desiredhavenfarm

Happy New Year

On the last day of the year I was driving with my seven year old. I mentioned it was the last day and the new year started the next day.

“Was 2025 a good year?” He asked.

“Well, there were good things and hard things in it. We had some losses and we had some good things too.”

“So it was a normal year?” He asked.

I think all too often we have this unrealistic expectation that we “deserve” a good year or we shouldn’t have any hardships. We want comfort and ease and never ask for difficulties.

But that isn’t real life.

Last year we lost a close friend, a dog, a baby, a lamb, cars. Some were harder losses than others.

But we had good things too. Andrew got a new job that has blessed our whole family in many ways. Projects were accomplished. We had an amazing family trip to our cabin and everyone grew in so many ways.

Charles Swindoll said, “When I ask people when they really grew spiritually, they never describe an easy time. Never.”

We’re all going to face hardships our entire lives. Our mindset in it is what matters. Do you whine and complain and feel envious of those who seem to have it easy? Or do you ask God what He’s trying to teach you in it? Do you find the blessings in the midst of the difficulty or do you just focus on the negative?

Did you know that research has shown that how we think about a situation actually rewires our brain? It’s called neuroplasticity and I don’t think we truly understand the power of this. When we focus on the negative, we will continue to see the negative.

When we look for the good and positive, we start to see it more and more. We actually rewire our brain to see the good. It’s really cool! And it’s really real.

In the past two weeks we’ve had a lot. Truly, a lot.

Our son and his girlfriend came to visit for Christmas. It was our first time meeting her and then we all got sick with influenza. We had numerous Christmas events and in the midst of it all, our cat got really sick. Then we had to say goodbye to Isaiah and his girlfriend, whom we had fallen in love with. I rang in the New Year with a child on the couch suffering from croup. Then we had to make the hard decision to put our cat down. It still sounds like a symphony of coughing in my house.

I could choose to look at all the negative. But I choose to see the good in it all. We got to see Isaiah and Karli and welcome her into our family. We went sledding and enjoyed good food. In the middle of the night with the croupy child, we stood on the porch letting her breathe in the cold air. She looked at me and said so sweetly, “I’ve never been outside at this time before. It’s nice.” (It was 3:30am)

Then yesterday, two of my girls got in an accident. It could have been so terrible but praise Jesus he protected them. They hit a snow drift and spun, sideswiping an oncoming car. Had he not swerved when he did, it would have been a head on collision. Again, I can focus on the terrible fact that they had an accident. Or I can thank God they are safe.

So, how are you wiring your brain? Are you going into this new year thinking it’s going to be “your year” and it’s going to be amazing and perfect? Or are you ready to look for the good and blessings in the midst of real life? Are you ready to thank God for the good and for the way He carries you and refines you in the hard?

I don’t look at all the hard in the last two weeks as a premonition of what’s to come this year. I don’t see all those things and think, oh great 2026 is going to be terrible. They are all just part of life. And God is so faithful. Every single time there’s something difficult, I see Him. I see His love for us and His goodness to us.

As you enter this new year, remember we aren’t promised all ease and comfort. But we are promised that He will never leave or forsake us.

Happy New Year!

Blessing to Your Family

Laundry

Groceries

Cooking a meal

Reading a bedtime story

Wiping a messy face

It may all seem like small things but you are a blessing to your family. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your job isn’t important. Don’t ever say “I’m just a stay at home mom”. You are changing the world while you stay at home.

I was talking to a friend who spent a few days in the hospital recently. When she got home she was supposed to be resting. But there are always endless needs when you’re a mama. And let’s face it, our hubby and kids just can’t do it like we do. Their standards for meals and a clean home aren’t the same as ours. Her struggle between rest and needing to fulfill her role is one we all struggle with!

I experienced this when I was miscarrying. My family did great but when I walked downstairs for the first time after days being in bed, I had to take a deep breath.

I realized we can choose in that moment to get frustrated. Or we can see how much we truly impact our families everyday. Every time we do a load of laundry or make a healthy home cooked meal or give kids baths, we’re ministering to our families. We’re showing them Christ’s love as we lay down our lives for them and help keep their lives running smoothly.

It’s been proven time and again that clutter and messiness disrupt peace and the ability to think clearly. Guess what moms do? They are constantly removing the clutter and mess. We walk around all day picking up, tidying, purging, and wiping things down.

And we all too often think it’s just a mundane and invisible and maybe even useless task. But it’s not. Not at all.

