desiredhavenfarm

Slow Growth

In the warmth of the sun but the cool of the wind, I was cleaning my flower bed. Crouched down near the freshly emerging plants, I swept corn husks from every corner and from under every plant. I peeked under the mulch where I knew hostas had been, excited to see their tiny green spears about to thrust into the light. I watched the bleeding hearts bob and dance in the wind, cheerful to just be there. As I meandered through the flowers, pulling grass I found my Jacob’s Ladder blooming and softly said, well hello there!

I realize it’s not March, but I love this quote. It’s so true of Minnesota spring.

I realized there in the garden that I’ve turned into my mom. Putzing in the garden, talking to the plants, enjoying every moment.

Taking time to slow down is not in my nature. I’m all German…we walk fast, work fast, push others to move fast. It can be really helpful in many ways. But I’m learning (slowly) to slow down. To just be in the moment and enjoy it.

The kids and I “finished” school about 10 days ago. I decided, we’ve done enough for the season and it’s time for a new season. There have been many years where I’ve attempted to push through more bookwork while at the same time starting the garden and doing all the outside projects spring brings. But this year I’ve felt so overwhelmed so frequently that I knew I needed to do something different.

The beauty of homeschooling is that we can slow down, we can set aside books for other things. We get to choose how we teach our kids. School is honestly never really finished in our home. We just teach in different ways in different seasons. My kids learn more from gardening than from their books. They can identify plants, bugs, soil needs. They know when produce is ripe and how to pick it. They know how to prepare it for a delicious meal too!

Choosing to slow down and not do so much allows all of us time to process and think. It allows what we’ve learned to be mulled over and moved to long term memory. And it gives us time to breathe and see God in the midst of our days.

I’m not good at slowing down. I often feel rushed even when I’m sitting, reading a book. But I’m trying hard to push past that and slow. If you don’t have a garden, plant one! Everyone needs to put their hands in the dirt and watch things grow. Everyone should tarry over the flowers and sit in awe at things growing. A friend recently told me, “plants just want to grow; they were created to grow and they want to.” It’s so simple and yet so profound.

So, since spring is here, set aside the books and get outside. Show your kids the flowers, breathe the fresh air, watch the leaves emerge from the trees. And thank God for growth, spring, beauty, warmth, and that He created things to grow! Including us!

The Meeting of the Dumpster

I thought I’d share a funny, light hearted story with you. I hope you get as many laughs and as much pleasure out of it as I have.

Some friends and I have been collecting plastic for Trex as a project. In the end, you get a free Trex bench.

It was my turn to collect from the local food shelf. So Steph and I hopped in Bertha and ran over to the food shelf. I parked alongside the docking area where there’s a convenient lift. I lined up my side doors with the lift and thought, I’ll just go in, put all the plastic on the lift, and lower it to the van.

I went inside and found there was no plastic in the bin. Okay, I thought, that makes my job easy.

I returned to the van to head out. Directly in front of the van was an asphalt ramp that lead up to the door of the building so I couldn’t drive forward. No big deal. I’ve backed Bertha up plenty of times. I didn’t even think twice about what I had to do.

I hopped in, threw it in reverse, watched my back up camera and started going backwards.

Suddenly I heard a loud, “SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH!”

I looked at Steph, she looked at me.

“What was that?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she answered with a shrug.

I backed up a tiny bit more.

“SCREEEEEEEEECH!”

I threw it in park, utterly confused, and got out. I walked around the back of the van to discover I had scraped along a dumpster. The pole that protrudes from the front edge. You know the one the garbage truck grabs to lift the dumpster.

Ok, weird, I thought. I knew the dumpster was there. I really didn’t think I was that close. How in the world did manage that?

I got back in thinking, surely I can just pull forward and away from the dumpster. I mean it’s just a pole. I start to ease forward and turn the wheel.

“SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!”

Steph just sat there looking at me completely dumbfounded. Later, when I asked her why she was looking at me so blankly, she replied, “I just couldn’t believe you had done that. I mean, I’ve driven in Bertha with you countless times and you handle that thing like a beast. I just couldn’t process how you’d done that!”

I said, “Steph, can you get out and just tell me when I’m away from the dumpster so I can pull away from it?”

She hops out and stands alongside the van.

“Ok, back up and turn your tires this way.” She points and directs.

I try it. “SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!”

“Nope! Ok, forward and go this way!” She points again.

