Tag: homeschooling

Character at Home

I have this little boy in my house who frequently leaves me baffled and wondering, what do I do with him. He’s passionate, energetic, stubborn, and fiercely opinionated. And if he doesn’t like something he won’t do it and you can’t make him.

He’s come a long way in learning self control and controlling his emotions. I remember vividly when he was a baby he would scream and thrash and kick me when I just wanted to change his diaper. His temper frequently got the best of him and he’d hit or throw something while screaming.

Of course, as his mom, I see how far he has to go still too. And there are still days when I think, oh boy, if he doesn’t learn to chill there’s going to be trouble. But, for the most part, thankfully, the Lord has given me a long term perspective with him. And there’s lots of laughter and joy with him too. Because his strong, passionate emotions span the entire spectrum.

There’s lots of reasons to homeschool for me and he’s one of them. I know he would likely be labeled. I know he’d likely challenge any teacher he encountered to his own detriment. I know there would be phone calls home because of his lack of enthusiasm or downright refusal to do something.

Now, I am not okay with my kids treating authority with an utter lack of respect. I don’t let him get away with it. But that also doesn’t mean that I can just tell him once not to act like that and he’d quit. This is a struggle for him and he’ll even admit that. He doesn’t like when he bursts out at people, but I know from my own experience it’s not an easy lesson to learn. I still struggle at times with lashing out so I get it all while I don’t condone it.

Having him at home means we can spend the time we need to on character, behavior, emotions, and relationship. He’s not away from me for eight plus hours a day, where I can’t help him learn how to manage his passion. He gets the time he needs to cool down and work through the hard things while he’s at home without worrying about falling behind in any school subjects. Because in our house there is no behind.

This kid doesn’t know how to read yet, and frankly, doesn’t care about letters. But he is learning how to be gentle, love deeply, control big emotions, handle conflict in a godly way, and he even gets some math in there.

I know that the Lord has amazing plans for him. Someday he’s going to do just what the Lord called him to and do it with more passion than most. He’s going to be a force to be reckoned with for God’s kingdom.

For now, I’m so thankful he can be at home with me, where we can hone that passion without squashing it. I’m so thankful even on the really hard days that he’s somewhere he feels safe and able to express those big emotions and work through it all with people who love him dearly.

Back to School?

Somehow August is upon us, the garden is flourishing and about to burst with abundant harvest, and school is lurking around the corner.

Some years, we’ve started school mid August, other years we haven’t started until October. It’s one of the many things I love about homeschooling. We have the freedom to flow with ever changing life and not be locked into a government schedule.

I remember the year I was having Elliot, who was due in October. We started kindergarten in August because I knew I’d want and need time off when he was born.

Another year when we were harvesting like crazy for our CSA, we just didn’t have time for school until October so we waited.

There are so many great reasons to homeschool and having the freedom to set your own schedule is just one of the many.

It took me years to really settle into and own the fact that my routine and schedule can be totally different from everyone else’s and from the public school system. I can listen to the rhythm of my family and the season we’re in and adjust accordingly.

Not only can I do that with our start date, but with breaks and our end date as well. Some winters we have too many illnesses to count and so we break and rest and get healthy. Then we start up again when we can.

Each family has a rhythm of its own and I believe it’s healthier to follow that rhythm than to force our kids into an arbitrary, government created schedule. Have you ever critically thought about why our society’s schedule is rush rush rush? It’s worth putting some thought into.

Think about your kid whose body rhythm is to stay up late and sleep in. Why are forcing those kids to wake up at 6am to rush off to school?

Think about how sometimes in August you’re desperate for a routine again? Why not listen to that and start some structured learning to bring order back into your family.

There are so many beautiful reasons to homeschool. If you’ve been thinking about it for your family, I encourage you to make a list of those things your family is craving and see if homeschooling and slowing your routine can fulfill some of that.

Digging Out

After three weeks of serious illness in our house, we’re finally healthy. Now it’s time to dig ourselves out!

Three weeks of illness in a large family doesn’t mean you get three weeks behind. It multiplies exponentially and quickly! If I cancelled three weeks worth of activities, playdates, appointments, and school, it’s not like I have three free weeks in which to fit it all after we’re better. Oh no, it just piles on top.

