Tag: God’s faithfulness

Jonah Michael

Trusting in God often feels like taffy being stretched and pulled. You feel like you might break but it’s stretched just far enough that you change and bend. Then there’s rest to process and adjust.

Stretched but never broken. That’s how I feel.

This last week has been one of those stretching weeks. One of those times in my life where I’ve been stretched far beyond what I thought capable. If you believe the idiom “God never gives you more than you can handle”, just know it’s not true. He definitely allows things in your life that go beyond your capacity, reasoning, wisdom, and strength.

The amazing thing is that in those times, God also carries you and shows you His glory, His strength, and His faithfulness.

Not many people know this, but we were expecting our 13th baby this fall. There was a .03% chance that’d we’d get pregnant again. I won’t share how I know this percentage, just trust me that I know. We were very shocked and were dealing with a lot of emotions surrounding being pregnant again. It’s not like we are getting younger! And we have two grandbabies! Andrew is coming up on 50 next spring!

We were busy processing all the emotions of it and just coming to the point where we were starting to feel excited. Then, the bleeding started.

Over this past week, over the very day my mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer 24 years ago, we lost our sweet baby. We’ve never, in all our pregnancies had to walk this road. And I’ve always been grateful to God for that. It had always felt like something I wouldn’t be able to handle. Yet, here we are. And we’re being so sustained by God.

So many people brought us beautiful flowers that have cheered my soul!

He has walked us through each and every moment. We’ve felt lifted up and held by prayers. We’ve heard of people we don’t even know who have prayed for us. People are bringing meals and flowers, giving hugs and a listening ear. It’s one of those times in life where God is made tangibly known.

Weeks ago, when we had just found out, we had the very strong intuition that we were having a boy. We had no names picked out at all and nothing coming to mind.

One day, I was driving and praying about it all. I asked the Lord, “is there a name you want for this baby?” Right away Jonah came to mind. My very next thought was, Andrew won’t like that name.

About a week went by and Andrew and I were in the kitchen making dinner. He said, “You know, I had a boy’s name come to mind the other day but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Oh, yeah, well what is it?” I asked.

“Jonah.”

I laughed and shouted, “NO way! I had that very name come to mind a few days ago and thought you wouldn’t like it.”

We knew at that moment God had named our child.

Having to say goodbye to your child too early is not an easy road to walk. There is so much sorrow even though we never got to meet this little guy. He is a part of our family forever, even though he won’t grow up with his siblings. And there’s so much grief in our house with everyone grieving a different way and at different times.

But there’s so much good too. Knowing that Jonah went straight from the safety of the womb to the safety of Jesus’ arms is a blessing none can deny. He’ll never have to know the difficulties of this world.

Seeing our children love a baby from the moment they heard about him is amazing. Not one of them questioned adding another sibling. They just jumped up and down, excited to welcome him. And they cried when they heard he went to heaven early. Having our kids know beyond the shadow of a doubt that babies are a blessing and a gift is an immeasurable blessing.

Feeling God’s love wrap around us as we go through this has strengthened our faith and trust in Him. He’s always here, never leaves or forsakes us, and always carries us through. I’ve felt Him nearer than I have in a long time and have been so comforted by Him. He is so so good, all the time.

Jonah means ‘God’s sovereignty’. God showed us through this that He is on His throne with might and strength for us in dark days. He is a fortress and a refuge we can run into and be safe.

We gave Jonah the middle name Michael, which means ‘Who is like God?’. God displayed His power in protecting me as I miscarried. God showed His glory in so many ways, including how He gave us Jonah’s name. God showed His immeasurable and all powerful love through those who have ministered to us. There is truly no one like God.

Though we are still grieving and will for awhile, I wanted to share this with you all while it’s fresh in my mind. I want you all to be reminded that God is good. He loves you so much and cares about the tiniest details of your life. He is there in sorrow, He is there in joy.

I don’t know how we’d make it through something like this without God. If you are walking without God as a close companion, I want to encourage you right now to pray, ask Him to come into your life and show you His sovereignty and glory. Ask him to prove to you the answer to “Who is like God?”

You’ll find there’s no one like him.

A Little Dottie for your Day

I used to frequently post a photo of Dottie with this tagline. There’s just something about her bright, intelligent eyes, her sweet smile, and joyful demeanor that captivated people. She’s been a joy since she was born and we love her so much. These last couple months, we’ve had a lot of Dottie each day but in a very different way.

This last week I was reading the book of Joshua in my Bible plan. Over and over in that book, God says don’t be afraid, have courage, do not fear.

At one point He says “Only be very courageous!”