“SCREEEEEEEEECH!”

There’s nothing quite like the sound of metal on metal.

I get out again and go back to the van and dumpster. I have no idea, to this day, how I hooked my van onto that dumpster. I mean, there’s no hook! But try what I may, I could not get my van away from that dumpster. And at this point, the gouge down the side of the van was impressive.

As we stood there staring at each other with completely lost expressions, I see a car pull up. A man gets out and starts to walk to the nearby auto store. I must have been completely desperate at this point or totally hopeless because for some reason I decided to call out to this guy.

“Um, excuse me?! Can you help me get my van unhooked from this dumpster?!”

Steph whipped her head from me to the guy and back with this look that said, “I cannot believe you just did that!”

He walks over to us, looks at the van and dumpster hooked together, the gouge down the side of the van, and we two.

“Well, if you two ladies can push from that side and I pull from this side, I think we can slide the dumpster,” he quietly said.

So we heave. The dumpster moved a couple inches.

“One more time,” he said.

We heave again.

“I think that outta do it,” he said.

“Thank you,” I say out of my complete and total humiliation.

“Okay,” he replied as he turned and walked away.

Steph and I get in the van and look at each other. We giggle, then giggle some more, then look at each other and burst out in full blown, uncontrollable laughter.

I pull out my phone and text Andrew…

Thank God my husband has a sense of humor and I drive a 30 year old van!

It’s been a couple months since this happened. The embarrassment has faded just a little. But every time I drive by the food shelf and that auto shop, I wonder…”I wonder what kind of stories that guy tells about the two ladies with their van hooked to a dumpster. I wonder if there were security cameras.”

And every time I see that gouge in my van, I think about that “pregnant dumpster”!

I had shared this story with a couple friends, much to their delight. A couple weeks after, one friend texted me and said, “I just want you to know you help me get through my morning workouts every morning. I just think about your van story and laugh and it just helps me get moving!”

So, hopefully, this does the same for you. I hope it helps you know, I don’t have it all together, but I just keep going. And I find I may as well laugh at myself and let others laugh at me too!

Get After It

A workout? Exercise? Gym membership?

No thanks.

I have never liked to workout. I love being active, going on walks, working around the farm and in the garden. But going to a gym and doing a structured workout has always turned me off.

Until recently.

Unfortunately I have hit the perimenopause yuck stage in life. And I’ve felt constantly tired, weak, and unmotivated. Last summer at a park date, I heard two women talking about their workouts and how much they love it and how good they feel. I couldn’t stop thinking about their attitude towards it and wondering why and how they could possibly “love it”.

Well, fast forward a bit and I got together with one of them, who has turned into a fast friend. I asked her about working out and her loving it and she eagerly told me all about the program she does. I decided, well, it’s worth a try.

I did the free two week trial and was hooked. I’ve been working out for over five months now and can’t believe how much stronger I feel. It’s not always easy. Do I want to get up early and push my body while I fight yawns? Definitely not. But I’m finding the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice!

I’m here to tell you what I wish I had known ten years ago: Get after it, ladies!

I wish someone in her 40’s would have told the 30 something year old me to get after it. To start before perimenopause snuck in and took over. My only regret with working out is not starting years ago.

But, at least I’m doing it! Do something everyday, especially strength training. Give your body, mind, and spirit that gift. Believe me, it spills into every part of life, making you stronger and more diligent in everything.

Here’s me all sweaty and worn out with my workout buddy who’s only job is to steal my Pilates ball!

Every six weeks I do a Benchmark Test. I’m getting stronger and stronger every time! And while some of the numbers haven’t gone up much, I added weights or lowered the elevation so they are actually more difficult moves.

Even if you are like me and have never ever wanted to do structured workouts, just do it! Make yourself do it! I just had a conversation with one of my kids about how sometimes in life we just have to do hard things even when we don’t want to because they are necessary and good for us. Please hear me when I say, strength training IS necessary for you! I won’t get into all the scientific stuff, but women lose 40% of their muscle mass in their 40’s if they don’t workout. That brings on all sorts of problems later in life!

Do it for yourself! Do it for your kids! I want to be active and able to keep up with my kids and grandkids for a long time to come so I’m doing what I can now to accomplish that future goal.

The Most Important Work

I overheard this conversation a couple days ago…

Lady addressing two young boys: “What have you been up to with no school today?”

Before the boys could answer, Mom answers: “Going crazy!”

