desiredhavenfarm

Sweet Moments

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Sweet moments. These are the things I, as a mom, live for. I love my kids. I love them dearly. But sweet moments don’t come very often. Most days are fairly mundane and routine. Feed kids, hear them complain. Dole out chores, hear some more complaining. Send them outside for their good and my sanity. Do a bedtime routine. Repeat.

But, ah, those sweet moments. When you see the pure joy in your child’s face and know that the little things you did to make their day made an impression.

Thankfully this little boy is easy to please. He has been since the day he came into this world, four years ago now. I remember that day vividly. I had waited and waited for him to come. He was two weeks over due. I was in pain because he had displaced my hips so I didn’t do much but sit in my rocker wishing for labor to start. He was 9 pounds 13 ounces and I felt all of that as he came into this world. And to top it off he came in the middle of a snow storm, in the middle of the night. Thank the Lord my midwife lived close by!

But even though that labor wasn’t easy, he has been such an easy, sweet child. I’d say 95% of the time he is cheerful, smiling, and happy to go along with the crowd. He’s easy to love and please, I guess you could say.

So, as his birthday approached, I thought, oh this will be easy. Should be a piece of cake 😉

He told me for months he wanted a Lightning McQueen birthday. Perfect, I thought. There’s plenty of Cars toys and birthday items out there. That’ll be quick and easy and he’ll be happy.

Then four days before his party, as I was making my grocery list, I wanted to confirm the Lightning McQueen theme. He looked at me as if I was from another planet, scrunched his cute little face and said, “Uh, no Mom, I want a blue dinosaur party.” He said it as if he was saying, “Where have you been, Mom? Have you not been following my thought train here?”

Ok, massive gear switch. Blue dinosaur parties aren’t exactly as popular as Lightning McQueen, but we made it work. Good thing they make that disgusting blue frosting and sell it at Target. Good thing there’s Pinterest! And good thing I have kids who are creative.

My kids began to draw blue dinosaurs and hang them all over the dining room. They were so excited to make David’s day special for him.

I can’t say my cake was a masterpiece but it was fun and my kids thought it was “AMAZING!” as they put it. So glad my kids’ standards aren’t as perfectionistic as mine!

As we sang Happy Birthday and he blew out his candle with a huge smile, I knew I had succeeded in giving him a special day. And it made my day special. So often I forget that even the little things can make such a difference for someone. All too often I think it has to be extravagant or expensive, but showing we love someone can be small and simple and totally free even.

It makes me think about Jesus and the sweet moments he wants to give us throughout our days. Do we notice? Do we get a big smile and say thank you as genuinely as a four year old? Do we recognize that it’s Him giving generously and freely of himself over and over or do we chalk it up to coincidence? And then, do we in turn give freely of ourselves, putting others above ourselves and watching their face light up with joy?

Mamas, these days can be long and tiresome. But look for those sweet moments that bring our kids such joy. And make those sweet moments happen, even if it’s simple. It could just make their day….and yours.

Sticks and Stones…

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Image: racelessgospel.com

Remember that old nursery rhyme:

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.

Or maybe you recall reciting this one on the playground:

I’m rubber, you’re glue,
Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!

As you may remember last week I shared a scary event that took place (read about it here Super Mom, I am not…), and in there I mentioned I realized that a lot of the problem was stemming from my own handling of situations….especially my words.

I have been so convicted about how I speak to my kids lately. I tend to answer in a frustrated or condescending tone, and, not surprisingly, I hear them speaking to each other in the same manner.

Just today I stopped one of my kids because of their tone of voice. He said, “I wasn’t trying to be mean.” He probably wasn’t, but it sounded so condescending. I realized this is such a habit of mine and it’s become such a habit of theirs that we don’t even know how harsh we sound anymore.

Sometimes, after I’ve spouted off something negative or harsh to my kids it hits me how mean I really sounded. I think, would I want someone to speak to me that way? How would I feel? What if my husband responded to my question of “Can you help me?” with a sigh and a frustrated, “I suppose.” I would be crushed and angry. I would be sure he didn’t want to help me at all.

Yet it pours out of my mouth on a daily basis. Frustrated answers, exasperated sighs, and condescending, “can’t you do it?” or “are you helpless?”. I’m not proud of it, let me tell you. I’m just being real. This is what actually comes out of my mouth.

I’ve been pondering why a lot over the last couple weeks. I don’t really have a good answer for that other than my own selfishness and sinful heart.

This last Sunday in church we sang a song that so touched this nerve in me. So often, music has a way of piercing my heart and showing me what I need.