The blessing mamas bring to their families when they take good care of the home, the body, and the heart is immeasurable. There isn’t a price we can put on how important it is for mama to be there serving in the perfect way only she can.

Mamas, every time you fold clothes and tuck them away you are blessing your children. Every time you scrub the dishes and counters, you are showing them you care for their well-being. Every time you put away toys and clutter and sweep the floor you are being the hands and feet of Jesus to those most precious gifts he’s given you.

It’s immeasurable. It’s important. It’s imperative.

You are a blessing to your family. Every day.

Others First

One thing I love about homeschooling is having flexibility to do something different every once in awhile. Yes, the bookwork matters, but life skills are so important.

Today school looked differently. We went shopping together to fill Operation Christmas Child boxes and to get a birthday gift for a friend. The kids had to work together to pick gifts out and also control themselves in asking for things for themselves. They did great!

I told them as we were going into the store that we were shopping for others, not ourselves and they nailed it. They were all discussing what other kids would like and enjoy playing with. It was so sweet to see them think of others before themselves.

Speaking of thinking of others first, can we as mamas all just make a pact now that we aren’t going to turn into Karens? Please.

We encountered two today, both in parking lots. The first yelled at me because she thought she couldn’t get into her car because I had parked next to her. It didn’t matter that she was the one who had parked on the line. I had to move.

The other laid on her horn as I pulled into a spot. It was angled parking and I pulled into a free spot with no one to the right of me. She was facing the empty spot next to us and laid on her horn and yelled through her windshield at me. Obviously I couldn’t hear her but from her gestures I gathered she wanted to pull through and was angry I pulled into a spot. Again, it didn’t matter that you aren’t supposed to pull through angled parking or that I wasn’t even in the spot directly across from her. Even one of my kids said, “boy, was she irritated with you!”

It was honestly sad to see how some people just live their lives angry and irritated at everyone. Remember it shows a lot more about what’s in their heart than about you.

So, today, I’m just asking all my mama friends to not be those angry women in public (or at home for that matter)! Let’s model to our families and those around us how to put others first.

Philippians 2:3 ESV
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

And if you struggle with anger, as I do, let’s all agree to bring it to the cross over and over and over until the old has truly died!

Jonah Michael

Trusting in God often feels like taffy being stretched and pulled. You feel like you might break but it’s stretched just far enough that you change and bend. Then there’s rest to process and adjust.

Stretched but never broken. That’s how I feel.

This last week has been one of those stretching weeks. One of those times in my life where I’ve been stretched far beyond what I thought capable. If you believe the idiom “God never gives you more than you can handle”, just know it’s not true. He definitely allows things in your life that go beyond your capacity, reasoning, wisdom, and strength.

The amazing thing is that in those times, God also carries you and shows you His glory, His strength, and His faithfulness.

Not many people know this, but we were expecting our 13th baby this fall. There was a .03% chance that’d we’d get pregnant again. I won’t share how I know this percentage, just trust me that I know. We were very shocked and were dealing with a lot of emotions surrounding being pregnant again. It’s not like we are getting younger! And we have two grandbabies! Andrew is coming up on 50 next spring!

We were busy processing all the emotions of it and just coming to the point where we were starting to feel excited. Then, the bleeding started.

Over this past week, over the very day my mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer 24 years ago, we lost our sweet baby. We’ve never, in all our pregnancies had to walk this road. And I’ve always been grateful to God for that. It had always felt like something I wouldn’t be able to handle. Yet, here we are. And we’re being so sustained by God.

So many people brought us beautiful flowers that have cheered my soul!

He has walked us through each and every moment. We’ve felt lifted up and held by prayers. We’ve heard of people we don’t even know who have prayed for us. People are bringing meals and flowers, giving hugs and a listening ear. It’s one of those times in life where God is made tangibly known.

Weeks ago, when we had just found out, we had the very strong intuition that we were having a boy. We had no names picked out at all and nothing coming to mind.

One day, I was driving and praying about it all. I asked the Lord, “is there a name you want for this baby?” Right away Jonah came to mind. My very next thought was, Andrew won’t like that name.

About a week went by and Andrew and I were in the kitchen making dinner. He said, “You know, I had a boy’s name come to mind the other day but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Oh, yeah, well what is it?” I asked.

“Jonah.”

I laughed and shouted, “NO way! I had that very name come to mind a few days ago and thought you wouldn’t like it.”

We knew at that moment God had named our child.

