Well, it’s getting really real! The second shipment of seeds came!
Unlike the first shipment, I didn’t feel excitement. I felt fear and dread creep over me. Do you ever get that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach? No? Just me?
This whole idea came about slowly over the years we’ve lived here, yet now that it’s here, it’s a bit terrifying. I’ll share the vision story at some point, but for now, we truly believe God has called us to this. He put this idea on our hearts and is leading the way.
So, then, where does the fear and dread come from, you ask?
I’m a planner. To my very core, I love to plan. I love a clean notebook and Pilot G2 0.7 pen. I love to research and take notes and ponder what it could look like. I love to think through all the details and sort them out. Problem is, God’s not letting me plan this time around. At least not how I like to.
He has been slowly giving us one small step at a time and I’m having to learn to just trust Him over and over and over. It’s been a huge refining process for me. Huge. I want to look ahead and figure out everything as is my nature. But God keeps reigning me in and telling me He’s got this.
Those steps He gives are so good and perfect just like you would expect from Him. He has been leading us down a beautiful path that He has created and ordained for our family. I’ve always looked at those families who have that “one thing”, that unique trait that sets them apart. Like a family of musicians or a family of farmers or a family of kayakers. Whatever it might be, they have that one trait that binds them together. And God is giving us that trait to unify us as a family, which is another whole story in the midst of this.
For now, as we walk this path He has given us, I have to keep laying down the fears and worries and the unknown. I have to keep reminding myself He is trustworthy and faithful.
Years ago, a friend and I had planned and set up a silent auction to help a women’s center. It was a huge undertaking and I remember freaking out the week before. I was asking Andrew, in a panic, “what if no one shows up? What if no one contributes?”
He said very calmly, “He got you this far. He’s not about to leave you at the doorstep.”
So, I guess one of the steps I have to keep retaking in this journey is the step of trust. I have to repeatedly tell my heart His truths to calm fear and anxiety. And maybe you are facing a totally different journey, and yet you feel your throat constrict, your heart race, and your gut sink when you look ahead. Maybe you don’t wake up in a panic over bugs infesting your squash or mold killing your plants, but you do wake up in a panic! Maybe you don’t worry about no one signing up for your endeavor, but you do find yourself worrying.
Here’s what I’ve been doing and maybe it’ll help you too. Stick to Hs truths.
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
I could keep going, but you get the idea. Look up trust in your Bible and start reading and praying His words right back to Him.
Lord, I trust you. Let me rise up on eagle’s wings, help me run and not grow weary, help me walk and not grow faint. Let me not sit in the snare of fear but trust you and be kept safe. I will cast all my worries on you because you care for me and I will trust in the path you have made straight for me. I will trust in the name of the Lord and when I doubt, renew my strength and trust by reminding me of your faithfulness again and again.