Motherhood – Page 2 – Desired Haven Farm

Role Model

As a mom I want my kids to pursue their calling. I want my girls and boys to be able to do whatever it is that God calls them too. I don’t want there to be hindrances and obstacles. I don’t want others to stand in their way.

But, I also want them to hold tight to the Truth. I want them to hold tight to their convictions and the knowledge of right and wrong. I want my girls and boys to know who they are in Christ and what He calls them to.

I don’t ever want to see my kids accomplish something great at the expense of their morals, their faith, and their soul. I don’t want them to stomp on others to get ahead. I would hate to see them set aside what they know is good, true, right, pure, and honest.

I’m sure, at this point, you’re agreeing with me. But you may disagree as I continue…

So many in the past few months are pointing their girls to a certain “role model”. Look what she’s accomplished. Look how she broke the glass ceiling. “Put your shoes on, girls, their lots of glass on the ground.” You can be anything! See, Kamala did it! She paved the way for you.

I say, hold on. At what expense did she “make it to the top”? At who’s expense did she accomplish this supposed success? At the end of her days, when she stands before God, will she be able to stand? Will her actions here on earth condemn her?

I don’t claim to know Kamala’s heart or any others, but the claims against her and what I know she stands for are disturbing. I don’t want my girls to look to her at all as a role model. I don’t want my girls to think it’s ok to give themselves away to unavailable men. I would be heart broken if they supported the murdering of babies. I would never want them to condone rioting. The list goes on.

If my girls are stay at home moms, serving their families faithfully and quietly, I’ll be proud of them. If they become doctors, lawyers, or politicians, I’ll support them. If they work at Aldi or Culvers, or travel as a missionary, I’ll walk with them.

But there’s something so much more important than status and the worldly prestige that comes with position. There’s something hundreds of time more important than “breaking the glass ceiling” in a falling society.

The status of their souls.

I want my girls to look to the folks models in this world who have remained faithful to God, who have said no to status and prestige to save their souls. Thankfully there are some amazing women in our lives that I’ve purposely made relationships with for myself and for the benefit of my girls. I want my kids to look to those people and I desire that my girls ultimately look to Jesus as their role model.

These women in our lives are not perfect, but they are redeemed. They are not without fault but they are humble, willing to admit fault, willing to stand for what’s right at all costs.

You know who you are, ladies. You are my tribe and I thank you for speaking wisdom, love, faith, forgiveness, and humility. You are the women I can count on in times of trouble, the women who tell me when I’m wrong and love me through it, the women who lift me up when I’m knocked down, the women who love my children alongside me. You don’t have to be perfect, because ou constantly point my girls and I to the one who is.

If you want a role model for your girls, be that role model and surround yourselves with women who stand for the truth, for conviction, for purity, for faithfulness, for real love. Point your girls (and boys) to Jesus, the perfect role model.

He’ll never let you down, never forsake you, never show you the wrong path. He is the perfect role model for all of us!

And, because He is perfect, the memory verse this week reminds us of this perfect role model.

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.
Acts 17:24‭-‬25 ESV

Who wouldn’t want this God for a role model?!

How do you do it?

So many ask me, how do you do it?

I don’t think I do it any better than any other mom, really. I fall short plenty and in many areas!

But here’s a few things I’ve done that do help my sanity.

First, get rid of stuff. Lots of stuff. Stop having emotional attachments to things and throw them out. It might feel hard at first and it might even seem mean to get rid of your kid’s toys, but really you are helping everyone in your house. There’s so much baggage when you are attached to stuff and so much unnecessary guilt when you don’t want to clean out your kid’s excess. You will feel lighter and more free if you just remove it! Pack up 50% of the toys, get rid of the boxes you never unpacked from when you moved 5 years ago, clean out the cabinets of all those appliances you had good intentions with. And keep doing it. I probably go through my house a few times a year and haul stuff away to Goodwill. I think the junk reproduces when I’m not looking.