Having to say goodbye to your child too early is not an easy road to walk. There is so much sorrow even though we never got to meet this little guy. He is a part of our family forever, even though he won’t grow up with his siblings. And there’s so much grief in our house with everyone grieving a different way and at different times.

But there’s so much good too. Knowing that Jonah went straight from the safety of the womb to the safety of Jesus’ arms is a blessing none can deny. He’ll never have to know the difficulties of this world.

Seeing our children love a baby from the moment they heard about him is amazing. Not one of them questioned adding another sibling. They just jumped up and down, excited to welcome him. And they cried when they heard he went to heaven early. Having our kids know beyond the shadow of a doubt that babies are a blessing and a gift is an immeasurable blessing.

Feeling God’s love wrap around us as we go through this has strengthened our faith and trust in Him. He’s always here, never leaves or forsakes us, and always carries us through. I’ve felt Him nearer than I have in a long time and have been so comforted by Him. He is so so good, all the time.

Jonah means ‘God’s sovereignty’. God showed us through this that He is on His throne with might and strength for us in dark days. He is a fortress and a refuge we can run into and be safe.

We gave Jonah the middle name Michael, which means ‘Who is like God?’. God displayed His power in protecting me as I miscarried. God showed His glory in so many ways, including how He gave us Jonah’s name. God showed His immeasurable and all powerful love through those who have ministered to us. There is truly no one like God.

Though we are still grieving and will for awhile, I wanted to share this with you all while it’s fresh in my mind. I want you all to be reminded that God is good. He loves you so much and cares about the tiniest details of your life. He is there in sorrow, He is there in joy.

I don’t know how we’d make it through something like this without God. If you are walking without God as a close companion, I want to encourage you right now to pray, ask Him to come into your life and show you His sovereignty and glory. Ask him to prove to you the answer to “Who is like God?”

You’ll find there’s no one like him.

Freedom in Homeschooling

The other day David said, hey mom, take a picture of this! I turned and looked and he had built this 3D tower out of Jenga blocks that took me seriously minutes to figure out.

I immediately sent it to my oldest, Samuel, because he’d get it. We often call David Samuel Jr because their minds work so similarly!

They can picture something in 3D in their heads, turn it around in their mind and see it from all sides, and then build it or draw it. They are both amazing artists and designers.

I love to watch how their minds work. Both can sit quietly for hours thinking, strategizing, and executing something they came up with and it always awes me. And I love giving David time to explore this gift.

Even though I’m done homeschooling Samuel and can just watch how he’s put that gift into practice daily with his job, I’m still so thankful we homeschooled him. And I’m so thankful David gets that opportunity as well.

One of the great beauties of homeschooling is letting our kids discover their gifts and talents and give them time to try it out. Samuel would often grab some wood and tools and throw something together. In fact, he just did it the other day when he was over!

Each of us has a gifting or bent towards something. And it’s good to follow those! It’s ok if one of your kids is horrible at math and another excels at it. It’s perfectly normal if one reads at 5 and another doesn’t read until 10. Those successes and weaknesses show us where our kids’ giftings lie. It doesn’t mean you scrap math for the one who struggles with it, but it does give you the freedom to not stress over it.

I have a child who only made it to pre-algebra and even that was a struggle. Guess what? He’s doing just fine in the great wide world! He’s a successful, capable adult.

Let homeschooling give you freedom to pursue those talents and don’t stress over the weak spots! If we each evaluated ourselves, we’d find we still have weak spots!

I love this photo because it perfectly captures David’s personality. He wasn’t upset, just staring at the waves on Lake Superior contemplating and thinking!

Charlie Kirk

I’m not sure where to begin. My heart is sad and heavy today. I’m sad not just because Charlie Kirk was murdered yesterday, but because of what it reveals about the state of our nation.

There are many who celebrated his death when they heard, posting themselves dancing on TikTok and speaking aloud their joy in another person’s death. There was cheering in TMZ Media’s studio when the staff there heard the news.

Can you even imagine cheering at someone’s death? It’s baffling to me. No matter whether you agreed or disagreed, Charlie Kirk was a human being, a husband, a father. His wife never gets to kiss him goodnight again. His children never get to run into his arms again.

If you rejoiced at this news, even if you just thought “good riddance” or “he got what he deserved”, please go stand in front of a mirror and digest who you really are. Stand convicted of the hate and sin in your heart.

Charlie Kirk was willing to put everything on the line for his faith. He didn’t do it with violence or anger or hatred. He was always seated at a table in a humble manner when taking questions. He was always willing to hear others and answer intelligently and calmly.