Lady: “Oh I’m sure. I bet you can’t wait until tomorrow!”

It made my heart sink to watch. The two boys shrunk and didn’t say anything. Then one piped up and said, “Well I WANT to go to school anyway.”

Maybe he does like school, but I could tell it was a bit of a rebuttal against the adult’s comments.

Moms, Dads, let’s not talk like this about our children, in front of our children. Let’s do better. Let’s be better. Let’s show our kids better.

Our society portrays kids as a burden, a stress, and an inconvenience. Many can’t wait to push their kids off on others or school and look at holidays and summers as just something to get through. There’s nothing wrong with having a break from our kids, don’t get me wrong. I need them and enjoy them.

We simply don’t ever need to make our children feel like a burden or as if they are unwanted. They are always watching and listening. They are learning how to relate to others and someday their own children by what we model. When we make comments like “I can’t wait until they go back to school” we’re speaking loudly about what we think of taking care of and spending time with our children. And they pick up on that.

C.S. Lewis very wisely stated, “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”

If you choose to have children, remember they are little human beings that you have to raise to be big human beings. They someday have to relate to the rest of the world in some capacity and they learn from mom and dad more than anyone else in their lives.

What you say matters. How you spend time with them matters. Talking about them as a frustration teaches them something just like talking about them as a blessing teaches them.

Children are tough, don’t get me wrong. It’s not for the faint of heart to raise them up in the way they should go. But it is totally worth if it you stick to it. All of a sudden you have these amazing adults that count you as a friend, hug you when they see you with a big grin on their face, and are kind and generous to the world around you.

Believe me when I say, it’s worth it. When my adult boys hug me and say “Hi, Mom” or “I love you, Mom” I have to choke back tears. Every time. Did I do it all perfectly? Definitely not. Did I show them they were worth it and I loved them and they were a blessing not a burden? Yes. At least enough for it to sink into their hearts.

Even on the hard days, let’s choose to tell our kids, “I love you” “You are a blessing” “I love spending time with you”.

Sometimes You Have to Walk Away

There are times in life when you just have to walk away. It may seem hard and those on the outside may judge you as harsh and unfeeling. Those on the inside might too. But there truly are times when it’s okay and actually healthy to walk away.

I’ve been through it. And while I don’t feel like I can share all the details on the internet, I can share some things I’ve learned. While I had to walk away, it wasn’t because I’m heartless or cruel, nor is it because I didn’t like someone. I think those things have been thrown around and they just aren’t true.

Walking away from a situation, group, or person isn’t something I take lightly. It’s not something I do facetiously. It took three years to get to the point where I had to say, enough. I did it to protect myself, my family, and my time. That may sound selfish but there have been times when I’ve given so much of myself and my time to something else that there’s nothing left to give to what matters most. For me that’s my family.

Through this I’ve learned there are people in this world who are very mentally unwell. They don’t have the emotional maturity to own up to their wrongdoings, take any responsibility for their part in things, or recognize when they’ve hurt someone. I’m not talking about your average two year old either. These are grown adults who have can’t take responsibility.

I’ve learned these people usually have a very hard past with abuse, abandonment, or trauma that they refuse to heal from or believe they can’t be healed from. They are walking around with all that baggage and it leaks like battery acid on all their relationships. I could live in that yuck – believe me, I have it. But I’ve chosen to say, that doesn’t define me. I can still choose to love those around me and be thoughtful, kind, and repentant.

I’ve also learned these people are master manipulators. I got hoodwinked for quite awhile before starting to see the lies and things that just didn’t add up. It look a long time to see all the ‘victim stories’ were really just excuses to not take ownership of their problems and find solutions. It allows them to sit in the yuck and get everyone around them to feel sorry for them and take action for them.

There’s so much more and I’ll possibly share more as time goes on.

But for now, lastly, I had to learn that it wasn’t me. These people are so so good at getting you to believe you are the crazy one, that you are the horrible friend, and that you are cruel and unkind. Their manipulation doesn’t stop at making you pity them. It continues until you feel like you must be a terrible friend because what you do is never enough for them so you try to do more and it’s still not enough. They get you to question everything because the story always changes and they try to triangulate all your other friends to ostracize you.

The blessing in all of it is this: I found out who my true friends were. The ones who came to me and said, just so you know, this is being said about you and I know it’s not true. Friends who told the manipulator, just go talk to her, she’ll listen and want to resolve whatever you think is wrong. Friends who stood up for me when I wasn’t in the room.