I have also greatly downsized my kids clothing. My kids have about 10 outfits and that’s it. And if we get new items, we pair down the old. My boys have baskets for their items and if their clothes don’t fit in the baskets we know there are too many items. So we hand them to someone else too bless them. My girls have dressers but the same thing applies. This helps immensely with laundry as well. My out of control laundry piles consist of about 6 loads. I used to have 15 loads in my out of control piles, when I didn’t get to it daily.

Second, my kids have to help. They do a lot! After each meal two kids have to clean up the kitchen and two have to clean the dining room. My kids take turns being my kitchen helper, helping me cook so they learn how to do it too. They clean house every Saturday morning – I honestly hardly help. They each have a zone in the house they have to pick up if I say, “Zones!” They have to keep their rooms in order, do their own laundry once they are 8, and take care of all the animals. Every child from about age 2 can do something around the house. At first it might feel like it takes more time to have them help, but trust me, in the long run, you’ll be glad you took that time.

David despises chores! I only got him to smile by telling him I needed to see that grumpy face.

Third, I take time for myself. Not a lot, but I try to make sure I get a little. The most important thing I do for myself is read God’s Word. I wish I could say I do it daily but it doesn’t always happen. I do try to fit it in everyday though. That’s my goal. It doesn’t matter what I read in the Word l, if I’ve read that day I can tell a difference. I have a better attitude if I’ve read and, in turn, my kids have a better attitude, and, in turn, our day goes better. I may not even remember what I read, but that connection with the Lord really makes a difference.

This is what’s happening during my “quiet time” – massive wrestling match!

I also try to work out a few times a week. This really helps my mood and helps me get back in shape after baby Dottie! It’s not easy to fit it in, but it’s worth it. I just do 20 minute workouts so they don’t take that much time. My kids even like to join in!

Another thing I try to do for myself is create. I love to paint, make boards, crochet. Sometimes I get 5 minutes to work on my latest blanket. Sometimes I get to go to a ladies art night and spend a couple hours painting.

I used to be an all-or- nothing kind of person. Like if I couldn’t do the project from start to finish I wouldn’t start. But if eleven kids had taught me anything is to fit it in where and when I can! And if it doesn’t get finished, I can come back to it. I’d still prefer to finish it all at once, but I’ve learned to give that up, a little bit.

Give yourself grace and lots of it! His mercies are new every morning so try again tomorrow if it didn’t go so well today. I can get so down in myself for not getting my workout in or my Bible reading done, or for not having a perfectly decorated house (I know, dumb). But He has asked me to care for, mold, and shape these children so that’s where my focus needs to be. It’s not easy, but it is good!

Capture One Moment

There’s those events in life that make you really stop and think about, well, life. The days you are given, the moments you should catch and hold onto.

Recently some dear friends of ours lost their 25 year old son completely unexpectedly. He was a strong, healthy, young man and then he was gone.

Then last week, we had an incident that will remain with me a long time.

We were celebrating a birthday in town and eating supper. Lukas was on my lap but didn’t want any more food so I set him down to play while I finished. He wandered over to his sister and wanted more food. Suddenly, Isaiah said, “I think he’s choking” and grabbed him and started hitting him on the back. How he knew how to do that, I don’t know, but he did. Nothing happened so I grabbed Lukas and started banging on him.

Andrew joined in. The rest of the party was totally silent. It was like time slowed down and I was aware of every person in the room sitting like statues watching Andrew and I bang on this little baby as he turned blue. I kept saying, “Breathe, baby” and “Jesus” over and over, the only prayer I could formulate. Afterwards Andrew and Isaiah said they were praying too. I love that we turn to God so quickly in the midst of scary circumstances. It’s a testimony to Him about His faithfulness in our lives!

My sister in law asked over and over, “Should I call 911?” I think I said yes, but she didn’t hear me. Finally, Isaiah (the true hero of this story) said very firmly, “Auntie Jen, call 911 now!”

By this time a couple minutes had passed and Lukas was blue and puffy in the face. I was near hysterics and could feel the panic rising in my chest. I physically had to force it down as I thought, if I start crying now I’ll freak out completely.