Here’s the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKw6uqtGFfo

“I’m a child of God, yes I am.
In my Father’s house there’s a place for me.
I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who you say I am.
You are for me, not against me. I am who you say I am.”

Who does God say my children are? Am I speaking those words to my children? Or am I speaking negativity and frustration and disappointment to them?

Oh, Jesus, forgive me.

How often have I called my child lazy, rude, naughty, mean? Are they those things? Sometimes.

But they are so much more and they need to know it. This world will knock my children down plenty. I don’t need to be a part of that.

So who does God say my children are?

John 1:12 A child of God

James 1:5 My child has access to God’s wisdom

Romans 5:11 My child is reconciled to God.

Romans 5:19 My child has Christ’s righteousness.

Colossians 1:14 My child is completely forgiven.

Jeremiah 31:3. My child is tenderly loved by God.

Colossians 1:22 My child is blameless and beyond reproach.

Matthew 5:14 My child is the light to the world.

Ephesians 1:1 My child is a saint.

Colossians 3:12 My child is chosen by God, holy and dearly loved.

Colossians 2:7 My child is firmly rooted and built up in Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:16 My child has the mind of Christ.

Colossians 1:13 My child has been rescued from Satan’s domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ.

2 Timothy 1:7 My child has been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Peter 1:4 My child has been given great and precious promises.

John 1:12, 1 Timothy 6:15 My child is a prince/princess in God’s kingdom.

1 Corinthians 6:19,20 My child has been bought with a price and belongs to God.

Philippians 3:20 My child is a citizen of heaven.

Philippians 4:13 My child can do anything through Christ who gives strength.

Photo courtesy of Angela Decoux

And for me, maybe the most important one that I need to remember while raising teens: Philippians 1:6, which reminds me that the good work Christ started in my child will be perfected.

I think I need to print this list off and hang it in my house and remind myself and my children who we are in Christ! What wonderful promises and positive images He gives!

Who’s with me in speaking life to our children this week and seeing how it changes all our attitudes?

Even numbers…

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Sometimes I think it’s crazy that we have nine kids. In this day and age it’s a lot of kids for one family. Let’s face it…the norm is two, maybe three. Even four seems like a lot to many people. I know my sister has gotten comments about having four kids. She just laughs, thinking to herself, this is nothing, you should see my sister’s family!

When Andrew and I got married some friends asked us how many kids we wanted. We were 18 and 22 and hadn’t really thought about our family in depth. Jokingly we both said, “Five!” Then laughed and laughed that we both thought five and didn’t know it about the other!

Then when we had our first two, twin boys, we decided maybe two was enough. We never thought kids would be so difficult! And we always figured I’d go back to work and the kids would go to daycare and school. I spent a long time sending out resumes with no responses and soon found myself longing for another baby. Okay, maybe we’ll have 3…

It’s not like it just snowballed from there. We struggled with how many kids we should have on and off over the years (I’ll tell you that story sometime soon). There were times we thought we were done and there were words from others that were hurtful and hard to take. Not many support the idea of a large family anymore, but thankfully we have those around us that have and do.

Well, fast forward a few years and a few kids later. Here we are at nine kids, pretty awesome kids if I do say so myself!

But, if you know anything about me, I like even numbers. Silly I know. But I do. Andrew teases me about it all the time; that and the fact that I need the stripes in the comforter straight when I make the bed.

So…..

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This summer Andrew and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage, a nice even number.

And….shortly after that we’ll add baby number 10! Again, a nice even number 🙂

Crazy? Maybe.

Happy? Absolutely.

Abundantly blessed by our awesome Creator, the One who created this new being to be a part of this family and this world at this time? There’s no doubt.

So there you have it, 10 kids in 20 years. I figure, may as well stick with what we’re good at, right?! And it’s not too far off from what we said the day after our wedding. It’s just five AND five!

Desired Haven

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I thought I’d share a quick story about how we ended up out here, in what seems like the middle of nowhere sometimes, and how we named our little patch of earth Desired Haven Farm.

Andrew and I are going on 20 years of marriage (WOW!) and many ideas and dreams have changed over those years. For one, we thought we’d have 2 kids and I’d be back to work after having those kids. But that’s another story 🙂

But one thing that had been a desire of ours was to be out in the country. We had always wanted a little plot of land somewhere to do what we wanted and let our kids run. Often we’d talk about what we wanted and sometimes over the years we’d even go check out properties or land. Most of the time we thought about building what we wanted. But the cost was always prohibitive or we didn’t find what we wanted.