Guaranteed some things are just gone, fallen by the wayside never to be retrieved. It just happens. I got to the point where I was just happy there weren’t kids puking, piles of laundry ready to topple on me, and fresh food in the fridge again. The rest didn’t matter.

One thing that unfortunately happens is stuff gets set places, random places. Things get piled to be dealt with later and things get lost. I just found an envelope that was supposed to go in the mail a month ago…oops.

The worst of the worst is always our school room/ office space. It’s like a magnet for attracting all the things and then effectively losing all the things! So, needless to say, it got pretty bad. Okay, REALLY bad!

Before I show you photos, I need to tell you that minimalism is really, really beneficial in times like these. Though my office was a nightmare, it only took about 2 hours to put it to rights again. Before I learned how to pare down, it would have taken days. Truly.

Here’s how it started this morning. I cringed just walking into this room. The kids had to walk on rice and beans (from busy bins) and climb over stuff to find their school books. I felt so claustrophobic in here.

You can totally tell kids’ personalities by their cubbies. It cracks me up every time. I have some really neat children and some, well, not so neat by nature. But once the floor was clean they all came in and tidied their shelves.

After a couple hours, I’d say it’s passable again. I would love to have less stuff in this room but we really do use the majority frequently. The books on the shelves aren’t all used every year, but I have a lot of homeschooling years left so I’m not willing to part with it all yet. But, every spring I do go through each item and decide if it’s still worth keeping. And now, at least we can walk in here and find our school stuff!

Nice, clean shelves for school. Now that everyone is feeling better, it’s back to the books. At least for the morning hours. We’re all feeling the spring fever in a big way and are loving these warm afternoons.

Nature is calling and we must go! But, when we do hit the books at least we can FIND the books!

Mamas, this is your encouragement. Just do something. Pick a room, grab a garbage bag, broom, and a donate box. Clean it out and make it usable. And if, like me, you are feeling buried because of circumstances, take heart. You can get there a bit at a time! It feels so good in our office again!

Back to School?

The Back to School sales are everywhere. The new notebooks, pencils, markers, and backpacks are colorful and inviting in the store aisles. Parents are gearing up for the fall schedules.

As we walked through the store yesterday, both Andrew and I commented on how much we love brand new school supplies. Neither of us were sure exactly what we love about them, but there’s something that draws us in and makes us want to purchase all the new things.

Seeing it all made me think of how thankful I am that we homeschool. We get to do it our way. We get to choose everything, from subjects to extracurricular activities, to how much time we spend in the car. And, best of all, we GET TO keep our kids home.

I hear so many parents say they can’t wait until school starts again and they can get their kids out of their hair. They can’t wait to drop them off or send them off on the bus. It makes me sad to hear it.

There is no greater joy for me than the fact that I get to have kids with me everyday. I don’t have to get them up at 5:30am to catch a bus and not see them again until 4pm. I don’t have to wonder what they are being taught or what behaviors they are picking up.

And, as so many are ramping up and preparing for crazy schedules, early morning fights, and hours of car time every week, we can sit back and relax and start school when it works for us. I don’t have to jump into the rat race and put that pressure on my kids.

Last year we didn’t start school until October because our garden was going crazy and I was in the midst of canning and freezing and handing out amazing vegetables. So, that was our school for September.

This year, there’s not much happening in our flooded garden so we can start school earlier. But the great thing is, I get to still decide. My older ones will start and I’ll get them established in a routine and then I’ll add the younger ones. We usually start with two subjects and slowly add more into we’re getting through it.

That’s part of the beauty of homeschooling. There are so many beautiful things about it, but choosing our schedules is a big one for me.

My kids have time to play, read, sit, bike, sew, train horses, and be in theater because I make sure we have margin in our schedule. I say no to a lot of good things so we can have dinner together and wake up slowly in the mornings.

Our society decided long ago that we had to be on this rigid schedule and train people to be laborers and government school with bells ringing and scheduled everything was an easy way to train that. If you went through public school you know you were taught to comply.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can go against the grain and pave our own way. A way that’s healthier and better for our kids so they can grow up to be critical thinkers, know they have a choice, and confident in their gifts and talents.