Finally, after what felt like eternity, Lukas coughed up a chunk of watermelon and began to raggedly suck in air. It took a few moments for him to get all the gunk out and really breathe well, but those first little cries and inhalations were like music to my ears. That’s when the tears and shaking set in.

And, that’s when the police officer came in and the paramedics showed up. Thank the Lord for those responders! Thank the Lord I didn’t really need them anymore! I was reassured by them though. They listened to Lukas and took his pulse and watched him suck his fingers and giggle.

That night when we were putting Lukas to bed, he was playing peekaboo with Andrew and laughing so hard his legs and arms were dancing. I just started to cry all over again, thinking how that moment, that sweet and simple bedtime moment may not have been.

I realized that everyday can’t be amazing and out of the ordinary. Everyday can’t be special all day long, but I can capture a moment each day. Everyday is a gift. Have you thought about that? We aren’t guaranteed a long life or a future. We don’t know if we’ll have tomorrow. I know we’ve all heard that before, but truly think about that. We really only have today. And yes, we have laundry to do and dishes to wash and kids need to get to bed. But try to capture just one moment each day, try to catch one memory each day.

We can’t control a lot in life. There are so many circumstances and situations out of our control all the time. But we can control which moments we hang onto and what perspective we’ll have in the midst of life. That memory of Lukas giggling and playing with Daddy before bed is what I choose to capture from that day. And today, I’m looking for a moment to capture as well, not on my smart phone, but in my mind, as a reminder to cherish today, because it’s really all I’ve got.

Psalm 91

¹Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
²I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

³Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
⁸You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
¹²they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴“Because he^[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

Super Mom, I am not…

Often, when people meet me and learn about my nine kids the first response is, “Wow, you are a Super Mom!”

I’m here to tell you I’m so far from anything ‘Super’. I’m just an average person with a crazy life, trying to stay afloat. I don’t have it all together and I don’t have perfect kids. Most of the time I have no idea what I’m even doing in this crazy parenting thing!

Don’t believe me? Right now there are toys strewn across EVERY room of my house, and I mean EVERY! Even MY bedroom. How do they get in there??? I can tell you I don’t play with them!

There are piles of clean and dirty laundry piled in numerous places, seeming to shout, I’ll always be here to taunt you!!

And then there’s the kids. So often I hear, “You have amazing kids! They are so great!” And they are, most of the time. But they are far from perfect.

And guess what? Most of what I deal with with my children comes from me. I hear the way they talk to each other and think, Ouch, I speak that way to them. Here’s where I bare my heart to you and hope you can sympathize and not judge…

This week we hit bottom. All my pushing, ranting, yelling, commanding and raving came to a head on Wednesday. You see, naturally with nine kids, I am used to handing out ‘to-do lists’, commanding the kids to get things done, and not always being nice about it. It’s a bad habit, I’ll admit, but it gets the job done. Problem is, it doesn’t do much for the relationship, especially with the teens.

On Wednesday I caught one of my teens lying to me again. It’s been a long standing problem with this one and it’s one of those things that makes me really irate. I mean, screaming, yelling, head-spinning angry. If you can’t tell, I don’t always handle myself well.

Well, it came to a head and I pushed too much and made this child too angry. You know that verse about not exasperating your kids? Yeah, well, I did it. Now I can’t take all the blame because this child didn’t handle it well either and shouldn’t have lied and then lied again. So he ran away. He actually ran out the door, threw on his muck boots which aren’t lined, didn’t grab a coat and took off across the field. I really thought he just ran into the back yard so I didn’t think much of it, but I was worked up and had not idea how to deal with the situation anymore. So, I called my amazing, wonderful hubby and said, “I’m so sorry. I know you are supposed to go to youth group right now but you HAVE to come home.”

He didn’t hesitate (he’s awesome and amazing and I’m so thankful for him) and came home. By then I was worried because I didn’t see said child in the backyard but it was dark and I kind of thought he had climbed a tree or headed into the barn. Andrew took off looking for him, searching all seven out buildings, the trees, the yard. I saw his flashlight waving around outside and kept waiting for him to come in having found him. But no, that flashlight just kept swishing back and forth.