It was fitting, as God’s word always is. Yet, it never ceases to amaze me that it always perfectly aligns with my situation. It’s like God intimately knows!

On Wednesday, I had to face some real fear. And I praise God for these verses leading up to and even on that day.

For a couple months now our sweet Dottie has been dealing with chronic headaches. It had seemed to progress from occasionally to daily. She complained multiple times a day and became sluggish. She went back to napping daily after having not napped for a year.

I’m not one to rush to the doctor, but after two months of trying every home remedy and craniosacral work with no lasting results, I knew something was wrong.

After a couple appointments and lab work that showed she was reacting to dairy and gluten, we also scheduled an MRI. Before our appointment as I prayed and thought about it all, I knew I wanted labs and imaging. I’m thankful the pediatrician felt the same way and got things moving.

Last Friday, she had her MRI.

This last Wednesday I got a call from the pediatrician’s office. They left a message saying he wanted to meet with me that day and to call back. When I did, the assistant said that the doctor would really like both mom and dad on the video call. Nothing unnerves you quite like that comment. We had been told Friday there was nothing alarming but the results would go to our pediatrician and he’d reach out so I honestly put it at the back of my mind and didn’t think more about it.

But when they said “today” and “both mom and dad”, my heart started racing and my mind felt foggy like I couldn’t think straight. I was honestly terrified of what they were going to tell me.

And I had to fight that fear all morning as I waited for our appointment.

I had to run to the store and Ortho, which was a blessing because it kept me busy. And it was a double blessing because while at Aldi, I ran into some amazing, godly, friends. The Lord said to me in that moment, “I put them here for you”.

So I told them what was going on and how scared I felt. They prayed right there in the store with me. I felt the fear and anxiety lift and my mind clear. Thank you, Jesus!

Andrew and I figured out how to both get on the video call with some frustration and could finally talk to the doctor.

Dottie has been diagnosed with Chiari Malformation Type 1. The brain tissue is down over her brain stem too far, causing pressure. Because of the pressure the spinal fluid can’t flow freely, causing headaches.

Many have said I’m so sorry and diagnoses are so heartbreaking. But, honestly, I was just relieved to know something specific. And relieved it wasn’t a brain tumor. At least with a diagnosis, we can face it head on and research what can be done.

Right now, we’re in the gathering information stage. We don’t feel rushed to make a hurried decision because since we’ve taken dairy and gluten out of her diet, her energy level is back up and she rarely complains of headaches now. We can see how much better she feels in her face with those changes so we’re thankful the Lord has given her that relief and all of us the extra time.

The neurologist’s solution is a deconstruction surgery where they take a portion of the skull out to make more room. I recently met someone who had this surgery and found so much relief from it. I’m so thankful the Lord is placing people in our lives at just the right time to help us on this journey.

We’re talking to a lot of people right now, praying, and watching Dottie closely. She is her regular, happy, joyful, energetic self and has handled the diet change like a champ, for which we’re thankful as well.

God knows exactly what the next steps are, even if we don’t. We’re trusting His perfect plan and asking for His guidance in everything. We’re thanking Him for already answering so many prayers and giving us tangible support and reminders that He’s right here with us.

Joshua 1:5-6 Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous
Joshua 1:7 Only be very strong and courageous
Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 3:7 As I was with Moses, so I will be with you

Not So Hidden Blessings

Andrew and I were reminiscing about 2024 on the 31st.

We’ve been seeing all these memes about 2024 ending and 2025 coming. Things like

2024 says, “But did you die?”

No one claim 2025 as your year. We’re all going to walk in nice and slow like.

We’ve been laughing at them because, honestly, we can relate. But as we talked over the year, we were blown away by God’s faithfulness and constant presence.

We were devastated when our garden flooded and we lost everything, but God gave us rest we hadn’t had in a long time.

We were shocked when Andrew was let go from his job, but God gave Andrew restoration and healing after being so burned out. God gave release and freedom where there seemed to be none. God has provided each and every day since July 22nd.

We were blessed with three visits with Isaiah.

Because Andrew was off work, we were able to help Samuel and Liv fix up their new house.

God added to our family by sending sweet Eli.

God brought new friends into our life whom we desperately needed.

God forged other friendships deeper and purer.

He showed us who truly had our back.

There are always going to be hard times, difficult seasons, and trying circumstances. We live in a broken and fallen world.

But God.

He is ever present and working. He loves us and desires to bless us abundantly. Sometimes we just have to look at a situation differently.

So whatever 2024 looked like for you, ask God where is the blessing in this? Guaranteed they are there and he’ll show you!