Unfortunately, I also found out who chose to believe all the narratives spewed about me. I won’t lie, that hurts. A lot. And I’m still trying to heal from that. When friends you’ve known and loved for most of your adult life choose to believe lies about you, it cuts deep.

I am not perfect. I’ve had to apologize to my friends. I’ve screwed up in my relationships. But I try to own it and repent. Please know, I don’t ever walk away lightly.

My walking away meant a lot of hurt for me. And probably for others as well. I’m a fixer and my desire is always to stay and make it right, probably to my own detriment sometimes. But I do have a limit. And that limit was reached after a lot of attempted conversation, prayer, attempts to make amends, and even apologize for things I hadn’t done.

It got to the point where I realized, this person isn’t healthy enough to actually fix this. No matter what I do, it’ll never be enough. So, to protect myself and my family along with other relationships, I had to say my boundary is now here and it won’t be moved.

It hasn’t been a light road. I’ve frequently contemplated if I’m just a horrible friend and don’t know how to love well. I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer, specifically asking God to reveal to me what I need to repent of. I’ve asked a couple of godly mentors to help me see the truth and to ask me the hard questions. Every time I’ve poured it all out to the Lord, he has vindicated me. He has told me clearly time and again that I’m free from fault. He has shown me in innumerable ways at just the perfect times what’s truly going on. I know that He has it all in His hands and He protects my reputation.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge^[b]—
¹⁰no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent. Psalm 91:9-10

A Little Dottie for your Day

I used to frequently post a photo of Dottie with this tagline. There’s just something about her bright, intelligent eyes, her sweet smile, and joyful demeanor that captivated people. She’s been a joy since she was born and we love her so much. These last couple months, we’ve had a lot of Dottie each day but in a very different way.

This last week I was reading the book of Joshua in my Bible plan. Over and over in that book, God says don’t be afraid, have courage, do not fear.

At one point He says “Only be very courageous!”

It was fitting, as God’s word always is. Yet, it never ceases to amaze me that it always perfectly aligns with my situation. It’s like God intimately knows!

On Wednesday, I had to face some real fear. And I praise God for these verses leading up to and even on that day.

For a couple months now our sweet Dottie has been dealing with chronic headaches. It had seemed to progress from occasionally to daily. She complained multiple times a day and became sluggish. She went back to napping daily after having not napped for a year.

I’m not one to rush to the doctor, but after two months of trying every home remedy and craniosacral work with no lasting results, I knew something was wrong.

After a couple appointments and lab work that showed she was reacting to dairy and gluten, we also scheduled an MRI. Before our appointment as I prayed and thought about it all, I knew I wanted labs and imaging. I’m thankful the pediatrician felt the same way and got things moving.

Last Friday, she had her MRI.

This last Wednesday I got a call from the pediatrician’s office. They left a message saying he wanted to meet with me that day and to call back. When I did, the assistant said that the doctor would really like both mom and dad on the video call. Nothing unnerves you quite like that comment. We had been told Friday there was nothing alarming but the results would go to our pediatrician and he’d reach out so I honestly put it at the back of my mind and didn’t think more about it.

But when they said “today” and “both mom and dad”, my heart started racing and my mind felt foggy like I couldn’t think straight. I was honestly terrified of what they were going to tell me.

And I had to fight that fear all morning as I waited for our appointment.

I had to run to the store and Ortho, which was a blessing because it kept me busy. And it was a double blessing because while at Aldi, I ran into some amazing, godly, friends. The Lord said to me in that moment, “I put them here for you”.

So I told them what was going on and how scared I felt. They prayed right there in the store with me. I felt the fear and anxiety lift and my mind clear. Thank you, Jesus!

Andrew and I figured out how to both get on the video call with some frustration and could finally talk to the doctor.

Dottie has been diagnosed with Chiari Malformation Type 1. The brain tissue is down over her brain stem too far, causing pressure. Because of the pressure the spinal fluid can’t flow freely, causing headaches.

Many have said I’m so sorry and diagnoses are so heartbreaking. But, honestly, I was just relieved to know something specific. And relieved it wasn’t a brain tumor. At least with a diagnosis, we can face it head on and research what can be done.