You don’t have to agree with what he stood for. You don’t have to like it. But we all need to come to a place where violence in response to disagreement cannot be the answer. Somehow we have to find that common ground that every person everywhere has the right to life, peaceful life, that every person is a human being with loved ones, a soul, and thoughts and feelings.

Christian mamas, this is a turning point in our culture. We have been fighting the good fight at home everyday but let’s be even more purposeful in teaching our kids the truth of God’s Word and what freedom should really look like. Let’s stand up for what we believe in, step in and help when we see a need, and never shy away from sharing the love of Jesus. It’s time to take up the torch Charlie had to put down. All of us.

Each of us and each of our children have a purpose in this life. We need to be equipped and we need to equip our children to be ready for that purpose. We live in dark days but that just means the light of Jesus is going to shine brighter and brighter. Get into the Word, memorize it, pray, and share God’s love and teach your kids to do the same.

Hate doesn’t get to win.

Blossom in Time

I remember my first day of kindergarten vividly. I was so terrified as we drove up to the school. I remember hiding in the back seat, trying to shrink down. When my parents got me out of the car, I started to cry. I clung to my mom and an aide pried me off her and held me as I kicked and screamed while my parents drove away.

I have no idea what possessed my parents to think that was ok and normal. I don’t know if it was a bit out of desperation because if I went to school they didn’t have to pay childcare anymore or if they just thought, well she’s five, she has to go.

Sometimes, actually many times, I notice people just don’t think things through. It’s just how it’s always been or the “norm”. Do what society does because it’s expected.

I remember thinking often about this memory as I watched my little girl struggle with social settings. In her very early years she would cry and bury her head in my shoulder if anyone said hi to her. For a long time she was afraid to talk to anyone except her siblings.

When she was five she wasn’t quite as shy but big groups were very overwhelming to her. She would basically shut down and once she was home she’d find a quiet corner and do her own thing.

Today, at 13, she loves her friends, one or two at a time. She shines on stage playing her flute or acting. She has the biggest smile for people and is so kind and thoughtful. She’s definitely still an introvert and always will be, but she’s confident in who she is and comfortable around people. She’ll still say, “there’s so many people” or “I need some alone time” but she’s learned how to navigate those “extrovert” situations.

I love that homeschooling has allowed her to blossom at her own pace, in her own time, in her own way. Unlike me, she wasn’t forced to manage something she wasn’t ready for. She wasn’t pushed into a large group where she was terrified for no other reason than she turned five.

Homeschooling is way more than math and reading, although she’s really good at those too. It’s about letting our kids be who they were created to be. It’s about giving them a safe environment where they are protected from things they aren’t ready for. It’s about cherishing those very different personalities each of our kids possess.

She’s an amazing young lady, who is a joy to be with. I’m so thankful I get to have her at home where she isn’t zapped of all her energy everyday just trying to manage lots of people!

Character at Home

I have this little boy in my house who frequently leaves me baffled and wondering, what do I do with him. He’s passionate, energetic, stubborn, and fiercely opinionated. And if he doesn’t like something he won’t do it and you can’t make him.

He’s come a long way in learning self control and controlling his emotions. I remember vividly when he was a baby he would scream and thrash and kick me when I just wanted to change his diaper. His temper frequently got the best of him and he’d hit or throw something while screaming.

Of course, as his mom, I see how far he has to go still too. And there are still days when I think, oh boy, if he doesn’t learn to chill there’s going to be trouble. But, for the most part, thankfully, the Lord has given me a long term perspective with him. And there’s lots of laughter and joy with him too. Because his strong, passionate emotions span the entire spectrum.

There’s lots of reasons to homeschool for me and he’s one of them. I know he would likely be labeled. I know he’d likely challenge any teacher he encountered to his own detriment. I know there would be phone calls home because of his lack of enthusiasm or downright refusal to do something.

Now, I am not okay with my kids treating authority with an utter lack of respect. I don’t let him get away with it. But that also doesn’t mean that I can just tell him once not to act like that and he’d quit. This is a struggle for him and he’ll even admit that. He doesn’t like when he bursts out at people, but I know from my own experience it’s not an easy lesson to learn. I still struggle at times with lashing out so I get it all while I don’t condone it.