Almost four years ago is where the story really gets going. We decided to put our house on the market and see what we could find. We looked all summer long and couldn’t find anything and our house just wasn’t selling. So after a few months we took it off the market and decided to add on. We put on a beautiful sunroom (that I still miss) and then thought we’d be fine. And we were…until we found out we were expecting baby number 9. We just couldn’t fit in our house anymore; no matter how we tried to lay it out we felt very squished.

Fast forward to the following spring when we decided we should take a trip before baby came. Not just any trip…a huge month long trip to Germany…with all eight kids…and a very pregnant mama. No big deal.

Midway through the summer as we were booking flights and renting cars for our trip, we found out a house I’d always loved was going on the market. And at a price we could afford. I told Andrew about it and he said, “Let’s do it.” I replied, “Don’t you want to look at it first?”

So we took a look, fell in love, and suddenly we were in a whirlwind of cleaning, organizing, and fixing things on our house. We threw our house on the market three days later and sold it 28 days later, just a week before I was supposed to fly out with the kids and a good friend to Germany!

I have to say, it ended up being a pretty good deal for me. I left the packing, cleaning, and moving in the hands of friends and my very capable husband, boarded a plane and went to enjoy family and scenery! Andrew got the short end of the deal, having to get everything out of the house in less than two weeks, close on our house without me, and fly to Germany, all while still working full time. He was haggard and exhausted by the time he arrived in Germany and had a well deserved break from it all.

The strangest part was leaving my house to head to the airport and then returning to the states to a new house. And yet, it felt like home from the minute we walked in the door. And it still does.

As Andrew and I used to dream about what we wanted in our country house we never dreamed we’d get it all. I used to always say I wanted a big front porch with lights and fans where we could enjoy the country air and view. Andrew always wanted a big, heated garage with floor drains where he could work on cars. We wanted a barn the kids could play in and space for animals. We wanted big trees the kids could climb and build a tree fort in.

Funny how God works, isn’t it? We never specifically prayed about wanting those items in a house and yet He answered them all! He gave us exactly what our heart’s desired.

Just a couple weeks after we moved in to our house, I realized the craziness the Lord had brought us through. It was a whirlwind of a summer and early fall. Looking back I wonder how in the world we made it, but I also look back on it with a fondness that only comes from knowing the Lord was directing our steps through it all. I had been thinking, in the midst of it all, what we should name our little farm. And, funny enough, God provided that too.

I was at a Bible Study and we read the verse Psalm 107:30, “They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.”

It struck me so profoundly then, and it still does. That’s exactly what had happened. He had guided us to our desired haven and we were so glad that it had grown calm! Of course life doesn’t stay calm, but that’s another story for another day…

And that’s how our little patch of earth got it’s name…Desired Haven Farm.

Super Mom, I am not…

Often, when people meet me and learn about my nine kids the first response is, “Wow, you are a Super Mom!”

I’m here to tell you I’m so far from anything ‘Super’. I’m just an average person with a crazy life, trying to stay afloat. I don’t have it all together and I don’t have perfect kids. Most of the time I have no idea what I’m even doing in this crazy parenting thing!

Don’t believe me? Right now there are toys strewn across EVERY room of my house, and I mean EVERY! Even MY bedroom. How do they get in there??? I can tell you I don’t play with them!

There are piles of clean and dirty laundry piled in numerous places, seeming to shout, I’ll always be here to taunt you!!

And then there’s the kids. So often I hear, “You have amazing kids! They are so great!” And they are, most of the time. But they are far from perfect.

And guess what? Most of what I deal with with my children comes from me. I hear the way they talk to each other and think, Ouch, I speak that way to them. Here’s where I bare my heart to you and hope you can sympathize and not judge…

This week we hit bottom. All my pushing, ranting, yelling, commanding and raving came to a head on Wednesday. You see, naturally with nine kids, I am used to handing out ‘to-do lists’, commanding the kids to get things done, and not always being nice about it. It’s a bad habit, I’ll admit, but it gets the job done. Problem is, it doesn’t do much for the relationship, especially with the teens.

On Wednesday I caught one of my teens lying to me again. It’s been a long standing problem with this one and it’s one of those things that makes me really irate. I mean, screaming, yelling, head-spinning angry. If you can’t tell, I don’t always handle myself well.

Well, it came to a head and I pushed too much and made this child too angry. You know that verse about not exasperating your kids? Yeah, well, I did it. Now I can’t take all the blame because this child didn’t handle it well either and shouldn’t have lied and then lied again. So he ran away. He actually ran out the door, threw on his muck boots which aren’t lined, didn’t grab a coat and took off across the field. I really thought he just ran into the back yard so I didn’t think much of it, but I was worked up and had not idea how to deal with the situation anymore. So, I called my amazing, wonderful hubby and said, “I’m so sorry. I know you are supposed to go to youth group right now but you HAVE to come home.”

