Tag: God’s love

Jonah Michael

Trusting in God often feels like taffy being stretched and pulled. You feel like you might break but it’s stretched just far enough that you change and bend. Then there’s rest to process and adjust.

Stretched but never broken. That’s how I feel.

This last week has been one of those stretching weeks. One of those times in my life where I’ve been stretched far beyond what I thought capable. If you believe the idiom “God never gives you more than you can handle”, just know it’s not true. He definitely allows things in your life that go beyond your capacity, reasoning, wisdom, and strength.

The amazing thing is that in those times, God also carries you and shows you His glory, His strength, and His faithfulness.

Not many people know this, but we were expecting our 13th baby this fall. There was a .03% chance that’d we’d get pregnant again. I won’t share how I know this percentage, just trust me that I know. We were very shocked and were dealing with a lot of emotions surrounding being pregnant again. It’s not like we are getting younger! And we have two grandbabies! Andrew is coming up on 50 next spring!

We were busy processing all the emotions of it and just coming to the point where we were starting to feel excited. Then, the bleeding started.

Over this past week, over the very day my mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer 24 years ago, we lost our sweet baby. We’ve never, in all our pregnancies had to walk this road. And I’ve always been grateful to God for that. It had always felt like something I wouldn’t be able to handle. Yet, here we are. And we’re being so sustained by God.

So many people brought us beautiful flowers that have cheered my soul!

He has walked us through each and every moment. We’ve felt lifted up and held by prayers. We’ve heard of people we don’t even know who have prayed for us. People are bringing meals and flowers, giving hugs and a listening ear. It’s one of those times in life where God is made tangibly known.

Weeks ago, when we had just found out, we had the very strong intuition that we were having a boy. We had no names picked out at all and nothing coming to mind.

One day, I was driving and praying about it all. I asked the Lord, “is there a name you want for this baby?” Right away Jonah came to mind. My very next thought was, Andrew won’t like that name.

About a week went by and Andrew and I were in the kitchen making dinner. He said, “You know, I had a boy’s name come to mind the other day but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Oh, yeah, well what is it?” I asked.

“Jonah.”

I laughed and shouted, “NO way! I had that very name come to mind a few days ago and thought you wouldn’t like it.”

We knew at that moment God had named our child.

Having to say goodbye to your child too early is not an easy road to walk. There is so much sorrow even though we never got to meet this little guy. He is a part of our family forever, even though he won’t grow up with his siblings. And there’s so much grief in our house with everyone grieving a different way and at different times.

But there’s so much good too. Knowing that Jonah went straight from the safety of the womb to the safety of Jesus’ arms is a blessing none can deny. He’ll never have to know the difficulties of this world.

Seeing our children love a baby from the moment they heard about him is amazing. Not one of them questioned adding another sibling. They just jumped up and down, excited to welcome him. And they cried when they heard he went to heaven early. Having our kids know beyond the shadow of a doubt that babies are a blessing and a gift is an immeasurable blessing.

Feeling God’s love wrap around us as we go through this has strengthened our faith and trust in Him. He’s always here, never leaves or forsakes us, and always carries us through. I’ve felt Him nearer than I have in a long time and have been so comforted by Him. He is so so good, all the time.

Jonah means ‘God’s sovereignty’. God showed us through this that He is on His throne with might and strength for us in dark days. He is a fortress and a refuge we can run into and be safe.

We gave Jonah the middle name Michael, which means ‘Who is like God?’. God displayed His power in protecting me as I miscarried. God showed His glory in so many ways, including how He gave us Jonah’s name. God showed His immeasurable and all powerful love through those who have ministered to us. There is truly no one like God.

Though we are still grieving and will for awhile, I wanted to share this with you all while it’s fresh in my mind. I want you all to be reminded that God is good. He loves you so much and cares about the tiniest details of your life. He is there in sorrow, He is there in joy.

I don’t know how we’d make it through something like this without God. If you are walking without God as a close companion, I want to encourage you right now to pray, ask Him to come into your life and show you His sovereignty and glory. Ask him to prove to you the answer to “Who is like God?”

You’ll find there’s no one like him.

Vacation

It’s been a whole year since Andrew was let go from his job. And six months since he started his new one. What a rollercoaster it’s all been but something happened this week that really just reminded us that God cares for us, deeply.

We went away to our cabin up in the deep woods, way up north. So far you lose cell service. There’s no running water or electricity. No TV. Just wonderful, beautiful nature. This was our first vacation since Andrew started his new job.

In the past, when we took a few days to get away, he never really got away from his job. If we had cell service, there were phone calls and texts and emails constantly. When he got back, there was always a heap on his desk, orders waiting to be processed, contractors waiting for things, customers angry about something.

Every time we’d start the drive home from vacation I could see the stress settle back on his shoulders. I knew he was thinking ahead to what he have to deal with at work. It was more work to go on vacation than to just stay there.

Getting away and just being present with each other is so important and so refreshing. Even though it was always hard for him to actually get away, I forced it because it was needed.

This time around, when he was at work the day before we left, the director said “go on, get out of here. And don’t even think about it while you’re gone.” That in itself was such a change.

When we were driving home I could tell the stress was settling on Andrew as he drove and I knew he was anticipating what he’d dealt with before.

But he was pleasantly surprised when he got back to work and his desk was empty! Everything was still running smoothly, there was no chaos or emergencies. He just stepped back in and the wheels kept turning.

Sometimes when we get dealt something difficult and scary, we feel as though nothing good could possibly come from it. We feel abandoned and confused and even terrified. I remember well how scared I felt when Andrew lost his job.

And yet, God.

He loves us so much and cares for us so deeply we can’t even fathom it. He orchestrates things we couldn’t even dream of. And He does it for our good.

We knew Andrew needed a different position, but had no idea what or where or how. We felt stuck.

It wasn’t the way we would have done it, but it was the best way. Of course it was.

Often, once we’re through something hard and on the other side, we can look back and see God’s hand on every moment and part. And we can say, “oh I get it now. I see what you were doing, God. Thank you.”

We’re so so thankful for this path God has chosen. It’s been a breath of fresh air to our lives in so many ways. 

Today, we’re grateful yet again for God’s love and goodness in our lives.