Having him at home means we can spend the time we need to on character, behavior, emotions, and relationship. He’s not away from me for eight plus hours a day, where I can’t help him learn how to manage his passion. He gets the time he needs to cool down and work through the hard things while he’s at home without worrying about falling behind in any school subjects. Because in our house there is no behind.

This kid doesn’t know how to read yet, and frankly, doesn’t care about letters. But he is learning how to be gentle, love deeply, control big emotions, handle conflict in a godly way, and he even gets some math in there.

I know that the Lord has amazing plans for him. Someday he’s going to do just what the Lord called him to and do it with more passion than most. He’s going to be a force to be reckoned with for God’s kingdom.

For now, I’m so thankful he can be at home with me, where we can hone that passion without squashing it. I’m so thankful even on the really hard days that he’s somewhere he feels safe and able to express those big emotions and work through it all with people who love him dearly.

Vacation

It’s been a whole year since Andrew was let go from his job. And six months since he started his new one. What a rollercoaster it’s all been but something happened this week that really just reminded us that God cares for us, deeply.

We went away to our cabin up in the deep woods, way up north. So far you lose cell service. There’s no running water or electricity. No TV. Just wonderful, beautiful nature. This was our first vacation since Andrew started his new job.

In the past, when we took a few days to get away, he never really got away from his job. If we had cell service, there were phone calls and texts and emails constantly. When he got back, there was always a heap on his desk, orders waiting to be processed, contractors waiting for things, customers angry about something.

Every time we’d start the drive home from vacation I could see the stress settle back on his shoulders. I knew he was thinking ahead to what he have to deal with at work. It was more work to go on vacation than to just stay there.

Getting away and just being present with each other is so important and so refreshing. Even though it was always hard for him to actually get away, I forced it because it was needed.

This time around, when he was at work the day before we left, the director said “go on, get out of here. And don’t even think about it while you’re gone.” That in itself was such a change.

When we were driving home I could tell the stress was settling on Andrew as he drove and I knew he was anticipating what he’d dealt with before.

But he was pleasantly surprised when he got back to work and his desk was empty! Everything was still running smoothly, there was no chaos or emergencies. He just stepped back in and the wheels kept turning.

Sometimes when we get dealt something difficult and scary, we feel as though nothing good could possibly come from it. We feel abandoned and confused and even terrified. I remember well how scared I felt when Andrew lost his job.

And yet, God.

He loves us so much and cares for us so deeply we can’t even fathom it. He orchestrates things we couldn’t even dream of. And He does it for our good.

We knew Andrew needed a different position, but had no idea what or where or how. We felt stuck.

It wasn’t the way we would have done it, but it was the best way. Of course it was.

Often, once we’re through something hard and on the other side, we can look back and see God’s hand on every moment and part. And we can say, “oh I get it now. I see what you were doing, God. Thank you.”

We’re so so thankful for this path God has chosen. It’s been a breath of fresh air to our lives in so many ways.

Today, we’re grateful yet again for God’s love and goodness in our lives.

Back to School?

Somehow August is upon us, the garden is flourishing and about to burst with abundant harvest, and school is lurking around the corner.

Some years, we’ve started school mid August, other years we haven’t started until October. It’s one of the many things I love about homeschooling. We have the freedom to flow with ever changing life and not be locked into a government schedule.

I remember the year I was having Elliot, who was due in October. We started kindergarten in August because I knew I’d want and need time off when he was born.

Another year when we were harvesting like crazy for our CSA, we just didn’t have time for school until October so we waited.

There are so many great reasons to homeschool and having the freedom to set your own schedule is just one of the many.

It took me years to really settle into and own the fact that my routine and schedule can be totally different from everyone else’s and from the public school system. I can listen to the rhythm of my family and the season we’re in and adjust accordingly.

Not only can I do that with our start date, but with breaks and our end date as well. Some winters we have too many illnesses to count and so we break and rest and get healthy. Then we start up again when we can.

Each family has a rhythm of its own and I believe it’s healthier to follow that rhythm than to force our kids into an arbitrary, government created schedule. Have you ever critically thought about why our society’s schedule is rush rush rush? It’s worth putting some thought into.

Think about your kid whose body rhythm is to stay up late and sleep in. Why are forcing those kids to wake up at 6am to rush off to school?

Think about how sometimes in August you’re desperate for a routine again? Why not listen to that and start some structured learning to bring order back into your family.

There are so many beautiful reasons to homeschool. If you’ve been thinking about it for your family, I encourage you to make a list of those things your family is craving and see if homeschooling and slowing your routine can fulfill some of that.