Be encouraged, mamas. You get to set the pace! You get to say no! You get to have your kids home and decide when and what! It’s not the easy path, but it is the good one.

Look carefully the how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16

First Day of School!

It’s that time of year again. There’s a cool crispness in the morning air, the plants are finishing their jobs, the days are getting shorter, and the sweatshirts have been pulled out of the closet. And, everyone is going back to school. About a month ago I saw dozens and dozens of back-to-school photos from friends, public and homeschool alike. Smiling faces, holding signs and backpacks.

I didn’t post anything at that time because we weren’t starting school. We were deep in garden chores and canning and there was no time for school books. But, I know my kids were learning a lot! Even the two year old can identify numerous plants and bugs. Just yesterday, she pointed out a cricket and one of her brothers tried to tell her it was a grasshopper. She was right, it was a cricket. She’s also very proficient at finding the tomato plants to grab herself a snack.

I decided this year the garden needed to be put to bed before school started. Last year we attempted to do both and it was so stressful. We’ve worked diligently all of September, slowly ripping plants out of the garden and feeding them to the goats, who are bulking up quite nicely for winter off their feast.

Yesterday, we pulled out our next season’s routine and it was great! The kids were ready to start, I was ready to start, and everyone had fun and learned something new. We even added a news subscription called World Watch News this year. It’s a great way to get the news in without all the propaganda, biased opinions, and slants we find these days. And, it’s kid friendly!

First day! Olivia is my teacher’s helper this year! She loves working with the little ones.

Starting school got me thinking about what I do to help me feel successful in our school routine. There’s a few things over the past years that I’ve developed into routine that have helped immensely. I thought I’d share them with you.

First, I almost always find a two to three day stretch to get away with a couple friends to do some uninterrupted planning. I look forward to this time every summer. It’s really hard to squeeze it in with the garden and all the projects we try to accomplish but it’s so important. I’ve had summers where I haven’t been able to go and it really puts stress on me throughout the rest of the season because I have to then squish my planning into tiny segments, an afternoon here, an evening there.

Always make sure you have a pretty planner and lots of colored pens!

This past summer, like usual, four of us went to a friend’s lake cabin. The setting is beautiful, the cabin comfortable, and the company perfect. If you want to plan a planning weekend, please know the people you choose to go with you are so important. You need people who can be quiet for long stretches of time, who can dig into their own planning or projects without your constant advice, people who are comfortable and secure in their own skin so when they see you doing something different from them they don’t freak out. Choose friends who know how to laugh and be silly too, because you need those moments where you go on a field trip to the local dairy and pick out the weirdest cheese you can find and then go back and all try it together, only to find yourself gagging and rolling on the floor laughing because your friend is running for the garbage.

~The only photo I have from our weekend away. We definitely took breaks to play games and have fun~

I try to set aside time the rest of the summer to finish up my planning and ordering as well. Those times are usually short little moments. Most of the time I have to get up early to get it done when the house is still quiet. That was much harder this past summer because of our sweet little baby. I call babies speed bumps. They disrupt the flow of my routine and things are off for a while. And that’s okay! I know it’s a season and I’ll get back to my early mornings eventually.

About a month ago, I did something I haven’t done before and I’ll definitely be doing it again! I felt a nudge from the Lord to plan a half day retreat for homeschool moms. I had been praying about feeling so overwhelmed this last summer and He prompted me to do this. I thought, well that’s strange, Lord. I’m telling you I feel overwhelmed because of all the things I need to do and you’re telling me to add something else to my schedule. Well, okay. I ran it past a good friend and she thought it sounded wonderful so I put it out there. I asked the Lord to bring the ladies He wanted there and He did!

It was so cool, because as I was praying about it and put it out to our homeschool group, I had seven names in mind. Those seven ladies were the ones who responded! It was a reminder from the Lord that He hears and knows and has perfect plans.

It was the most refreshing morning. We had a great time in God’s Word and chatting about homeschooling and motherhood. It was full of encouragement, rejuvenation for the soul, and uplifting stories. I think we all walked away filled up and not just from the yummy lunch! I know I walked away with a changed perspective and the overwhelming feelings had greatly diminished. God is good!