Right now, we’re in the gathering information stage. We don’t feel rushed to make a hurried decision because since we’ve taken dairy and gluten out of her diet, her energy level is back up and she rarely complains of headaches now. We can see how much better she feels in her face with those changes so we’re thankful the Lord has given her that relief and all of us the extra time.

The neurologist’s solution is a deconstruction surgery where they take a portion of the skull out to make more room. I recently met someone who had this surgery and found so much relief from it. I’m so thankful the Lord is placing people in our lives at just the right time to help us on this journey.

We’re talking to a lot of people right now, praying, and watching Dottie closely. She is her regular, happy, joyful, energetic self and has handled the diet change like a champ, for which we’re thankful as well.

God knows exactly what the next steps are, even if we don’t. We’re trusting His perfect plan and asking for His guidance in everything. We’re thanking Him for already answering so many prayers and giving us tangible support and reminders that He’s right here with us.

Joshua 1:5-6 Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous
Joshua 1:7 Only be very strong and courageous
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 3:7 As I was with Moses, so I will be with you

Digging Out

After three weeks of serious illness in our house, we’re finally healthy. Now it’s time to dig ourselves out!

Three weeks of illness in a large family doesn’t mean you get three weeks behind. It multiplies exponentially and quickly! If I cancelled three weeks worth of activities, playdates, appointments, and school, it’s not like I have three free weeks in which to fit it all after we’re better. Oh no, it just piles on top.

Guaranteed some things are just gone, fallen by the wayside never to be retrieved. It just happens. I got to the point where I was just happy there weren’t kids puking, piles of laundry ready to topple on me, and fresh food in the fridge again. The rest didn’t matter.

One thing that unfortunately happens is stuff gets set places, random places. Things get piled to be dealt with later and things get lost. I just found an envelope that was supposed to go in the mail a month ago…oops.

The worst of the worst is always our school room/ office space. It’s like a magnet for attracting all the things and then effectively losing all the things! So, needless to say, it got pretty bad. Okay, REALLY bad!

Before I show you photos, I need to tell you that minimalism is really, really beneficial in times like these. Though my office was a nightmare, it only took about 2 hours to put it to rights again. Before I learned how to pare down, it would have taken days. Truly.

Here’s how it started this morning. I cringed just walking into this room. The kids had to walk on rice and beans (from busy bins) and climb over stuff to find their school books. I felt so claustrophobic in here.

You can totally tell kids’ personalities by their cubbies. It cracks me up every time. I have some really neat children and some, well, not so neat by nature. But once the floor was clean they all came in and tidied their shelves.

After a couple hours, I’d say it’s passable again. I would love to have less stuff in this room but we really do use the majority frequently. The books on the shelves aren’t all used every year, but I have a lot of homeschooling years left so I’m not willing to part with it all yet. But, every spring I do go through each item and decide if it’s still worth keeping. And now, at least we can walk in here and find our school stuff!

Nice, clean shelves for school. Now that everyone is feeling better, it’s back to the books. At least for the morning hours. We’re all feeling the spring fever in a big way and are loving these warm afternoons.

Nature is calling and we must go! But, when we do hit the books at least we can FIND the books!

Mamas, this is your encouragement. Just do something. Pick a room, grab a garbage bag, broom, and a donate box. Clean it out and make it usable. And if, like me, you are feeling buried because of circumstances, take heart. You can get there a bit at a time! It feels so good in our office again!

God, our friend

Friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

So often as mothers we can feel lonely. It can be isolating to stay home and care for little ones, even when it’s what we want to do! It can be hard to have little adult interaction.

I believe God doesn’t want us to go it alone! He’s a God of relationships. In fact everything he did to sanctify us was so we could have a relationship with him. He willingly sacrificed his only son so we could be a friend of his and have a bond of mutual affection!

These last two weeks have been hard at our house. I’m on laundry load number 30 already (I usually do 15 a week). I’ve disinfected my house with bleach numerous times, washed all the bedding, scrubbed the bathrooms countless times, opened windows, washed children, and scrubbed my hands until they are raw. In the midst of it all we haven’t left the house.

While battling this nasty crud, I have a couple friends who have faithfully checked in on me daily. They have told me they are praying for us. They’ve offered to drop groceries on my doorstep. They’ve Poloed so I can see their smiling faces. They’ve asked, “how are you”, knowing full well the answer will be long and ugly. Ultimately, they have let me know they love me and care.

