Desired Haven Farm

Image courtesy of hisheavenlyarmies.com

 

The other day I was thinking, “What in the world am I going to write about? Life seems to be flowing along fairly smoothly, what would I need to share?” Ha! Why would I ever wonder? Something always comes along, something always happens. That’s life, right? And then I think, wow, I bet there are other moms out there going through this very thing. I bet they feel as alone and discouraged as me sometimes. Guess what? You’re not alone. You’ve got this very imperfect mama to walk along with you. I don’t have the answers, but I’ll put my arm around your shoulders and say, “I get it. I’m there too.”

Have you ever in your life recognized a sin that just keeps cropping up and you just can’t seem to shake it? We’ve been having the same trouble with one of our kids since he could speak. And he loves to speak. He has a propensity to lie and it has been there as long as I can remember. They come quick and easy and he’s believable. Sometimes I don’t think he’s doing it to be mean or hurtful, it’s just so easy. Other times I think he just wants to avoid a lecture or consequence. And then there’s times I think it’s methodically thought through, but those are few and far between. Mostly, he just has a gift for words and speech and hasn’t fully learned to use it wisely yet.

The problem is, though, that when he lies it makes me feel like dirt. It makes me feel hurt and as if he doesn’t care one bit about our relationship. It makes me angry and frustrated and sad. It makes me cry. And it makes it really, really hard to trust anything that comes out of his mouth.

Yesterday evening I discovered something he had lied straight to my face about. I was so furious I couldn’t do anything but stomp around the house and cry. I wanted to scream! We’d just been through this a couple weeks ago. I thought the talks then had sunk in, but no, here we were all over again! He was lucky he wasn’t around at the time. I know full well had he been home anger and hate and cruel words would have issued forth from my mouth unchecked and then I would have had things to regret too.

But I had a few hours to think, pray, and cool off a bit. I also asked some close friends to pray, because I had no idea how to even deal with it.

When he got home we talked late into the night and I came to this realization. This child has been given some very powerful and unique gifts from the Lord. I know I wouldn’t have come to that conclusion in the midst of anger. I needed time to see it. This kid genuinely loves people, all people. He loves to be with people, he loves to joke and talk and socialize with others. And he has a gift for words and speech. And maybe most powerful of all, he has the ability to influence others very easily.

God is so good to reveal gifts in the midst of hardship! All too often, I look at the negative. But because God ordained my evening to go the way it did, giving me time to think and calm down, I saw things I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. I saw the good in my child. I saw the gifts God gave him to use for His kingdom. And I shared that with my child.

I told him, “I don’t know God’s plan for you and your future, but with the gifts he’s given you, it’s something big. He’s got huge plans for you in His kingdom work. We may not know it yet but He’ll reveal it in His time. For now you have to realize that God knows those plans and that’s why he gave you the gifts He did. The problem is Satan sees those gifts too and he’ll do whatever he can to stop you from living for God. There is a massive war waging right now for your heart and your future. And every time you lie, you let Satan have a little more of the battle.”

Don’t think we didn’t talk through the lying and consequences too. Oh, that happened. Rest assured. But ending our conversation focused on the fact that God has a plan for him changed his perspective and mine.

Remember, there is a war waged for your children’s hearts and futures. Each of your children was placed in your family very purposefully. Each of them was given gifts that need to be honed and trained so they are used for His glory and not theirs. Each of them has a purpose on this earth.

Fight the war.

Go to battle for your children.

Teach them how to battle.

Don’t let Satan have their hearts.

 

 

Ephesians 6: 10-13

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Sweet moments. These are the things I, as a mom, live for. I love my kids. I love them dearly. But sweet moments don’t come very often. Most days are fairly mundane and routine. Feed kids, hear them complain. Dole out chores, hear some more complaining. Send them outside for their good and my sanity. Do a bedtime routine. Repeat.

But, ah, those sweet moments. When you see the pure joy in your child’s face and know that the little things you did to make their day made an impression.