Homeschooling isn’t easy, but neither are other school choices for our kids. I’m so thankful I get to homeschool and I’m so thankful I can do the things that help me feel successful, even if it’s just presetting the coffeepot the night before!

One Word

We had our first day of school yesterday! The two oldest had to start college classes, Olivia started her online classes, although Zoom was having a lot of trouble because of all the online classes starting yesterday, and Elliot started Challenge B for Classical Conversations.

So, I decided that the rest of the kids should start too. We didn’t do much, and really the day didn’t really go as I envisioned!

After the boys got out the door, I left with Elliot to drop him off. Then I met a friend for coffee. We both have 10 kids and just get this life we’re in! It’s so good to talk with someone who really knows what it’s like to manage a really large family everyday and try to coordinate and follow their schedules.

I glanced at the time and it was 11:40!! I guess we had a lot to catch up on! I had to race home to get Olivia on her first class.

When I got home my kids had had lunch, cleaned it up and put the little one down for nap! They had also read and done math on their own! The big kids had even helped the little ones read their practice books!  I could get used to that kind of first day.

We did a little project in the afternoon and then swam in our pool with some friends.

It was a good first day. Not at all the way I planned or thought it would go, but it was good.

I’m not really one for big events or even having a tradition of doing the same thing every first day. Some years we just crack down and get started.

But I might just have to continue the tradition of mom going out for coffee on the first day. Getting that boost and reminder of how good it all is, was so helpful!

This summer as I’ve been praying and thinking about our school year, the Lord keeps giving me one word: Consistency.

The big events and traditions can be fun and there’s nothing wrong with them, but what happens in between those is way more important.

Are we being consistent? Are we diligently working on our school work? Are we puffing away and making progress weekly?

We almost always have other things in our week that take away our time for school. We rarely get 5 days in and thats ok. The other things we do are important too. We need time with friends, time for appointments, time to decompress. But if we can be careful with our time and choose wisely what we say yes to, then we still have enough time for school work too.

This year, the theme is consistency. Just keep at it, keep working, pick up where we left off. And part of being consistent, is being very careful with our time and what we say yes to. The reality is that it’s difficult to maintain everyone’s schedules in a big family and having a big family takes a lot of time. Everyone needs something and everyone is at different levels.

Taking some time for me is also important. If I’m not recharged daily,I have nothing to give my kids. So, my part in being consistent is getting up early and spending time reading Scripture and praying. It changes and alters my heart, mind, and soul, and aligns me with what God wants me to focus on for that day. It’s amazing how if I spend time in God’s Word, whatever comes my way is manageable but if I don’t I feel harried and worried. So, my consistency is being with Jesus everyday.

For my kids it means working on what God has given them. That math that’s difficult? Let’s do it, work hard and push through. That paper that needs to be written? Let’s find a way to enjoy it and get it done.

And, as a family, it means making sure we spend time together and unplugged from technology. After having gone to our cabin where technology wasn’t possible, we saw such a deep deep need to unplug regularly. So, somehow in the crazy busy life, we need to unplug weekly and actually look in the eye the people God has given us right here.

Also, as a family we want to consistently spend time with good friends. People who speak wisdom, people who love Jesus, people who build us up and encourage us, and those who we can do the same for.

Your consistency may look really different from ours. You may have different focuses, but the important thing is to discover what God does want you to focus on and be consistent in them. I encourage you to take some time to pray over all the activities, curriculum, and outside forces vying for your time and really choose wisely. You cannot be consistent if you are over booked. It just won’t work.

This morning I read in 1 Corinthians 15, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.” And verse 58: “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you.”

By His grace we are changed. We can be consistent and diligent because of the effects of His grace. And because of His grace we can stand firm. We can say no to those things that just take away time and don’t add value to our lives.

May He guide, direct, and bless your day and your school year and help you be consistent!