I’m so thankful to the Lord for good friends. Friends who want the real answer when they ask. Friends who love us and truly lift us up to our good good Father. God is so good to make sure we never truly have to go it alone, even when we’re stuck in our house.

This guy’s smile is so welcome after days of illness!

And when I can’t see my friends, I’m reminded that God is my friend, a better one than any other, and he’s near to me. I have felt as I’ve prayed for healing this week that he hasn’t heard, but I know that feeling isn’t truth. His Word tells me He hears me and answers me. And I can be thankful even in the hard that He is my closest friend.

Psalm 34:17 ESV
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Psalm 116:1 ESV
I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.

Cold Cellar Reset

Spring fever has hit! I’ve been reading gardening magazines and flower books. As the sun shines more brightly through the windows, I see the dust and grime that has accumulated over winter and I want to scrub everything. The snow is melting just a bit and the chickens are venturing outside.

Now, I know there will be more cold days and probably more snow, but for these few warm days I’ll pretend spring has sprung.

Today I tackled my cold cellar.

It needed a serious reset. While we did get some produce to store over winter, I think I was kind of scarred from the growing season and I just left it. And, well, you know what happens when you leave produce. It tends to rot.

Judge all you want, it is what it is. And so I needed to do a good deep clean. And the chickens scored big time!

My kids did a great job scooping out old carrots and throwing squash to the chickens.

Then I scrubbed shelves and reorganized! Just like that, it’s ready for another growing and canning season!

Prayerfully, this next gardening season will be more fruitful than the last! And for now, I’ll just remember it’s ok to fail, it’s ok when things don’t go the way we hoped or plan. God is always faithful, and he promises to always bring about the seasons.

Genesis 8:22 ESV
While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.”

Hard and Good

Hard days. We all have them. Often, I think as mamas we don’t like to admit them. We don’t want to appear weak, overwhelmed, tired, done. We don’t want to hear, well you choose this, you wanted kids.

Yep, I did choose this. And I’d choose it over and over and over. But, let’s be ok with saying today was hard, this week has been hard, this season has been hard. It’s ok for things to be hard and still be good. Hard doesn’t mean I don’t want this. It doesn’t mean I’d choose something else. It just means we’re human, we have physical, mental, and emotional limits. It means we need some space to recharge so we can keep going.

How has it been hard? Let me count the ways.

Andrew is three weeks into his new job and is loving it, but it’s been a big transition. The schedule is very different than we’re used to, he’s driving 100 miles a day, and he’s tired when he comes home.

We’ve been sick for 1000 years. Ok, not really, but as a mama it feels like eternity when it slowly rolls through the entire family and then a new illness takes its place.

All the cars have broken down in the last week and there is now a pile of car parts in the garage waiting to be changed out.

And to top it off, our sweet 4 year old has been suffering chronic headaches for a couple months now. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bring my kids to the doctor. But after exhausting all my knowledge and other’s knowledge and getting no results, we went to the doctor.

Turns out she has some severe food sensitivities to gluten and dairy, so let’s just add completely changing her diet to the mix.

She’s also going to have an MRI to rule out anything worse.

It’s just a lot.

I love being a mama, running our home, homeschooling, and homesteading. But it isn’t an easy path. It isn’t a glamorous life.

If you don’t have kids, just remember this image…

I was changing bed sheets, starting laundry, and mopping floors.

Doesn’t sound too abnormal for a mom?

It was 2am.

There is a song out right now called Worship Through It by Tasha Layton and, boy does it speak to my heart. Here’s the lyrics…

This looks impossible
But You’re the God of impossible
And I’ve seen your faithfulness all over my life
I need a miracle
And You’re the God of miracles
Some way, somehow You come through every time
I know my God can do it
So, I’m gonna worship through it
Before I see my breakthrough
I’m gonna choose to praise You
I will sing hallelujah to the one
Who can do what the world says can’t be done
I know my God can do it
So, I’m gonna worship through it
In the middle of my no way out
In the middle of my don’t know how
I hear You whisper to me peace be still
This is why I believe
You will deliver me
You always have and you always will
You always have and you always will
I won’t wait til the rocks cry out
I’m gonna praise You
I won’t wait till the walls come down
I’m gonna praise You
(Gonna) Lift my hands right here, right now
I’m gonna praise You
Oh God I praise You!

Source: LyricFind

Today, I choose to be thankful and worship the God of impossible. I choose to worship Him who brings me peace and miracles and deliverance. As a friend of mine always says, “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.”