I went out to help and started to get concerned. I started yelling this child’s name, hoping he’d just pop out of hiding. He did finally come back, stomping over the field, cold and tired and cooled off. We figure he walked about 2 1/2 miles over snowy, muddy fields and roads.

The amazing mix of emotions I felt at that moment was overwhelming! I was so relieved and so angry all at once. All I could do was say, “Get in the house.” And then I cried and cried. Kids don’t know what they do to a mama’s heart. All the thoughts of what could have happened to him while he was gone and raced through my mind over and over and I tromped around the yard in sometimes knee deep snow. I had to will myself to stay calm as surges of panic tried to over take me.

I realized that night what I had done to this child. He told me he was sure I didn’t want him around. Where’d he get that idea?

From me.

From my frustration at him leaving his shoes and books and clothes and things laying all over all the time. From my constant annoyance at his lack of motivation and responsibility. From my harsh words and unkind looks.

From me.

Are those things okay or acceptable? No, but neither have my actions been acceptable. Two wrongs don’t make a right. We’ve heard that before, haven’t we?

So, there you have it. I am not Super Mom! Not even close. I fail miserably everyday at this thing called mothering. I have to guess at what to do sometimes. I have to say sorry, A LOT! I have to take back my harsh words. There are days I just want to go to bed and start over.

Here’s the encouragement, mamas. You aren’t alone. We’re all imperfect. We all mess up. So, you aren’t alone. We’re in this together.

Here’s still more encouragement. He always reminds me after I totally mess up of a few truths I have to hang on to. God made me mama to my kids. No one else can be mama to my kids the way I can. Even with my imperfections, even with my mistakes. In spite of my shortcomings He knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me my kids. And His grace is bigger than my weakness. His grace covers my children and washes over them when I mess up. And it washes over me to.

God’s grace is never ending and perfect and covers all wrongs. Thankfully His grace was with us that evening and covered all of us and it ended well. We talked through a lot of things and resolved issues and said I’m sorry.

God’s grace will continue as I try to change my habits and speak differently to my kids, as I try to show them they are wanted, loved, cherished.

God’s grace is sufficient for you too, in this crazy, messy journey called motherhood.

Enough.

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I wake up every morning feeling overwhelmed. I’ll just admit it to you now. There isn’t a morning where I don’t wake up and think, oh man, how am I going to get everything accomplished that I need to today?

Ever feel that way?

Weighing on my mind is everything from whose turn it is to do laundry to how will I get my dyslexic son through college to what’s for dinner and did I thaw any meat. n top of that are the thoughts of who I need to contact, what friends haven’t I talked to in a while, what forms need to be filled out for numerous activities and events, and who needs a shower or bath. Then I start to list all the activities and sports we AREN’T involved in and whether my kids are missing out. It doesn’t end there. The list continues and by the time I get out of the shower my mind has already formulated a plan on how to accomplish it all.

No wonder I wake up tired!

Maybe your mind doesn’t work this way…feel blessed! I’m a planner by nature and it’s very hard for me to shut that off and just be. But every morning (at least I shoot for every morning) I practice just being with the Lord. I read some of His truths, pray, connect with Him and ask Him to order my day. Why? Well, it’s really the only way to help that overwhelmed feeling.

Every morning I spend with Him I realize, “God’s Got This!”, as a bracelet a friend gave me says. He reminds me He loves me, He loves my family, and He knows our life better than I do.

And you know what He always tells me? …..You are Enough.

So, fellow mamas, let that sink in. You. Are. Enough.

You aren’t enough because of what you can accomplish. You aren’t enough because you wake up energized and ready to face the world. You aren’t enough because you check everything off the to-do list. You aren’t enough because your kids are well dressed and well behaved. You aren’t enough because your house is beautifully decorated and clean.

You are enough because of what He has done and still does for you. You are enough because He has placed you in this very position at this very point in time. You are enough because He gives you His strength, peace, and knowledge.

So the next time you wake up feeling overwhelmed, maybe even discouraged, tell yourself, “God says, I am enough” and rest in that overwhelming sense of peace!