I choose…

We have been in one of the busiest seasons of our lives this fall. As Andrew and I were talking about it the other night, we related it to when Maddie and Evie were born. We brought tiny twin girls into our family with a 20 month old, a 3 1/2 year old, and two 6 year olds. Let that sink in. We had six kids under the age of 7 with two sets of twins. That was, needless to say, an insanely busy time of life.

We’ve hit that level of busyness again. It looks a little different today than it did eleven years ago, but it feels the same. Thank the Lord for teens who are willing to help A LOT. Thank the Lord Andrew and I are a team, even if we are busy on our own playing fields.

Andrew has hit an unprecedented busy season at work. A new computer operating system, inventory, and more houses going up than ever before. We’re not complaining, don’t get me wrong! We know we are abundantly blessed that Andrew has a steady job where he’s needed and valued. It’s a great thing, a fruitful thing. It’s also very very taxing when you are that busy.

Elliot got a part in a local community theater play. A large part. It’s been so good, educational, and fun for him. It’s also been crazy busy. We live 20 minutes from the theater, practices are four nights a week for two to three hours, and we’re about to start the nine performances this Wednesday. Yes, NINE! I’m so proud of him and so ready for it to be over all at the same time!

The oldest two are always busy with work, school, friends, and though I can still count on them, they aren’t always around. We’ve often said, if only Elliot could drive! And we have four drivers already!!

The little ones still need attention daily and sometimes I feel guilty they aren’t getting what they need from me. Olivia, Evie and Maddie often read to the little ones, put Lukas down for naps, and help them with their school work. It’s a blessing to have such smart, capable girls in the house! But, again, mom guilt creeps in and tells me I should be the one doing all the things, not having my kids do them.

Last, but certainly not least, are all my creative outlets. I love to write, though I haven’t been on my blog in a while due to pure craziness. I love making my signs and have plenty of business with them, which again, is a true blessing. Finding time to do it all is the hard part! I’ve also been writing for the local newspaper for about 8 months now, which is enjoyable, yet another thing. I feel like I need these things in my life because I have a need to be creative and productive outside of homeschooling.

Oh, yeah, let’s not forget trying to homeschool each day, along with tutoring every Monday! I love having my kids at home with me, I love the challenges we get to work through each day and the things we get to learn together. It’s time consuming though. Very time consuming! There is nothing more eternal or impactful, though, than that time I spend with these kids and I wouldn’t trade it.

In the midst of it all I have a choice. I can choose to be crabby. I can choose to look at it all as a burden. I can get frustrated with everyone because I’m stressed (which I do sometimes).

Or I can make a different choice. I can choose to be thankful. You know, years ago, when I was battling depression, my therapist told me to write down three things everyday that I was thankful for. Do you know, that changed my whole perspective and outlook on life? I’m not exaggerating. I wasn’t necessarily a pessimist before that time, although I was during the depression. But forcing myself to think on things to be thankful for caused my whole mindset to shift.

Now I can much more easily see the silver lining in the clouds. I am thankful for Andrew’s job and that it’s busy and he’s needed there. I’m thankful Elliot has discovered a passion and gift. I’m thankful I can be creative. I’m thankful my kids are learning life skills helping me at home. I’m thankful my oldest are learning to stand on their own two feet and are becoming amazing men. I’m thankful we have the freedom to homeschool.

There’s always a choice. In the midst of this crazy busy season, I choose joy and thankfulness. It’s not always easy. There are days when I lose my cool. There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed and face everything life is about to throw at me. But, I still choose.

I choose to be thankful.

Failure

Ever feel like a failure as a home schooling mom? Yeah, I know you do. I know because I see it as the most common post in homeschooling FB sites I’m part of. I know because I feel it too. Almost everyday. Some days more than others. This week has been one of those weeks. Everyday there has been something to knock me down.

Something telling me, “you aren’t cut out for this. You are not smart enough. Your kids will never make it if you teach them at home.”

This week it’s been coming at me from every side. Bad grades being exposed. Kids not telling me they are struggling so I think everything is fine only to find out it’s utter disaster. One prayed for God to help them get caught up to the other kids in band. I thought said child was doing fine. I look at ACT tests, colleges, tech schools, and think we’ll never get there. They will never do well enough to get in. And if they do get in, they’ll struggle so much they’ll want to quit. And it’s all because of me and my shortcomings.