He didn’t hesitate (he’s awesome and amazing and I’m so thankful for him) and came home. By then I was worried because I didn’t see said child in the backyard but it was dark and I kind of thought he had climbed a tree or headed into the barn. Andrew took off looking for him, searching all seven out buildings, the trees, the yard. I saw his flashlight waving around outside and kept waiting for him to come in having found him. But no, that flashlight just kept swishing back and forth.

I went out to help and started to get concerned. I started yelling this child’s name, hoping he’d just pop out of hiding. He did finally come back, stomping over the field, cold and tired and cooled off. We figure he walked about 2 1/2 miles over snowy, muddy fields and roads.

The amazing mix of emotions I felt at that moment was overwhelming! I was so relieved and so angry all at once. All I could do was say, “Get in the house.” And then I cried and cried. Kids don’t know what they do to a mama’s heart. All the thoughts of what could have happened to him while he was gone and raced through my mind over and over and I tromped around the yard in sometimes knee deep snow. I had to will myself to stay calm as surges of panic tried to over take me.

I realized that night what I had done to this child. He told me he was sure I didn’t want him around. Where’d he get that idea?

From me.

From my frustration at him leaving his shoes and books and clothes and things laying all over all the time. From my constant annoyance at his lack of motivation and responsibility. From my harsh words and unkind looks.

From me.

Are those things okay or acceptable? No, but neither have my actions been acceptable. Two wrongs don’t make a right. We’ve heard that before, haven’t we?

So, there you have it. I am not Super Mom! Not even close. I fail miserably everyday at this thing called mothering. I have to guess at what to do sometimes. I have to say sorry, A LOT! I have to take back my harsh words. There are days I just want to go to bed and start over.

Here’s the encouragement, mamas. You aren’t alone. We’re all imperfect. We all mess up. So, you aren’t alone. We’re in this together.

Here’s still more encouragement. He always reminds me after I totally mess up of a few truths I have to hang on to. God made me mama to my kids. No one else can be mama to my kids the way I can. Even with my imperfections, even with my mistakes. In spite of my shortcomings He knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me my kids. And His grace is bigger than my weakness. His grace covers my children and washes over them when I mess up. And it washes over me to.

God’s grace is never ending and perfect and covers all wrongs. Thankfully His grace was with us that evening and covered all of us and it ended well. We talked through a lot of things and resolved issues and said I’m sorry.

God’s grace will continue as I try to change my habits and speak differently to my kids, as I try to show them they are wanted, loved, cherished.

God’s grace is sufficient for you too, in this crazy, messy journey called motherhood.

Enough.

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I wake up every morning feeling overwhelmed. I’ll just admit it to you now. There isn’t a morning where I don’t wake up and think, oh man, how am I going to get everything accomplished that I need to today?

Ever feel that way?

Weighing on my mind is everything from whose turn it is to do laundry to how will I get my dyslexic son through college to what’s for dinner and did I thaw any meat. n top of that are the thoughts of who I need to contact, what friends haven’t I talked to in a while, what forms need to be filled out for numerous activities and events, and who needs a shower or bath. Then I start to list all the activities and sports we AREN’T involved in and whether my kids are missing out. It doesn’t end there. The list continues and by the time I get out of the shower my mind has already formulated a plan on how to accomplish it all.

No wonder I wake up tired!

Maybe your mind doesn’t work this way…feel blessed! I’m a planner by nature and it’s very hard for me to shut that off and just be. But every morning (at least I shoot for every morning) I practice just being with the Lord. I read some of His truths, pray, connect with Him and ask Him to order my day. Why? Well, it’s really the only way to help that overwhelmed feeling.

Every morning I spend with Him I realize, “God’s Got This!”, as a bracelet a friend gave me says. He reminds me He loves me, He loves my family, and He knows our life better than I do.

And you know what He always tells me? …..You are Enough.

So, fellow mamas, let that sink in. You. Are. Enough.

You aren’t enough because of what you can accomplish. You aren’t enough because you wake up energized and ready to face the world. You aren’t enough because you check everything off the to-do list. You aren’t enough because your kids are well dressed and well behaved. You aren’t enough because your house is beautifully decorated and clean.

You are enough because of what He has done and still does for you. You are enough because He has placed you in this very position at this very point in time. You are enough because He gives you His strength, peace, and knowledge.

So the next time you wake up feeling overwhelmed, maybe even discouraged, tell yourself, “God says, I am enough” and rest in that overwhelming sense of peace!