Thankfully this little boy is easy to please. He has been since the day he came into this world, four years ago now. I remember that day vividly. I had waited and waited for him to come. He was two weeks over due. I was in pain because he had displaced my hips so I didn’t do much but sit in my rocker wishing for labor to start. He was 9 pounds 13 ounces and I felt all of that as he came into this world. And to top it off he came in the middle of a snow storm, in the middle of the night. Thank the Lord my midwife lived close by!

But even though that labor wasn’t easy, he has been such an easy, sweet child. I’d say 95% of the time he is cheerful, smiling, and happy to go along with the crowd. He’s easy to love and please, I guess you could say.

So, as his birthday approached, I thought, oh this will be easy. Should be a piece of cake 😉

He told me for months he wanted a Lightning McQueen birthday. Perfect, I thought. There’s plenty of Cars toys and birthday items out there. That’ll be quick and easy and he’ll be happy.

Then four days before his party, as I was making my grocery list, I wanted to confirm the Lightning McQueen theme. He looked at me as if I was from another planet, scrunched his cute little face and said, “Uh, no Mom, I want a blue dinosaur party.” He said it as if he was saying, “Where have you been, Mom? Have you not been following my thought train here?”

Ok, massive gear switch. Blue dinosaur parties aren’t exactly as popular as Lightning McQueen, but we made it work. Good thing they make that disgusting blue frosting and sell it at Target. Good thing there’s Pinterest! And good thing I have kids who are creative.

My kids began to draw blue dinosaurs and hang them all over the dining room. They were so excited to make David’s day special for him.

I can’t say my cake was a masterpiece but it was fun and my kids thought it was “AMAZING!” as they put it. So glad my kids’ standards aren’t as perfectionistic as mine!

As we sang Happy Birthday and he blew out his candle with a huge smile, I knew I had succeeded in giving him a special day. And it made my day special. So often I forget that even the little things can make such a difference for someone. All too often I think it has to be extravagant or expensive, but showing we love someone can be small and simple and totally free even.

It makes me think about Jesus and the sweet moments he wants to give us throughout our days. Do we notice? Do we get a big smile and say thank you as genuinely as a four year old? Do we recognize that it’s Him giving generously and freely of himself over and over or do we chalk it up to coincidence? And then, do we in turn give freely of ourselves, putting others above ourselves and watching their face light up with joy?

Mamas, these days can be long and tiresome. But look for those sweet moments that bring our kids such joy. And make those sweet moments happen, even if it’s simple. It could just make their day….and yours.

 

Image: racelessgospel.com

 

 

Remember that old nursery rhyme:

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.

Or maybe you recall reciting this one on the playground:

I’m rubber, you’re glue,
Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!

 

As you may remember last week I shared a scary event that took place (read about it here Super Mom, I am not…), and in there I mentioned I realized that a lot of the problem was stemming from my own handling of situations….especially my words.

I have been so convicted about how I speak to my kids lately. I tend to answer in a frustrated or condescending tone, and, not surprisingly, I hear them speaking to each other in the same manner.

Just today I stopped one of my kids because of their tone of voice. He said, “I wasn’t trying to be mean.” He probably wasn’t, but it sounded so condescending. I realized this is such a habit of mine and it’s become such a habit of theirs that we don’t even know how harsh we sound anymore.

Sometimes, after I’ve spouted off something negative or harsh to my kids it hits me how mean I really sounded. I think, would I want someone to speak to me that way? How would I feel? What if my husband responded to my question of “Can you help me?” with a sigh and a frustrated, “I suppose.” I would be crushed and angry. I would be sure he didn’t want to help me at all.

Yet it pours out of my mouth on a daily basis. Frustrated answers, exasperated sighs, and condescending, “can’t you do it?” or “are you helpless?”. I’m not proud of it, let me tell you. I’m just being real. This is what actually comes out of my mouth.

I’ve been pondering why a lot over the last couple weeks. I don’t really have a good answer for that other than my own selfishness and sinful heart.