I don’t really know the answer to this feeling. I know that part of it is a lie from the devil. He wants me to believe I’m not capable. He wants me to believe I should give up now before it’s too late. He wants me to believe that if we just had more money to put the kids into all sorts of activities then they’d be fine. He wants me to believe that a different curriculum or a different method will be better. He wants me to keep chasing the next best thing. I know that he’s trying to get me to believe his lies and, thankfully, I know how to fight him. But even still, it’s hard.

It’s so hard not to get caught up in it, thinking this is the end of the world and because there’s a bad grade or even a failed class my kids will never be successful. It’s hard to not compare to others around me.

But I wonder if part of it is conviction too. Not the lie that I’m not capable, but the feeling that maybe I’m not doing enough. Is there, somewhere in there, some conviction from the Lord? Is he trying to wake me up out of my apathy and remind me to keep on keeping on? Is there a still, small whisper in the midst of the screaming lies that’s telling me to push a little harder than I did before?

I don’t know, maybe. I know I waste time sitting on FB on the couch. I know I am uninterested sometimes in getting to school, again, for the umpteenth day. So maybe He is trying to nudge me just a little.

I also know that in the midst of the loud, consistent lie that I’m not enough and not doing enough, Jesus whispers truth. If I would just stop to listen, I’d hear it. And I have heard it this week. He has been reminding me that he loves me and He loves my children more than even I do.

I saw this quote on FB today:

Image may contain: one or more people, text and outdoor

 

I felt like Jesus was speaking loud and clear in that moment. And because I read that quote, reminders of how great my kids are came rushing at me. I was reminded how much they love others and how hard they work. I was reminded of how one of them knows just when I need a hug. I thought about how they can make me laugh, how they love to learn new things and are willing to be daring. They are extraordinary people with gifts and talents that are just beginning to emerge.

We’ve been reading through Matthew as a family. The image of Jesus walking, talking, teaching, loving is so vivid as you read His words. I think about what He did while He was on earth and how He impacted people around Him. It wasn’t all about academics and good test grades. It was about love.

Does that make the feeling go away completely? No. It doesn’t. Let’s be real. I will probably still feel like a failure. I will probably still question what I’m doing and if it’s good enough. I will probably want to give up, sometimes daily. I’ll probably still get all worked up over bad grades and missed assignments.

Yesterday I had to wait a few hours to have a talk with one of our kids. I think the Lord gave me those few hours as a gift. I started out really upset and I know I wouldn’t have handled the situation in that moment well. As the time went on, thoughts came to me of how great said child is and how far they’ve come. There were times not too far in that past that were so much worse than this moment. In those few hours, being able to think and ponder on that changed my heart immensely. Suddenly the bad grade wasn’t the end-all, it was just a moment in a series of moments. I was able to see more clearly that getting angry really wasn’t even worth it.

By the time I had the chance to talk it out with this child, it was a calm conversation. A conversation filled with love and with me being able to tell this child all the amazing traits I see in him/her. I was able to tell said child how important he/she was to me and how the grades are so much less important than our relationship.

Did I just let it all slide? No, there was plan put in action with work to be done. There was a consequence of less friend time, but it was all done in love and calm discussion. I can’t say it always happens that way. I thank God for those few hours He gave me so I could calm down and see long term.

Maybe some of my kids won’t get into college. Maybe some will be C students all their school years. Maybe some will graduate top of their class. Who knows? The reminder this week, for me, is that it’s not everything. School, classes, grades, colleges, scholarships…they aren’t everything. Are they important? Sure, of course. But they aren’t everything.

Am I good enough? Is what I’m doing enough? I guess in that I just need to keep bringing it back to the Lord and asking Him what my kids need, instead of asking the world or trying to keep up or compare. Easier said than done, I know. But we’ve got to start somewhere. Maybe I need to do more, maybe not. I’m going to try to trust that the Lord will sort that one out for me. I’m going to say, right now, “Devil, not today. I’m not going to get sucked into your lies. I’m not going to be knocked down by you. I’m going to believe Jesus when He says He loves me and my kids.” He knows just what we need, each and every one of us.