these years to right here.

I’m so proud of him and so thankful for his wonderful bride. I’m praising God in the midst of all the swirl of emotions that they have each other and that Samuel is the amazing man God wants him to be. I’ll cherish my last few precious mornings.

Yesterday morning I told Samuel with tears, “I’m going to miss these mornings with you.”

“I’m still going to be around, mom,” was his reply.

“I know, but it won’t be the same.”

“Yeah, I know, but I’m not going very far.”

Three weeks.