This last Sunday in church we sang a song that so touched this nerve in me. So often, music has a way of piercing my heart and showing me what I need.

Here’s the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKw6uqtGFfo

“I’m a child of God, yes I am.
In my Father’s house there’s a place for me.
I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who you say I am.
You are for me, not against me. I am who you say I am.”

Who does God say my children are? Am I speaking those words to my children? Or am I speaking negativity and frustration and disappointment to them?

Oh, Jesus, forgive me.

How often have I called my child lazy, rude, naughty, mean? Are they those things? Sometimes.

But they are so much more and they need to know it. This world will knock my children down plenty. I don’t need to be a part of that.

So who does God say my children are?

John 1:12 A child of God

James 1:5 My child has access to God’s wisdom

Romans 5:11 My child is reconciled to God. 

Romans 5:19 My child has Christ’s righteousness.

Colossians 1:14 My child is completely forgiven.

Jeremiah 31:3. My child is tenderly loved by God.

Colossians 1:22 My child is blameless and beyond reproach.

Matthew 5:14 My child is the light to the world.

Ephesians 1:1 My child is a saint.

Colossians 3:12 My child is chosen by God, holy and dearly loved. 

Colossians 2:7 My child is firmly rooted and built up in Christ. 

1 Corinthians 2:16 My child has the mind of Christ. 

Colossians 1:13 My child has been rescued from Satan’s domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ.

2 Timothy 1:7 My child has been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. 

2 Peter 1:4 My child has been given great and precious promises. 

John 1:12, 1 Timothy 6:15 My child is a prince/princess in God’s kingdom. 

1 Corinthians 6:19,20 My child has been bought with a price and belongs to God.

Philippians 3:20 My child is a citizen of heaven.

Philippians 4:13 My child can do anything through Christ who gives strength.

Photo courtesy of Angela Decoux

 

And for me, maybe the most important one that I need to remember while raising teens: Philippians 1:6, which reminds me that the good work Christ started in my child will be perfected.

I think I need to print this list off and hang it in my house and remind myself and my children who we are in Christ! What wonderful promises and positive images He gives!

Who’s with me in speaking life to our children this week and seeing how it changes all our attitudes?

 

Sometimes I think it’s crazy that we have nine kids. In this day and age it’s a lot of kids for one family. Let’s face it…the norm is two, maybe three. Even four seems like a lot to many people. I know my sister has gotten comments about having four kids. She just laughs, thinking to herself, this is nothing, you should see my sister’s family!

When Andrew and I got married some friends asked us how many kids we wanted. We were 18 and 22 and hadn’t really thought about our family in depth. Jokingly we both said, “Five!” Then laughed and laughed that we both thought five and didn’t know it about the other!

Then when we had our first two, twin boys, we decided maybe two was enough. We never thought kids would be so difficult! And we always figured I’d go back to work and the kids would go to daycare and school. I spent a long time sending out resumes with no responses and soon found myself longing for another baby. Okay, maybe we’ll have 3…

It’s not like it just snowballed from there. We struggled with how many kids we should have on and off over the years (I’ll tell you that story sometime soon). There were times we thought we were done and there were words from others that were hurtful and hard to take. Not many support the idea of a large family anymore, but thankfully we have those around us that have and do.

Well, fast forward a few years and a few kids later. Here we are at nine kids, pretty awesome kids if  I do say so myself!

But, if you know anything about me, I like even numbers. Silly I know. But I do. Andrew teases me about it all the time; that and the fact that I need the stripes in the comforter straight when I make the bed.

So…..

 

This summer Andrew and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage, a nice even number.

And….shortly after that we’ll add baby number 10! Again, a nice even number 🙂

Crazy? Maybe.

Happy? Absolutely.

Abundantly blessed by our awesome Creator, the One who created this new being to be a part of this family and this world at this time? There’s no doubt.

So there you have it, 10 kids in 20 years. I figure, may as well stick with what we’re good at, right?! And it’s not too far off from what we said the day after our wedding. It’s just five AND five!